Nurses and marriage

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Reading some posts regarding retirement and worst financial mistakes and........

Marrying the wrong person(staying with or divorcing) seems to be a big hiccup for nurses-men who quit work now that they married a nurse(:twocents:kaching!?)

Do we want to fix under-achieving men or whatever their issues might be?

What are your thoughts?

I think that people get way too caught up in finding their "equal", that they miss the point of what a marriage entails. Surely you want to find a man with money who is your equal, who doesn't but be realistic based on your life and what you really want. A hard working man, go getter, one who can provide for his family fairly not necessarily equally will do me just fine because alot of the time you find a man with money that cheats. I would rather have the underlined overall because when the marriage blows up in your face, the money and his "equal" status can't save it. I am married to a man that makes more then me now but when I graduate as a nurse I will make more then him and that is mainly because I plan on becoming a nurse practitioner. He isn't broke but will I be able to stay at home based on his income, no. That is fine because I don't plan on being a stay at home mom anyway. He is a great man, doesn't cheat, does the things I like and wants his marriage to stay intact. I would pick him again and again over a man that makes alot of money and runs around on me. Not saying you can't find a faithful man with money because you can but I see far more cases of women married to men with money that mistreat them and underneath it all, it is all about the money and "equal" status.

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Specializes in ER, ICU.

Fix underachieving men? Kick them to the curb ASAP. You can fix a toilet but not a person. A lot of women join this caring profession because they enjoy/need taking care of people. Take care of yourself first, and you'll find a good guy who can pull his own weight.

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Specializes in Hospice.

I stayed at home with my kids for 7 years and my dh supported me and made it possible for me to go back to school. He probably is going to quit his job in a year and pursue a different dream which may or may not pay our bills (im betting not) but I owe him the opportunity to pursue his dreams just as he gave me the opportunity to pursue mine. I don't think that makes him an underacheiver. but i have zero doubt he will work his orifice off on his business venture....

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I'm looking for love and not a gold digger. I am willing to work twice as hard as long my wife is helping the family by taking care kids, doing house works, or watever). I mean it would be great if she makes some money but it's not that important to me. I just want to see her working hard one way or the other (school, family, or work).

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Specializes in Critical Care/Coronary Care Unit,.

In the Bible there's a book called JOB. Apparently even God wants you to get a j.o.b. If a man doesn't work, he shouldn't eat (biblical verse). A lot of men think nurses are meal tickets....maybe we nurses should always date people that make more than us...on the same note, if you have a good man keep him...as long as he works. I think as nurses we often try to fix people...which over time we learn that you can't make a person change (can't make a man work...can't turn a h** into a housewife). :p

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It is tough being married to someone who does not share the vision of your union and if you have children and other ties with this person it it very difficult to walk away/or get rid of that person. I have seen it go wrong too many times.

I have seen both men and women abandon their spouses in nursing school, but return when the spouse starts working as a nurse. I have had friends whose spouses/significant other will not help with books, transportation, money, the kids, food, rent or emotional support to frustrate the person out of school. There is such a thing as marrying the wrong person.

Some had the sense to cut this person out of their lives, others took them back.

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Specializes in LTC, Psych, Hospice.

I wasted 5 years of my life trying to "fix" someone who just wanted a meal ticket. When I changed the locks and he finally took the hint, I decided I was probably meant to be alone. I really wasn't interested in another relationship until I learned to like myself. 6 years ago I met a wonderful man whom I married last year. He is retired and finally convinced me to go back to school last year. He is very supportive of my needing to study so much plus I also work about 20 hrs/week. He wanted me to quit my job, but I enjoy working (plus I'm getting to keep my bennies @ work). There really are prince charmings out there...sometimes you just have to be patient.

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I don't think I could marry a person who didn't want to work as hard as I do, even if they were great otherwise. However, just because someone doesn't have a "job," doesn't mean that they're not a hard worker. Anyone willing to stay at home to cook, clean, and raise children... well, that's a lot of work!

I also don't think it's fair to essentially say that any man who has money may cheat. Anyone, regardless of their financial status may cheat. I don't think a person should settle for money vs. non-cheater. That's ridiculous. There are great men out there who are willing to work hard and not cheat.

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I actually WISH my husband wanted to quit his job and stay home. We would save a fortune on daycare, the laundry would get done regularly, and I wouldn't have to grocery shop.

From a female colleagues nanny-cam after her husband did precisely that.

couch-potato.jpg

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Specializes in Trauma Surgery, Nursing Management.
I wasted 5 years of my life trying to "fix" someone who just wanted a meal ticket. When I changed the locks and he finally took the hint, I decided I was probably meant to be alone. I really wasn't interested in another relationship until I learned to like myself. 6 years ago I met a wonderful man whom I married last year. He is retired and finally convinced me to go back to school last year. He is very supportive of my needing to study so much plus I also work about 20 hrs/week. He wanted me to quit my job, but I enjoy working (plus I'm getting to keep my bennies @ work). There really are prince charmings out there...sometimes you just have to be patient.

You brought not only a smile to my face, but also a happy tear. I agree wholeheartedly. There ARE good matches out there. You found one. I am so happy for you!

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Specializes in Oncology/Haemetology/HIV.
Nursing students or nurses should be enough in tune with today's environment to be able to keep out of relationships where the man is looking for a meal ticket. When my daughter was in nursing school she ran into two of these jerks and told me she told one of them off to his face. He was arrogant enough to let it be known what his motives were.

When I attempted the Internet dating thing, I learned quickly never to discuss my profession. Listing yourself as an RN brings out every codependant free ride seeking psycho in the free (and parts of the unfree) world. That or people that want green cards.

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I stayed at home with my kids for 7 years and my dh supported me and made it possible for me to go back to school. He probably is going to quit his job in a year and pursue a different dream which may or may not pay our bills (im betting not) but I owe him the opportunity to pursue his dreams just as he gave me the opportunity to pursue mine. I don't think that makes him an underacheiver. but i have zero doubt he will work his orifice off on his business venture....

Your hubby is NOT an underachiever, by any means!

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