Nurses and marriage

Published

Reading some posts regarding retirement and worst financial mistakes and........

Marrying the wrong person(staying with or divorcing) seems to be a big hiccup for nurses-men who quit work now that they married a nurse(:twocents:kaching!?)

Do we want to fix under-achieving men or whatever their issues might be?

What are your thoughts?

Specializes in Pediatrics.

As a professor, I have seen/heard of so many non-supportive spouses (more men than women, but I guess that's b/c there are more women in nursing) while their partners are working their butts off in their studies. It pains me to hear this, that they can't pick up/watch the kids, make dinner, or expect them to be doing everything they did before they were in school. Or the ones (wives) who don't understand why their husbands can't work as much overtime (and bring in the $), or spend time with the kids on the weekends. Or my personal favorite, the husband who asked his wife "What's for dinner" after she worked a 12 hour day shift, while he was off, at home, watching the kid (that was my husband... and no longer is ;) ).

I think it definitely goes both ways, but seems to be more acceptable for the woman to complain about their nurse hubbies. The double standard is that a man should be working no matter what, where it is socially acceptable for a wife to stay home. Even when the man is playing the role of "mom", it just seems awkward, like he can't get a job or is too lazy. But I think there are a few too many stay-at-home men who are not pulling their weight. My ex husband and I worked opposite schedules; one of us was almost always home with the child. But it seemed that the home responsibilities were skewed, me bearing the brunt of them :mad:

Now, if there's no child involved.... what the hell are either one of you doing at home all day?? :confused:

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Abdominal Transplant.

I'm a first year nursing student whose fiance is supporting me through school, with the mutual understanding that when I am a nurse, he is a stay at home whatever (eventually a farmer, hence the screen name). It just depends on the situation, but everyone should look for that kind of mutual understanding! I think it's essential to a relationship. Not saying we're perfect, we definitely have our ups and downs, but I never worry he's a gold digger! We agreed early on that life works more smoothly if one person can be a dedicated homemaker, especially with the life we want. Since I was already in school with a plan for a living wage career, that decided it. At the same time, I could understand how one might worry the person staying home might not hold their end of the bargain (get lazy), or the person working might turn into a manipulative jerk. I guess it's all about finding the right person and being able to trust them... and having a back up plan so you're never stuck in a bad situation with no way out. Being the person with the job does give you the upper hand in such a situation, but our courts take care of the homemakers, too.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

it's sarcastic for me b/c i was SUPER supported for my ex-gf when she went to pharmacy school but I got dumped when she done with school. She doesn't want to wait for me anymore because I decided to go back for nursing. 6 years of relationship, wat a joke. I think that was a lesson learned for me, and I feel good right now because I can focus on my life instead of hers.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
lol. I dont care what my wife does, she can chill at home or work if she wants. As long as she loves me that is enough. We have been broke together and now we are not broke together..... as long as we are together we are good to go..

I also used to feel this way. But sitting at home, staring at each other every day broke gets very old very quickly. You can't go to movies, dinner, dancing or anywhere without money. Bills piled high. Stressing. The first and only conversation you talk and argue about becomes finances. This makes you become a miserable person and spouse. It puts a lot of undue strain on a relationship. Some relationships can over come this and others can't. But either way its hard.

Don't get me wrong, spouses should make the best out of what they have, but I refuse to be stagnant and stuck with the broke status all my life because I am married to a spouse without the same ambitions.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I'm only an LVN student right now, but it does seem like many nurses and "future nurses" feel that if they can fix a patient at work, they can fix anybody. And I'm not trying to generalize this population at all, but over the course of school, a lot of the women in my class started dating men with issues. I know this because I'm one of the few male nursing students in my class (In other words, they were always coming up to me with questions).

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Oncology/Haemetology/HIV.
it's sarcastic for me b/c i was SUPER supported for my ex-gf when she went to pharmacy school but I got dumped when she done with school. She doesn't want to wait for me anymore because I decided to go back for nursing. 6 years of relationship, wat a joke. I think that was a lesson learned for me, and I feel good right now because I can focus on my life instead of hers.

I hate to break it to you, but that has happened to women in many cases. Wife works hard and raises kids while hubbie went to med school/law school/military, just to get dumped when man graduates /gets through residency /gets successful /leaves military.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in LTC, Psych, Hospice.
I'm only an LVN student right now, but it does seem like many nurses and "future nurses" feel that if they can fix a patient at work, they can fix anybody. And I'm not trying to generalize this population at all, but over the course of school, a lot of the women in my class started dating men with issues. I know this because I'm one of the few male nursing students in my class (In other words, they were always coming up to me with questions).

We do seems to be more co-dependent than most.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
I don't think I could marry a person who didn't want to work as hard as I do, even if they were great otherwise. However, just because someone doesn't have a "job," doesn't mean that they're not a hard worker. Anyone willing to stay at home to cook, clean, and raise children... well, that's a lot of work!

I also don't think it's fair to essentially say that any man who has money may cheat. Anyone, regardless of their financial status may cheat. I don't think a person should settle for money vs. non-cheater. That's ridiculous. There are great men out there who are willing to work hard and not cheat.

True, if you've ever watched daytime TV, you have seen men and women of all economic backgrounds cheating.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I currently work in a male dominated field (non nursing) although there are some women. I personally don't hear about this problem. Maybe because most of the people in my field have college degrees and so do their spouses? I'm not sure if it makes a difference. Obviously, relationships should be a partnership and unless there is something medically wrong with the person or it is part of an agreement in order to take care of kids, I don't know why one person would quit working?

I'm quite anxious about the idea that I'd not work for 1-2 years while going to nursing school. I've always made my own money. My husband is supportive but having him as the only one working makes me feel like I'm being somewhat selfish. I am glad I am with someone who wants to let me follow my dreams and will help me in that endeavor.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I find it somewhat entertaining that there are ACTUALLY men who expect a women to support them.

I guess it's hard me to to wrap my head around the concept.:confused::confused::confused:

Now, there are plenty of women I have seen in the medical field looking for a meal ticket:yawn:

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I thing trying to place someone as "underacheiving" compared to yourself is maybe the wrong way of looking at it. Not making as much money, or even saying at home and taking care of kids one may look at is "underachieving" when it's really not. As long as both partners are devoted to the relationship, and what both pursue is mutually benifitial, I see no problem. I would have no problem being with a man that makes far less then I do.

But the problem is is when one partner is a leach. And I don't say that as a insult.....i say that as a best definition......i know my sons father was/is a leach(and has not contacted me in like 5 years since I made it very clear that there was in no way going to be anything between him and I again....he was playing oh, i want to be in sons life and maybe see if you and I can be together, which i told him he could be in sons life(hasn't) but knew he was probably just using son as an "in" for me to go "oh yeah, you move here, *I* will get us an apt and *I* will support us til you can find something"(which i knew wouldnt happen, or only last a couple weeks, or he would end up "volteering" to stay home with son while i worked)).

Leach is someone in a relationship only for what they can get out of it.......money......free place to live......free child care (yes the leach can be the parner working full time while the other stays home with kids)....someone to manipulate....and that person would have NO interest in the relationship once circumstances are changed as they were never in it for the relationship itself (even if they were good at pretending they were).

Nurses maybe can be a bit more prone to being found attractive to leaches, since make decent money, and have a caring nature which they could try to play on...since most leaches want someone to "take care of them". Just my :twocents:

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Now, there are plenty of women I have seen in the medical field looking for a meal ticket:yawn:

Per your other thread, you seem insulted to think that anyone would think you were entering a profession merely to hook up with a rich female doc or pharmacist. I think I can speak for the women on the board to inform you that we are equally insulted that you insist on perpetuating this myth in regards to *us*.

None of us survived a very difficult program, and endure in a challenging career, merely to meet up with someone who can take care of us. Please stop repeating this; it's insulting, demeaning to the women you work with and interact with on this board, and it is simply not true.

Thank you.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Join the Discussion