Nurses and marriage

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Reading some posts regarding retirement and worst financial mistakes and........

Marrying the wrong person(staying with or divorcing) seems to be a big hiccup for nurses-men who quit work now that they married a nurse(:twocents:kaching!?)

Do we want to fix under-achieving men or whatever their issues might be?

What are your thoughts?

Just wanted to add, not everyone aspires to earning as much money as possible.

My husband is a teacher. He does not do extra work in the summer. He worked extra when the kids were babies, so that I could stay home, working just part time weekends occasionally to make ends meet. He took on all the housework when I went to nursing school while we were both working full time (opposite shifts). He now continues to be completely supportive: the house is not trashed when I've been on a three day stretch. He's a full partner in raising our children and running our household.

We've always been like this, even when we were in college before marriage, households, and major responsibilities.

I love having him home in the summers; I love having our entire family together most of the time. I never have to worry about the kids, the pets, anything in the summers when I know he is taking care of things while I'm at work.

We earn enough as a nurse and a teacher. If I advance to an NP, we envision him either quitting his job entirely, or just going part time. He is an avid gardener, and would like to perhaps do some concentrated urban farming and sell his produce at the farmers market. I would love to have him home more, as frankly, our house runs more smoothly in the summer when his doesn't work outside the home.

Point is, we both consider what is the best for our relationship, our family, and our combined happiness. Neither of us takes advantage of the other. We love and respect each other. We never, ever fight. We just aren't that kind of couple.

We've been together for 23 years, and it's worked well so far!

So, not all of us are co-dependent. Not all of us have unsupportive spouses. Not all of the spouses who stay home choose to do so because they are lazy. Many choose it because it works better for their family. Several of my friends have husbands who stay at home. Not because they are lazy or can't find a job; it's because, after considering all the factors, it made sense for the husband to stay home. There is nothing wrong with that.

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Specializes in LTC, Psych, Hospice.
Now, there are plenty of women I have seen in the medical field looking for a meal ticket:yawn:

I find the to be quite insulting!

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Specializes in M/S, MICU, CVICU, SICU, ER, Trauma, NICU.

I don't think I could tolerate a spouse that was lazy. I stayed home with my kids until about 2 years ago, and I worked my butt off doing things more AT HOME/SCHOOL etc., when I wasn't working. My husband was a much happier person too. Now that I'm working, everything is 50/50...but his life sure was easier when I stayed home. Advice to women: choose your spouses well. Don't settle..or better yet,

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Specializes in M/S, MICU, CVICU, SICU, ER, Trauma, NICU.

STAY SINGLE.

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Per your other thread, you seem insulted to think that anyone would think you were entering a profession merely to hook up with a rich female doc or pharmacist. I think I can speak for the women on the board to inform you that we are equally insulted that you insist on perpetuating this myth in regards to *us*.

None of us survived a very difficult program, and endure in a challenging career, merely to meet up with someone who can take care of us. Please stop repeating this; it's insulting, demeaning to the women you work with and interact with on this board, and it is simply not true.

Thank you.

I guess this was unfair. I've just been turned down by a substantial amount of women WITHIN my own economic class because of my bad job.:mad: It's wrong for me to classify all women as gold diggers.

Anyway, yes I think it's selfish to enter a profession that involves peoples LIVES merely to meet a doctor. I also think it's selfish to enter Nursing SOLEY for the money. .and your work involves taking care of physically/mentally sick people. If you strive to be just a moderatly good nurse, you might end up killing someone over a good nurse. I say we eliminate the pest who enter any healthcare profession for the money. I've seen them way too much.

I'm JUST a transporter. However, I take my job VERY VERY seriously....I go slow over the speed bumps...I make sure to get a warm blanket for a patient:p

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I'm JUST a transporter. However, I take my job VERY VERY seriously....I go slow over the speed bumps...I make sure to get a warm blanket for a patient:p

How seriously you take your position and how well you do your job is so much more important than the type of job you have. I guarantee those patients appreciate your thoughtfulness and will remember it.

So what if you're *only* a transporter? People will take note of and appreciate the pride you have in your work and in a job well done, whether you're *only* a transporter or *only* a doctor.

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Specializes in forensic psych, corrections.

I find it hard to believe, especially in this economy, that someone would latch onto a nurse as a 'meal ticket' and expect to be kept by him or her. I'm an RN and I make a good amount of money but certainly not enough to be the sole breadwinner in a house (with all the customary bills and particularly when there are children involved).

A deadbeat is a deadbeat, no matter what your profession. If you can afford to keep a spouse at home, more power to you. I would love to be a SAHM. If keeping that person is taking AWAY from your household and your future and that of your children -- that person is a parasite looking for a host. Don't be it.

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Specializes in OB/GYN, Peds, School Nurse, DD.
I actually WISH my husband wanted to quit his job and stay home. We would save a fortune on daycare, the laundry would get done regularly, and I wouldn't have to grocery shop. He's really seems to enjoy all of those domestic things, but unfortuanatly he also loves his work, so it's a no go. Too bad.....

I realize that this is a little different, but my husband is fully disabled and he often feels like he's not pulling his weight. When he first stopped working he couldn't imagine how he would fill his time. But he does most of the grocery shopping, takes the kids to the doctor or dentist, takes the poodle to the groomer, pays the bills, and communicates with our insurance companies, congressmen, and financial guy regularly. I haven't done more than 2 dozen loads of laundry in the last 3 years! Sure there are things he can't do, but wow! considering how disabled he is it's pretty amazing what he does do. In fact, our household runs much better when we have one adult at home and in charge. I couldn't imagine being married to someone who didn't pull their weight in one way of another.

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I find it hard to believe, especially in this economy, that someone would latch onto a nurse as a 'meal ticket' and expect to be kept by him or her. I'm an RN and I make a good amount of money but certainly not enough to be the sole breadwinner in a house (with all the customary bills and particularly when there are children involved).

A deadbeat is a deadbeat, no matter what your profession. If you can afford to keep a spouse at home, more power to you. I would love to be a SAHM. If keeping that person is taking AWAY from your household and your future and that of your children -- that person is a parasite looking for a host. Don't be it.

I find it especially hard that any guy expects to be supported PERIOD!!!!!!!:uhoh3::uhoh3::uhoh3:

I'm surprised this thread exist. What type of world do we live in where men expect to get free handouts. Makes me want to slap them silly.

I guess these men dont care what other people think of them....

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How seriously you take your position and how well you do your job is so much more important than the type of job you have. I guarantee those patients appreciate your thoughtfulness and will remember it.

So what if you're *only* a transporter? People will take note of and appreciate the pride you have in your work and in a job well done, whether you're *only* a transporter or *only* a doctor.

If you show that much kindness and respect to people you barely know, just think how well you will treat some lucky person someday.

They will notice-either at work or not.

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Specializes in Nurse Leader specializing in Labor & Delivery.
I find it somewhat entertaining that there are ACTUALLY men who expect a women to support them.

I guess it's hard me to to wrap my head around the concept.:confused::confused::confused:

Now, there are plenty of women I have seen in the medical field looking for a meal ticket:yawn:

I actually tend to agree with this.

IME, I've seen far more women trying to land a "rich" doctor (of course, they almost all have student loans and really expensive to pay), than men looking for an RN to support them while they stay at home.

Why is it that women who want to stay home and raise the kids and be supported by her husband are "traditional" and men who want to stay home and be supported by a wife are "lazy"?

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I actually tend to agree with this.

IME, I've seen far more women trying to land a "rich" doctor (of course, they almost all have student loans and really expensive malpractice insurance to pay), than men looking for an RN to support them while they stay at home.

Why is it that women who want to stay home and raise the kids and be supported by her husband are "traditional" and men who want to stay home and be supported by a wife are "lazy"?

We haven't really reached full eqaulity yet...

Right now, its more like women are 30% providers while men are 70% providers. Give it another 10 years when a full transition takes place

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