Nurses and marriage

ReinventingMyselfAgain, MSN, RN · Oct 4, 2010

Why is it that women who want to stay home and raise the kids and be supported by her husband are "traditional" and men who want to stay home and be supported by a wife are "lazy"?

Just one of the many double standards that exist. I know my fair share of 'lazy' women. Although no one would call them that, b/c they are at home with kids (while their husbands are breaking their butts to maintain their wives and family's lifestyle). If the shoe were on the other foot, people would judge the man for making his wife work so damn hard. But you need to consider the cost of the second parent working, transportation, day care, clothing, etc. It's not always worth it for both parents to work. We in nursing have much more flexible schedules, making childcare costs less of a concern (but not always, I know).

This undoubtedly goes on in all professions, not just nursing. There are much more financially gainful professions out there, where the discrepancies are more pronounced.

JoelGuy · Oct 4, 2010

Just one of the many double standards that exist. I know my fair share of 'lazy' women. Although no one would call them that, b/c they are at home with kids (while their husbands are breaking their butts to maintain their wives and family's lifestyle). If the shoe were on the other foot, people would judge the man for making his wife work so damn hard. But you need to consider the cost of the second parent working, transportation, day care, clothing, etc. It's not always worth it for both parents to work. We in nursing have much more flexible schedules, making childcare costs less of a concern (but not always, I know).
This undoubtedly goes on in all professions, not just nursing. There are much more financially gainful professions out there, where the discrepancies are more pronounced.

I guess to be fair. If a guy gets all fat and out of shape.......no one cares.

If a girl isn't a supermodel(i dont expect this btw) a lot of guys give her **** :devil: :devil: :devil:

evolvingrn, BSN, RN · Oct 4, 2010

I guess to be fair. If a guy gets all fat and out of shape.......no one cares.
If a girl isn't a supermodel(i dont expect this btw) a lot of guys give her ****:devil:

Lol, don't be so sure....... I care. :) double standards do exist but we also don't know the 'whole stories' My sisters dh is a life time student she bust his orifice so he can get a masters in this a masters in that now working on a phd that might get him a 30 thousand dollar a year teaching gig at a college. would that be okay for me? heck no. but my sisters encourages it. People spend a lot of time feeling sorry for her and at one time i was LIVID with him but when i took step back i saw that she is very happy with their situation and in fact encourages it. lol, i just have to smile and bite my tounge when she says "I am so lucky to have him"

leenak · Oct 4, 2010

Just one of the many double standards that exist. I know my fair share of 'lazy' women. Although no one would call them that, b/c they are at home with kids (while their husbands are breaking their butts to maintain their wives and family's lifestyle). If the shoe were on the other foot, people would judge the man for making his wife work so damn hard. But you need to consider the cost of the second parent working, transportation, day care, clothing, etc. It's not always worth it for both parents to work. We in nursing have much more flexible schedules, making childcare costs less of a concern (but not always, I know).
This undoubtedly goes on in all professions, not just nursing. There are much more financially gainful professions out there, where the discrepancies are more pronounced.

I thought from the initial posts that started this thread that there weren't any kids involved. A coworker of mine told me that he pays $2400/month for daycare. A lot of people have au pairs for 2 or more kids because its cheaper than daycare. Of course I can understand in the situation of kids one parent not working to take care of the kids. I've known both men and women who have stayed home to be with kids and sometimes one may work part time while other is full time. I would've never considered any of them lazy. What I wouldn't understand is if there are no kids why someone would stay home unless there was a good reason for doing so.

leenak · Oct 4, 2010

Lol, don't be so sure....... I care. :) double standards do exist but we also don't know the 'whole stories' My sisters dh is a life time student she bust his orifice so he can get a masters in this a masters in that now working on a phd that might get him a 30 thousand dollar a year teaching gig at a college. would that be okay for me? heck no. but my sisters encourages it. People spend a lot of time feeling sorry for her and at one time i was LIVID with him but when i took step back i saw that she is very happy with their situation and in fact encourages it. lol, i just have to smile and bite my tounge when she says "I am so lucky to have him"

If she is happy with the arrangement, then I'm not sure what the problem is? I'm personally a big fan of academic pursuits and if both people are on the same page and are ok with it, then why not? Prior to dating my husband, I dated someone who had a 6 figure salary but no college degree. They talked about going back to college and becoming a teacher (which would be a definite drastic paycut). I thought it would be perfect for them and I told them that. Although I don't think it ever happened, but if we had stayed together, it might have.

evolvingrn, BSN, RN · Oct 4, 2010

If she is happy with the arrangement, then I'm not sure what the problem is? I'm personally a big fan of academic pursuits and if both people are on the same page and are ok with it, then why not? Prior to dating my husband, I dated someone who had a 6 figure salary but no college degree. They talked about going back to college and becoming a teacher (which would be a definite drastic paycut). I thought it would be perfect for them and I told them that. Although I don't think it ever happened, but if we had stayed together, it might have.

Sorry i didn't come off clear...that was my point that what i see as not okay, is perfect for them. being a teacher i would find value in , going degree after degree without actually doing much with it is hard for me to grasp but for them it makes sense. We can't accurately judge relationships for the outside.

hiddencatRN, BSN, RN · Oct 4, 2010

Reading some posts regarding retirement and worst financial mistakes and........
Marrying the wrong person(staying with or divorcing) seems to be a big hiccup for nurses-men who quit work now that they married a nurse(:twocents:kaching!?)
Do we want to fix under-achieving men or whatever their issues might be?
What are your thoughts?

Marrying the wrong person seems to be a big hiccup for a lot of people, not just nursing. Divorce is a financial whopper regardless of your profession and it's certainly not limited to our profession.