nurse for 15 years and I feel like a fraud

[bananabutter]

I've been working in oncology for the past 15 years. Even though people tell me I'm a good nurse, I feel like a fraud. I'm not confident in the decisions I make (not in the day to day type of decisions as a nurse, but decisions that affect others e.g. sometimes when I'm in charge). Some days I think to myself, I'd make a really stellar secretary, I'd be so on top of it, and yet, I've gotten by the past 15 years as a nurse because I guess I know enough to play the game.

I really want to leave the bedside, but I've done that before and unfortunately went into another role that involved scenarios where people deferred to me for decision making and those decisions sometimes echo'd in all sorts of perpetual meetings and the weight of that was something I carried everyday until I decided to leave the role years later and go back to the bedside. Now here I am and I feel like I just can't do bedside anymore.

I'd ideally like a job that requires extensive knowledge that I can learn but not have to make decisions under pressure that affect others. I love working on projects but not take work home with me. I'd like like to leave acute care. I would try to switch specialties but nowhere near me will take an experience nurse into a new specialty.

is there any type of role that I could get into without experience but be able to learn and do well?

[cleback]

Wait... so people trust your judgment enough to make decisions and that's a bad thing? I don't see it that way. That says you do know which end is up. Unfortunately, even if your judgment is sound, people will always pick apart decisions made by leaders. It's human nature. But I can't think of a job you can avoid it. Just knowing stuff isn't likely to get a job (most people can look stuff up, afterall).

[Farawyn]

You make decisions as a nurse every day. You are educated enough to do so.

No, there is NO aspect of nursing where your expertise will not be called into play.

Sorry, not sorry.

[Jedrnurse, BSN, RN]

Would oncology research work for you? There are always decisions to be made at any job, but I would think that studies would have specific protocols and algorithms to follow...

[KatieMI, BSN, MSN, RN]

So, you feel like you have knowledge and want to use it but not being under pressure and going your own tempo.

No problem! Nursing has plenty of places like this.

- research (some), mentioned already

- QA/QC/utlization

- insurance

- pharm QA RN (yes, there are nurses like these in large oncology centers)

- "local" specialties like infection control

- maybe oncology care navigator

The "qualities" and ID can be made as "creative" as you like and you can make desicions strictly within guidelines and leave it at that. Can't guarantee you'll be dear sweet for everyone doing that but you canjustdoyourjob and be happy about it.

[Ddestiny, BSN, RN]

I'd ideally like a job that requires extensive knowledge that I can learn but not have to make decisions under pressure that affect others. I love working on projects but not take work home with me. I'd like like to leave acute care. I would try to switch specialties but nowhere near me will take an experience nurse into a new specialty.

The first thing that comes to my mind, from this description, is some type of nursing educator position. Diabetes education, taking on a nursing educator role in a hospital, becoming an instructor for nursing students? It would require people relying on your judgment, but not in an emergent way. Perhaps working in an office in a non-emergent specialty? I have an RN classmate that loves her job in a dermatologist's office.

Good luck with your decision.

[MandaSu]

It sounds to me like you have just enough fear.

Being completely confident is not always the best thing. Fear keeps your ears perked up, and your eyes peeled. It keeps you questioning everything, and because of that you end up making a wiser decision. But if this feeling has really cost you the feeling of enjoying your job, maybe it is time for a change. Nursing involves so much responsibility. It can be such a huge weight that I wouldn't blame you for being eager to have off your shoulders.

Good luck!

[nursel56]

This may be a personal bias, but I think someone who has worked in oncology for 15 years and evaluates themselves as a good nurse (because other people say so) and "I guess I know enough to play the game" is almost certainly undervaluing themselves to an extreme degree. It always bugs me when people say "oh, I could never work in oncology" followed by a list of things oncology nurses see and do every day.

I'm not trying to change your mind about leaving bedside unless the main reason would be that you feel like a fraud.

I also get the feeling what you really don't like is being in any position that requires you to make decisions that affect other people. I don't feel comfortable in that role, either. It's true that some peers or policies make the manager role an expectation. I also know nurses who are happy in staff nurse jobs for their entire career.

KatieMI and others gave you great advice. Hoping you're able to see yourself through this and find the job that fills your current needs.

[amzyRN]

What about education. With your experience, you'd be an excellent clinical instructor.

[CharleeFoxtrot, BSN, RN]

I've been working in oncology for the past 15 years. Even though people tell me I'm a good nurse, I feel like a fraud. I'm not confident in the decisions I make (not in the day to day type of decisions as a nurse, but decisions that affect others e.g. sometimes when I'm in charge). Some days I think to myself, I'd make a really stellar secretary, I'd be so on top of it, and yet, I've gotten by the past 15 years as a nurse because I guess I know enough to play the game.

Are you familiar with the idea of Impostor syndrome? Nursing seems to foster this in spades. There is a lot of good information out there OP if you think you may be having these feelings unduly.

Here is a link to a good article:

What Is Impostor Syndrome?

What Is Impostor Syndrome?

Impostor Syndrome is a pervasive feeling of self-doubt, insecurity, or fraudulence despite often overwhelming evidence to the contrary. It strikes smart, successful individuals. It often rears its head after an especially notable accomplishment, like admission to a prestigious university, public acclaim, winning an award, or earning a promotion.

Impostor Syndrome doesn't discriminate: people of every demographic suffer from feeling like a fraud, though minorities and women are hardest-hit.

Wiki has a good summary:

Impostor syndrome (also known as impostor phenomenon, impostorism, fraud syndrome or the impostor experience) is a psychological pattern in which an individual doubts their accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a "fraud".[1] Despite external evidence of their competence, those experiencing this phenomenon remain convinced that they are frauds, and do not deserve all they have achieved. Individuals with impostorism incorrectly attribute their success to luck, or as a result of deceiving others into thinking they are more intelligent than they perceive themselves to be.[2] While early research focused on the prevalence among high-achieving women, impostor syndrome has been recognized to affect both men and women equally.[1][3] Impostor phenomenon is not a mental disorder, yet there is research describing various management styles for this internal experience.

[klone, MSN, RN]

CharleeFoxtrot - I was JUST coming here to post that!! It's something that I've struggled with a lot in my career, particularly after being promoted into leadership positions.

[CharleeFoxtrot, BSN, RN]

CharleeFoxtrot - I was JUST coming here to post that!! It's something that I've struggled with a lot in my career, particularly after being promoted into leadership positions.

Exact same here, had those awful self-doubt feelings when I was a manager. Which is one of the reasons I am no longer in a position with that type of pressure. I am convinced impostor syndrome comes on due to pressure. I worked through mine just because I had to by talking back to that awful inner voice with a list of things I was/am proud of. That worked for me.