I worked night shift at my prn job & had a patient due meds so I get them & go to his room meet him & give meds. I look on his wall and there is a familiar photo there. I say to him " whos that girl?" he said "thats my daughter x"....which just so happened to be my cousin. This man was married to my aunt yrs ago although up til then I had never met him. I then told him that I was so & so's neice (his ex) & that my dad was x, his former in law. Well....I was just dumbfounded because I have not had any association with my family in YEARS! I havent talked / spoken to my dad in 5 years...the remainder of family about 7. Me and my dad had a huge disagreement 5 yrs ago & I went off on him & his girlfriend in bad way. . I was still in nursing school at the time. Anyway...he gets up at 3am to talk to me. He asked me about my dad & when the last time I saw him was...I told him a long time ago...I didnt go into any detail...just that we had a falling out & havent spoken since. He tells me "you need to get in touch with him. things arent what they seem. trust me", I dont know what he meant by that. He wouldnt tell me, other than that I needed to find him again. He told me that my dad did not hate me. I have felt like he has hated my guts since that fight. It was sparked by his then girlfriend, now wife. We didnt click from day 1! Anyway, I heard about a year ago that my dads health wasnt up to par. I emailed him this long long email apologizing for all the things I said to him...he never replied back. His wife did, & in her reply email she told me he wasnt interested in reading anything from me & didnt care to do so. So.I let it go...til I met this man who is the 2nd person to tell me to reach out to my dad. I have written an 8 pg letter in full blown detail about my apology etc etc. My family doesnt even know I have a 3 yr old son! I do miss my dad. This pt. told me that it had to be GOD who sent me there that night to work and have him, that we were meant to meet this way. I dont know where my dad is. I am planning on sending the letter to his parents which live out of state & having my grandfather to hopefully mail the letter for me. I think that the apology email i sent last year was intervened by the wife...and he didnt see it. We split when I was 22. Im 27now. Should I go through with this? Has anyone else had a chance encounter like this? Im afraid that if I dont take this pt's advice I might regret it for the rest of my life...what if my dad is really sick ? I wouldnt know...I want the chance to redeem myself and try to fix this. The nurse in me says "how do you know this pt is telling the truth", the daughter in me says "you better do it". This pt knew absolutely everyone in my family. I know he is legit. Im having an internal dilemma between nurse/daughter here. I need some hard core advice. The nurse in me also wants to help my dad if he's sick. There are no other nurses in my family, on either side. Im the only one. The daughter just wants her dad. I would just like to talk to him without that wife being around. I only want to see him, not her, but Im afraid that if he does get the letter, what if she opens it first & doesnt let him read it? I think she would be less likely to do that if my grandparents would put their return address on it. Ugh....help a girl out here folks! I would love to hear from moms, dads, uncles, any and all who can offer me some type of advise on this.
My dad and I became estranged in 1997, and I didn't speak to him again until 2006. He also had a new wife I wasn't in love with. I wrote him a one page letter explaining my feelings to him after my aunt called me and told me he had a stroke. He called me the same night.
Things are almost the way they used to be. But I'm glad I made peace with him. My sister and our children have not, and that is their business. The only person I had to live with in this situation is myself, and I feel better. Talk with your dad, even if it doesn't turn out well, your conscience will be clear and you will feel better.
Reconnect with your father how ever you can. God has provided the opportunity for you. I lost my father in 1993 to cancer . We had a great relationship and I still miss him. You will be so glad that you did.
Stepfamily relationships can be toxic. My first husband and I divorced over his daughter(my stepdaughter) Do not let your dad's wife interefere in you relationship with your dad any longer.
I was 24 when my dad died. Luckily, we had a good relationship and were very close for several years when he passed.
I don't think you should waste any more seconds thinking about this. We live in the information age.. 2 or 3 phone calls should be all it takes to get him on a telephone. CALL HIM. You can send your letter, but I wouldn't wait on snail mail to make contact.
I do believe fate brought you and a distant uncle together.. and that your uncle knows A LOT more than he is sharing with you. Things may be dire. Make contact ASAP.
I agree, I would reach out to your dad. When they are gone, they are gone for forever. I would love to reach out and talk to my dad, but he passed away 9 years ago from cancer. I especially feel like you should when you know that your first email may have been intervened by his wife and he could have no idea that you even made effort to reach out to him. I do believe in things happening for a reason and this could have been a great way of showing you this. Good Luck and please do let us know how it turns out!
First, I definitely agree that his wife intercepted your email. I don't think she was being truthful, but see it from her point of view. I'm sure your father was hurt and she didn't want to see that happen to him again. Of course, there are probably other reasons also. Anyways....
You send that letter girl! It is no coincidence that your patient had that picture on his wall for you to see. And it is no coincidence that he was kind enough to talk to you. I believe whole heartedly that this is a God given opportunity, trust your gut.
You will regret more never trying to contact him. You keep trying until you reach him, not his wife. Send that letter certified mail with restricted mail and only HE will be able to sign for that letter. She will NOT be able to sign on his behalf.
Read this from USPS:
When you want your mail to reach a specific recipient, use Restricted Delivery. This service can only be used in conjunction with certain services requiring a recipient signature such as Certified Mail™, Insured Mail over $200, or Registered Mail™.
Sometimes, you might have private or highly classified documents that you require to be seen only by the addressee. Restricted Delivery ensures that your mail is only delivered to the person you specify, or to the person authorized in writing to sign for intended recipient.
So, he can authorize her to sign for it in writing. But that would be after they receive a notice and I'm sure he would ask her about the mysterious mail. But you can also add a signature confirmation so you will see who signed for it. And just keep trying until you reach him.
Definitely leave the wife out of it. Your Dad will put her in her place if he wants you back in his life.
Good luck to you and keep us posted! I pray the best for you.
I hope you have called your Dad, don't stop till you get hold of him. My parents divorced when I was a teen-ager and it was very painful. For a long time I went along with my life like I was grown up and I didn't need him. I married and had children. He had his life and remarried. Well, he became sick and died, when he was only 61. That was 13 years ago this summer. Its so easy to look back and see what you should have done. I have many memories of growing up that were good, and I have wonderful memories of the last few months when I spent time with him. I cried so much when he died. I lost him twice, when my parents divorced and when he died. He needs you as much as you need him.
Please try to get in touch with him. If it doesn't work out, at least you tried again. Don't give up. I hadn't seen my Dad in over 10 years after he and my Mom divorced. I had to find out from a cousin that Dad had commited suicide, no letter, nothing indicating the reason. Now my sisters & I are dealing with that guilt & all the unanswered questions.
WRITE YOUR DAD! Life is too short. If you don't do this and something happens to him believe me you'll regret it. Keep your letter short. Don't bring up so much from the past, just say you're sorry for how the current relationship is between y'all right now and tell him you miss him and want him to be apart of you and your new family's life. Send a picture of your son, it will mean alot to him.
Specializes in Critical Care, ED, Cath lab, CTPAC,Trauma.
Take your letter in person......who cares about her but be polite.......so take your letter in person with your son in tow....nothing helps melt a heart but a sneek peek into the future through a childs eyes!
KaroSnowQueen, RN
960 Posts
My dad and I became estranged in 1997, and I didn't speak to him again until 2006. He also had a new wife I wasn't in love with. I wrote him a one page letter explaining my feelings to him after my aunt called me and told me he had a stroke. He called me the same night.
Things are almost the way they used to be. But I'm glad I made peace with him. My sister and our children have not, and that is their business. The only person I had to live with in this situation is myself, and I feel better. Talk with your dad, even if it doesn't turn out well, your conscience will be clear and you will feel better.