Nurse Vs Daughter! Help Me!!!

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Specializes in LTC.

I worked night shift at my prn job & had a patient due meds so I get them & go to his room meet him & give meds. I look on his wall and there is a familiar photo there. I say to him " whos that girl?" he said "thats my daughter x"....which just so happened to be my cousin. This man was married to my aunt yrs ago although up til then I had never met him. I then told him that I was so & so's neice (his ex) & that my dad was x, his former in law. Well....I was just dumbfounded because I have not had any association with my family in YEARS! I havent talked / spoken to my dad in 5 years...the remainder of family about 7. Me and my dad had a huge disagreement 5 yrs ago & I went off on him & his girlfriend in bad way. . I was still in nursing school at the time. Anyway...he gets up at 3am to talk to me. He asked me about my dad & when the last time I saw him was...I told him a long time ago...I didnt go into any detail...just that we had a falling out & havent spoken since. He tells me "you need to get in touch with him. things arent what they seem. trust me", I dont know what he meant by that. He wouldnt tell me, other than that I needed to find him again. He told me that my dad did not hate me. I have felt like he has hated my guts since that fight. It was sparked by his then girlfriend, now wife. We didnt click from day 1! Anyway, I heard about a year ago that my dads health wasnt up to par. I emailed him this long long email apologizing for all the things I said to him...he never replied back. His wife did, & in her reply email she told me he wasnt interested in reading anything from me & didnt care to do so. So.I let it go...til I met this man who is the 2nd person to tell me to reach out to my dad. I have written an 8 pg letter in full blown detail about my apology etc etc. My family doesnt even know I have a 3 yr old son! I do miss my dad. This pt. told me that it had to be GOD who sent me there that night to work and have him, that we were meant to meet this way. I dont know where my dad is. I am planning on sending the letter to his parents which live out of state & having my grandfather to hopefully mail the letter for me. I think that the apology email i sent last year was intervened by the wife...and he didnt see it. We split when I was 22. Im 27now. Should I go through with this? Has anyone else had a chance encounter like this? Im afraid that if I dont take this pt's advice I might regret it for the rest of my life...what if my dad is really sick ? I wouldnt know...I want the chance to redeem myself and try to fix this. The nurse in me says "how do you know this pt is telling the truth", the daughter in me says "you better do it". This pt knew absolutely everyone in my family. I know he is legit. Im having an internal dilemma between nurse/daughter here. I need some hard core advice. The nurse in me also wants to help my dad if he's sick. There are no other nurses in my family, on either side. Im the only one. The daughter just wants her dad. I would just like to talk to him without that wife being around. I only want to see him, not her, but Im afraid that if he does get the letter, what if she opens it first & doesnt let him read it? I think she would be less likely to do that if my grandparents would put their return address on it. Ugh....help a girl out here folks! I would love to hear from moms, dads, uncles, any and all who can offer me some type of advise on this.

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Specializes in insanity control.

Reach out again with your letter. You never know when it will be to late.

kelly

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Speaking from experience, when they are gone, they are gone. You will suffer many times over if you do not take this God-given opportunity. I also think the wife intercepted your previous attempt. If you can't get another relative to act as intermediary, do something in person. You will regret it if you don't. I know that for a fact. Good luck with this.

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Specializes in LTC.

Thank you all so much. My gut is telling me to do it do it do it! I also believe she intercepted it. I honestly never gave it much thought before because I was never expecting to run into anybody, especially a pt, who would know my family. I wish you could have seen the look in his eyes when he was telling me to find him. He was serious. The only people I can think of that might help me is my grandparents. He told me that they had just gotten a new house but lived in the same area as before. I found three phone numbers for the same address and he told me that my aunt was living in their old house. Either way, there is someone there who might can help me. I also fear that if he does get it, he mght think that he cant reply because of his wife. She had it out for me way back when. She did alot of underhanded things to me. She tried to get me kicked out of nursing school...called the DEAN to tell her I was too "mean to be a nurse".....that blew up in her face..I dont think my dad knew about that or he would have handled it. She is a "homemaker".....stays online all day long and spends his money, which hes always had plenty of. Thats why I didnt care for her. From the moment I met her, I sensed she was a golddigger...when I told him how I felt...it blew up from there. The wife prior to this one was the same way & it took 2 yrs before he figured out I was right about her too. She didnt like me either lol. Keep your fingers crossed. I will keep you all updated and posted on what happens. Im going to put the envelope in the mail tomorrow and hope it reaches its destination.

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Which would you regret more? Never trying, or trying to make amends?

I worked night shift at my prn job & had a patient due meds so I get them & go to his room meet him & give meds. I look on his wall and there is a familiar photo there. I say to him " whos that girl?" he said "thats my daughter x"....which just so happened to be my cousin. This man was married to my aunt yrs ago although up til then I had never met him. I then told him that I was so & so's neice (his ex) & that my dad was x, his former in law. Well....I was just dumbfounded because I have not had any association with my family in YEARS! I havent talked / spoken to my dad in 5 years...the remainder of family about 7. Me and my dad had a huge disagreement 5 yrs ago & I went off on him & his girlfriend in bad way. . I was still in nursing school at the time. Anyway...he gets up at 3am to talk to me. He asked me about my dad & when the last time I saw him was...I told him a long time ago...I didnt go into any detail...just that we had a falling out & havent spoken since. He tells me "you need to get in touch with him. things arent what they seem. trust me", I dont know what he meant by that. He wouldnt tell me, other than that I needed to find him again. He told me that my dad did not hate me. I have felt like he has hated my guts since that fight. It was sparked by his then girlfriend, now wife. We didnt click from day 1! Anyway, I heard about a year ago that my dads health wasnt up to par. I emailed him this long long email apologizing for all the things I said to him...he never replied back. His wife did, & in her reply email she told me he wasnt interested in reading anything from me & didnt care to do so. So.I let it go...til I met this man who is the 2nd person to tell me to reach out to my dad. I have written an 8 pg letter in full blown detail about my apology etc etc. My family doesnt even know I have a 3 yr old son! I do miss my dad. This pt. told me that it had to be GOD who sent me there that night to work and have him, that we were meant to meet this way. I dont know where my dad is. I am planning on sending the letter to his parents which live out of state & having my grandfather to hopefully mail the letter for me. I think that the apology email i sent last year was intervened by the wife...and he didnt see it. We split when I was 22. Im 27now. Should I go through with this? Has anyone else had a chance encounter like this? Im afraid that if I dont take this pt's advice I might regret it for the rest of my life...what if my dad is really sick ? I wouldnt know...I want the chance to redeem myself and try to fix this. The nurse in me says "how do you know this pt is telling the truth", the daughter in me says "you better do it". This pt knew absolutely everyone in my family. I know he is legit. Im having an internal dilemma between nurse/daughter here. I need some hard core advice. The nurse in me also wants to help my dad if he's sick. There are no other nurses in my family, on either side. Im the only one. The daughter just wants her dad. I would just like to talk to him without that wife being around. I only want to see him, not her, but Im afraid that if he does get the letter, what if she opens it first & doesnt let him read it? I think she would be less likely to do that if my grandparents would put their return address on it. Ugh....help a girl out here folks! I would love to hear from moms, dads, uncles, any and all who can offer me some type of advise on this.
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Specializes in home health, dialysis, others.

You absolutely must keep trying to get in touch with your Dad. Do not let this opportunity pass - you are way too young to carry the burden of 'what if' for the rest of your life.

There are very few reasons to ever remain estranged; the hardest thing to let go of is pride. And keeping up an estrangement for the sake of pride takes a high price from your soul. I have seen way too many people and families hurt due to long-held beliefs that really no longer matter. If people are telling you that he doesn't hold a grudge, that he would like to hear from you, then go for it.

You will have peace in your heart when you mend the tear in this relationship.

Best wishes - please let us know how this turns out for you!

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Specializes in ORTHOPAEDICS-CERTIFIED SINCE 89.

As the ad used to say....Just DO it. You can also search online for names using four11.com I found a cousin who wandered of in a druggie haze 20 years ago. We made contact and he called me several times apologizing for the embarrassment he had caused his family,

DO IT!

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Is there a way you can contact your father away from his home? A work address? A church where he goes? Seems like the only way to be certain his wife isn't able to intercept a message is to contact him directly.

As for the nurse vs. daughter stuff, the nurse is trying to stay distant and protected, while the daughter just wants to go home.

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Maybe send your grandparents a simple letter telling about who you just met and that you tried to send a letter but didn't hear back from him. And ask if they could forward it to him for you. That way it also gets a reply from them about them about forwarding it. And maybe send your phone number on the bottom of it.

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Specializes in DOU.

I am assuming your dad is SICK. Especially because of this, I don't suggest you go in to every thing you hate about his wife. He married her, and presumably is still married to her, and he has a right to be married to whomever he pleases. He obviously cares enough about her to stay married, so she must be doing SOMETHING for him that he values. Your judgements will not bring him peace. There will be plenty of time for your hating later on.

8 pages is a very long apology. I would keep it short and sweet, and not blame anyone else. A simple "I'm sorry for my role in the way our relationship has devolved, and I really miss you" should do it.

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Specializes in Acute Care, Rehab, Palliative.

I would tell you to try as hard as you can to talk to your dad.You will always regret it if you don't. My dear dad has been gone 5 years and he went suddenly so there was no time to tell him how much I loved him.Thankfully we had a good conversation on the phone the day before so I was at peace when he went.

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Find your dad and make peace.

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