My husband is in nursing school

Red Kryptonite · Oct 28, 2014

Okay, now I am a little concerned. He says this will happen after every single exam now, and he will do it whether you like it or not. There are things that need done around your home, but he's wasting time and money with this instead. You describe him as "the boss of your relationship" and for some reason as an American woman in 2014 you are content to live that way.

I am moving quickly toward sharing the view that this is, in fact, something that may be troubling. But I also think the dynamics in your marriage need a major overhaul.

RNperdiem, RN · Oct 28, 2014

I would be bothered if my husband regularly went out for a drink-up at the bar after spending hours with the same people leaving you uninvited.

Marriage requires regular maintenance to survive. This involves setting aside time for the two of you. He seems to have hours of time for his nursing school buddies. Do you feel like you are less of a priority? How much time do you get?

iluvgusgus · Oct 28, 2014

So when I was in nursing school, I barely had time to eat dinner and driving more than a half hour for a study group wouldve cut into study time and I wouldnt have ever done that. I think 8 hours in a study group is excessive, maybe 2-3 hours.... to bounce ideas off eachother. I also think having to party after each exam is excessive since theres one like every 2 wks! Staying out for 5 hours, with other women, away from your spouse.... I wouldve been upset too. I think anyone would be upset if their spouse who is always busy studying is now choosing to spend his time socializing with other students he/she barely knows and not with their wife/husband. If he is "the boss" and hes just a student and telling you how things are going to go, while you sit at home all night waiting for him, how do you think it is going to be when he's the one bringing home the bacon?

That Guy, BSN, RN, EMT-B · Oct 29, 2014

Yikes, wonder what you people would think of the overnighters my class would have!

vintagemother, BSN, CNA, LVN, RN · Oct 29, 2014

he does 8 hr study groups and goes to the bar with those same group of people. I haven't been introduced or invited to go out to the bar with them. Is this normal for nursing students? Should I be worried and how do I continue to help and be supportive during the next 20 months?

When I was in nursing school, we didn't start bonding and kicking it like that until after about 2 terms.

We did invite our significant others to our events.

Some who didn't invite their significant others were indeed having affairs. But many of us did bring our boyfriends/ husbands.

I can't determine why your husband doesn't include you.

sjalv · Oct 29, 2014

You say your husband is the "boss" of the relationship and that he is unwilling to compromise. Either you aren't presenting the entire story, or you are in an imbalanced relationship. You need to work on your self-respect and find the strength to part ways with a man to whom you have given so much control over your life. It is obviously affecting you negatively if you felt the need to ask strangers for advice.

graphicdesigner22 · Oct 29, 2014

Okay, now I am a little concerned. He says this will happen after every single exam now, and he will do it whether you like it or not. There are things that need done around your home, but he's wasting time and money with this instead. You describe him as "the boss of your relationship" and for some reason as an American woman in 2014 you are content to live that way.
I am moving quickly toward sharing the view that this is, in fact, something that may be troubling. But I also think the dynamics in your marriage need a major overhaul.

I get all day Saturday with him and 2 nights at home, but he studies those two nights. So realistically 1 day a week. All other days and nights he is working, at class, or at a study group. He is getting good grades on exams so I'm not going to ask for those to be cut back.

graphicdesigner22 · Oct 29, 2014

You say your husband is the "boss" of the relationship and that he is unwilling to compromise. Either you aren't presenting the entire story, or you are in an imbalanced relationship. You need to work on your self-respect and find the strength to part ways with a man to whom you have given so much control over your life. It is obviously affecting you negatively if you felt the need to ask strangers for advice.

I'm asking strangers advice because I'm not a nurse, nursing student or medically minded I'm trying to separate my emotions from the facts. I want to factually know what you guys went through so I can determine if my husband is capable of giving our relationship priority during this time and if this really is just 20 months of this behavior then we will go back on track.

graphicdesigner22 · Oct 29, 2014

Yikes, wonder what you people would think of the overnighters my class would have!

Overnight! Yeah I would have flipped out on that. You had a wife at the time and she was cool with you sleeping over with other woman? Dd you end up flirting and/or sleeping with any of your class mates in the process?

Rbeck911, BSN, RN · Oct 29, 2014

Overnight! Yeah I would have flipped out on that. You had a wife at the time and she was cool with you sleeping over with other woman? Dd you end up flirting and/or sleeping with any of your class mates in the process?

This may not be an appropriate thing to ask one of our members.

If you suspect your husband of cheating, then it doesn't matter if he is or not. The relationship has already crossed into the land of mistrust. Often times, adult learner go back to school with the best of intentions and discover that it acts as the fountain of youth. They can revert back to doing things that they did when they were young. That is the sad truth. I hope that your husband is not flirting or having an affair, for your sake. He seems like he needs to grow up, and you need to try putting your foot down. Sometimes it takes drastic measures to see the error in our ways. Try giving him some drastic measures. Don't let him pull the famous guy move and make you feel like your crazy and jealous and all that. You have every right to be given the situation. Keep your head up.

graphicdesigner22 · Oct 29, 2014

This may not be an appropriate thing to ask one of our members.
If you suspect your husband of cheating, then it doesn't matter if he is or not. The relationship has already crossed into the land of mistrust. Often times, adult learner go back to school with the best of intentions and discover that it acts as the fountain of youth. They can revert back to doing things that they did when they were young. That is the sad truth. I hope that your husband is not flirting or having an affair, for your sake. He seems like he needs to grow up, and you need to try putting your foot down. Sometimes it takes drastic measures to see the error in our ways. Try giving him some drastic measures. Don't let him pull the famous guy move and make you feel like your crazy and jealous and all that. You have every right to be given the situation. Keep your head up.

Your right that wasn't appropriate. I think you nailed it. Thanks for the advice.

SmilingBluEyes · Oct 29, 2014

A solid marriage is a partnership, where neither spouse feels threatened by the other's friendships outside the marriage. That means, you are AN EQUAL partner and have a right to your say. He also has a right to socialize reasonably outside the marriage, if you have trust.

Sounds like you have a couple issues: trust and equal share in say in things in the marriage. As you know, nursing school is very stressful. If you feel there are problems, counseling may be a good idea.

I wish you the best.