My husband is in nursing school

Published

My husband is in his 2nd quarter of nursing school and the first quarter went great! I supported him emotionally, helped him with some of his online class work, and took care of all house related things. We had a great plan and we both stayed focused. Now that has changed this quarter he does 8 hr study groups and goes to the bar with those same group of people. I haven't been introduced or invited to go out to the bar with them. Is this normal for nursing students? Should I be worried and how do I continue to help and be supportive during the next 20 months?

Another "male nurse" here... :)

When I was in school, there were (maybe) ten guys and fifty women in my class. My study group consisted of three women and me; a larger group would have been less productive, and a smaller group would not have been a real "group". Anyway, we would meet at the home of one of the other students in the group almost every weekend (Saturday or Sunday), and those sessions would run 4-8 hours each (lots of food and excellent results). My wife was cool with this, as she had nothing to worry about. A couple of sessions were held at our home, and a few were at school in the cafeteria (because we could not con the school into letting us use an empty room).

There were a couple of marriages (one from our group) and a couple of divorces (none from our group) during our tenure, but our group was highly focused and kept the "eye on the ball" all the way.

If one person in a relationship chooses to be (or is seen as) the "boss", then there will be problems (not just "issues", but problems... no sense in minimizing that).

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in hospice.
Overnight! Yeah I would have flipped out on that. You had a wife at the time and she was cool with you sleeping over with other woman? Dd you end up flirting and/or sleeping with any of your class mates in the process?

Wow. Mere proximity to members of the opposite sex does not guarantee adultery. At least not in people with morals.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Wow. Mere proximity to members of the opposite sex does not guarantee adultery. At least not in people with morals.

Everyone's relationship is very different about what they accept and what they cannot live with. Anyone would become worried and have questions after their relationship changed over night because of a new priority like school taking over. It puts a spotlight on insecurities and makes you have questions about motive. Especially if you have not experienced the type of school like nursing to relate.

Thanks for being a sounding board everyone. Great advice both nursing related and otherwise. Sorry "THATguy" if you were offended by my question. "Overnighters" is something I would not think is appropriate way to spend your time once married, but I don't know you and shouldn't have made a quick judgement about you.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Does going to the bar.. involve excessive drinking? If so, you have a problem.

If he is socializing after the study session, it could be understandable. Nursing students form tight bonds to survive the rigors of school.

Or course, the bond you share together should supersede any other. Have you discussed this issue with him?

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Intake, Home Care.

I think you are looking for us to tell you he's cheating/isn't cheating. I'm telling you right now, we can't tell you that.

I will also tell you that I learned something from my marriage counselor a few years ago, 9/10 times when you are suspecting your spouse of something, it's your guilt

Projecting onto them.

You and your husband aren't communicating thoroughly, which if it continues, things won't end well and it will be a long 20 months for you. If he's "telling" you how it is? And you are ok with that? Then shut up, sit down, and take what he's telling you for the truth, period. If you aren't comfortable with his study groups? Then say something. But the only two who know what's going on in your relationship is you two, and asking an online board what you should say, but then telling us that you can't say that because he wears the "pants", you are going to beat your head against the wall.

I am in my second year, and I have 8 hour study groups every weekend. Does my husband like it? No, but he knows I need to study and accepts it. He also knows it's not forever. I also choose to unwind at home with him and a glass of wine. I go out with my classmates after tests and have a little something called self control and have one drink. Because I don't get stumbling drunk without my spouse. That's a safety issue for me. I don't want to be vulnerable.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
I'm asking strangers advice because I'm not a nurse, nursing student or medically minded I'm trying to separate my emotions from the facts. I want to factually know what you guys went through so I can determine if my husband is capable of giving our relationship priority during this time and if this really is just 20 months of this behavior then we will go back on track.

You may get "back on track" once your husband finishes school, but, by the time he finishes school, he will be a different person than he was when he started. Your relationship will never again be exactly what it was before. I'm not saying it will be worse, or it will be better, but I guarantee you it will be different. Professional schools, including nursing school, change people.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in hospice.
Everyone's relationship is very different about what they accept and what they cannot live with. Anyone would become worried and have questions after their relationship changed over night because of a new priority like school taking over. It puts a spotlight on insecurities and makes you have questions about motive. Especially if you have not experienced the type of school like nursing to relate.

Thanks for being a sounding board everyone. Great advice both nursing related and otherwise. Sorry "THATguy" if you were offended by my question. "Overnighters" is something I would not think is appropriate way to spend your time once married, but I don't know you and shouldn't have made a quick judgement about you.

I'm pretty sure your marriage wouldn't make it through two deployments, as mine has, if merely being away from each other and in the company of opposite-sex co-workers is enough to provoke such a high anxiety and suspicion level. If you can't trust him not to break his vows no matter the circumstances, then the problem is with your marriage, not nursing school.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Join the Discussion