In my last role as a school nurse there was a girl who, at the age of 11 told her parents she wanted to be a boy. So,, the parents did what they could and got help from various doctors and experts, and over the course of the next 3 years I got to know this student well, and regardless of what I thought on the matter, was able to support this student. The student knew I had a different perspective but we had a good working relationship and this student appreciated a different perspective eg I disagreed with the hormone blockers, chest compression brace and eventual male hormones.
Anyway, during this student's time here, 2 close female friends of the student decided they were trans as well. The thing is, I believed they were not trans. I knew both of them had serious family issues, including a family divorce, and had also gone through the gambit of self harm - from cutting, eating disorders etc. But the rest of the group of girls all agreed they were trans, and encouraged this.
At about the same time this was happening, Brown university came out with a study looking into ROGD (rapid onset gender dysphoria) which showed that the vast majority of the teens and young adults coming out as trans, were not actually trans. They cited various issues, including media pressure as well as underlying, unresolved psychological issues. Unfortunately, because this study was not 'affirming' of their transition, the study was withdrawn due to media pressure.
Anyway, regardless of my thoughts, these students were sent to the pediatric psychologist, who promptly refused to see them. I knew the psychologist very and and she confided in me that it's far too dangerous a minefield and she could easily lose her licence. She said that basically, any opinion that did not affirm someone as trans risked it all. A second pediatric psychologist I knew also refused to see them.
Anyway, the school decided to go along with one of the girl's requests to be called a boy. I was not happy to do this, but did ask my manager if the girl's parents were aware we were calling their daughter a boy. My manager said 'Yes' the parents were aware.
I was not convinced I was being told the truth, and about one week after being told the parents were aware, the headmaster had a talk with us in the health center, and told us that if we have any communication with the parents, not to call their daughter a boy or use her boy name ie we were told to lie to the parents.
I was not happy to do this, and quit. And now I'm in the middle of the Australian desert having new adventures.
Specializes in Community Health, Med/Surg, ICU Stepdown.
Btw, manic crazy people are often very intelligent. Maybe not emotionally stable, I'll give you that! But intelligent and creative, definitely! People with bipolar disorder have made innumerable contributions for the fields of math, science, art, history, music, acting, writing, etc. Winston Churchill, Kurt Cobain, Jimi Hendrix (has a song called Manic Depression!), Vincent Van Gogh, Amy Winehouse, Carrie Fisher, Mariah Carey... the list goes on an on! Look it up, not joking. I'm super crazy and I only missed one question on my SATs ? #HumbleBrag
Currently I am in the DNP program working on my NP cert. I will say the first thing we are taught when greeting a client for the first time or any time, we introduce ourselves, confirm their name and DOB. Then we ask how they would like to be addressed and what pronouns they prefer. So for instance, if their name is John Doe, but they prefer to be called Queen and they prefer her, hers, she, we would address them in that way. Gender and identity is a touchy subject. But remember, people are unique, it’s not our place to insert our own beliefs as providers. We simply care for the client. And we are aware of trauma informed care. Maybe these clients change their mind later down the road and maybe they don’t, identity is fluid. And that is OK. We will be there every step of the way, to support them and make them feel safe when under our care. Too many people who identify as trans are scared to come into the clinic or to see healthcare providers because they are judged or they don’t receive the proper informed care. The best thing to do if you are unsure is ask! Educate yourself and you will be surprised with what you learn ❤️
As a psych nurse and the mother of a transgender child, my take is: if you say you're trans, whatever your reasoning, you are trans. No one else can decide that for you. Also, you may change your mind later, and that's okay. The only precaution I would take is not doing anything irreversible (surgical) before the age of 21.
Sliding between genders, or abandoning gender altogether, is socially acceptable with young people today, and that's a good thing. For many of us, trans or not, gender roles have been confining, even imprisoning and damaging. I see some victims of sexual abuse decide they are transgender, and I do wonder if they are just trying to avoid being assaulted--but the problem is not the kid here. The problem is that this society lets so many kids be sexually abused. Let's worry about that, and let kids present however they want.
Specializes in Physiology, CM, consulting, nsg edu, LNC, COB.
On 3/17/2021 at 6:25 PM, nursingaround1 said:
To say gender identity and sexual orientation are completely different is utterly wrong.
(the following was NOT written by nursingaround1... I have no idea how to get them out of the quote box. ..sorry....HB
On the contrary. There are (at least) two different sexual preferences possible for persons who identify as males: some males prefer female sexual partners, and some prefer males.
Likewise, some people who identify as female prefer male sexual partners, and some prefer females.
And just to blow your mind a little more, it is inaccurate to describe a person who was classified at birth as female but has transitioned to male as “lesbian” if he prefers women as sexual partners.
It is further inaccurate to describe a person who was classified as a male at birth but has transitioned to female as a homosexual if she wants a male partner.
A transitioned person could, in fact, be gay or lesbian and be attracted to his or her transitioned gender.
Identifying yourself as your body type is not definitive of sexual orientation, in other words.
QED.
Your overall message and intention is great and the support that is needed, but a few of your details/descriptions are not completely on point and accurate, which could cause more fuel for the bigoted people that you are trying to educate.
For instance bisexual doesn’t mean “It's just being attracted to and wanting sex with members of either sex. “ It doesn’t solely have to do with who you want to have sex with.
Also, by and large the Q in LGBTQ does in fact stand for queer according to several reputable LGBTQ organizations. And to say half of trans people may have just been declared the wrong sex at birth by the doctor also isn’t accurate.
The feminist in me won’t even touch calling football “her doing her man stuff” LOL all of that to say that I appreciate the message and education that you are trying to provide, but it is also important for that information to be as accurate as possible.
Both you and Gilly have me confused. I have several gay friends that I am very curious about but I am afraid to ask questions because of offending them. My curiosity is all about how happy they are engaging in something that I find alien practically. Except for my dad, brother and grandfathers, I have big problems touching another man longer than the normal social etiquette requires. I'm trying to find out if I am homophobic. I couldn't give two hoots about their desires or who they have sex with but I don't want to know any details whatsoever! None. Zilch! It would freak me out. Now two women are a different matter altogether. Does that make me homophobic?
My core beliefs are people should do whatever pleases them without any judgment from others. It's their business. I would never share details of my activities with anyone, it's personal. So I don't want to know any of theirs. Does it make me homophobic though that I can't stand to see anything intimate re men but have absolutely no problems with looking at women? Is my response psychological, cultural, abnormal or biological? Really sorry if I have made this personal but I don't know where to get answers. I couldn't ask another person without having some sort of psychotic breakdown because I would be intruding and imposing upon them.
In my last role as a school nurse there was a girl who, at the age of 11 told her parents she wanted to be a boy. So,, the parents did what they could and got help from various doctors and experts, and over the course of the next 3 years I got to know this student well, and regardless of what I thought on the matter, was able to support this student. The student knew I had a different perspective but we had a good working relationship and this student appreciated a different perspective eg I disagreed with the hormone blockers, chest compression brace and eventual male hormones.
Anyway, during this student's time here, 2 close female friends of the student decided they were trans as well. The thing is, I believed they were not trans. I knew both of them had serious family issues, including a family divorce, and had also gone through the gambit of self harm - from cutting, eating disorders etc. But the rest of the group of girls all agreed they were trans, and encouraged this.
At about the same time this was happening, Brown university came out with a study looking into ROGD (rapid onset gender dysphoria) which showed that the vast majority of the teens and young adults coming out as trans, were not actually trans. They cited various issues, including media pressure as well as underlying, unresolved psychological issues. Unfortunately, because this study was not 'affirming' of their transition, the study was withdrawn due to media pressure.
Anyway, regardless of my thoughts, these students were sent to the pediatric psychologist, who promptly refused to see them. I knew the psychologist very and and she confided in me that it's far too dangerous a minefield and she could easily lose her licence. She said that basically, any opinion that did not affirm someone as trans risked it all. A second pediatric psychologist I knew also refused to see them.
Anyway, the school decided to go along with one of the girl's requests to be called a boy. I was not happy to do this, but did ask my manager if the girl's parents were aware we were calling their daughter a boy. My manager said 'Yes' the parents were aware.
I was not convinced I was being told the truth, and about one week after being told the parents were aware, the headmaster had a talk with us in the health center, and told us that if we have any communication with the parents, not to call their daughter a boy or use her boy name ie we were told to lie to the parents.
I was not happy to do this, and quit. And now I'm in the middle of the Australian desert having new adventures.
DIDN'T you know being trans is a trend? before it was being bi now it's trans. I'm a lesbian btw, not a trend been that since 6 when I had a crush on my school mate and now at 53 still lesbian, never been with a man, never will.
DIDN'T you know being trans is a trend? before it was being bi now it's trans. I'm a lesbian btw, not a trend been that since 6 when I had a crush on my school mate and now at 53 still lesbian, never been with a man, never will.
See, that spikes my curiosity. Are you saying that you simply find men distasteful? Or you are simply not attracted to them in any possible way? I would completely understand because I could never engage in a homosexual act despite having several gay friends. But, have you ever been chatted up by a charming bloke before and still felt nothing? Do you exude hostile vibes or simply aren't interested in men? I completely get the lesbianism because I find women fascinating on multiple levels. Even supposedly unattractive women have female super powers of softness or empathy or their voices or intelligence etc. So to me I have never met an unattractive, unappealing woman.
Specializes in Nurse Leader specializing in Labor & Delivery.
7 hours ago, calisss said:
DIDN'T you know being trans is a trend? before it was being bi now it's trans. I'm a lesbian btw, not a trend been that since 6 when I had a crush on my school mate and now at 53 still lesbian, never been with a man, never will.
Specializes in Pediatrics, Pediatric Float, PICU, NICU.
10 hours ago, calisss said:
DIDN'T you know being trans is a trend? before it was being bi now it's trans. I'm a lesbian btw, not a trend been that since 6 when I had a crush on my school mate and now at 53 still lesbian, never been with a man, never will.
This can also be a toxic way of thinking and it always saddens me that it’s from within the LGBTQ community. I’m bisexual by the way, been that way since I was a kid and will always be that way because it isn’t a trend for me.
Both you and Gilly have me confused. I have several gay friends that I am very curious about but I am afraid to ask questions because of offending them. My curiosity is all about how happy they are engaging in something that I find alien practically. Except for my dad, brother and grandfathers, I have big problems touching another man longer than the normal social etiquette requires. I'm trying to find out if I am homophobic. I couldn't give two hoots about their desires or who they have sex with but I don't want to know any details whatsoever! None. Zilch! It would freak me out. Now two women are a different matter altogether. Does that make me homophobic?
My core beliefs are people should do whatever pleases them without any judgment from others. It's their business. I would never share details of my activities with anyone, it's personal. So I don't want to know any of theirs. Does it make me homophobic though that I can't stand to see anything intimate re men but have absolutely no problems with looking at women? Is my response psychological, cultural, abnormal or biological? Really sorry if I have made this personal but I don't know where to get answers. I couldn't ask another person without having some sort of psychotic breakdown because I would be intruding and imposing upon them.
Lots of people think the Q stands for Queer but thats apparently only one way to say it. I saw a PSA a couple years back by a LGBTQ rights site that said the Q is questioning, but apparently both Questioning and Queer are widely accepted. Apparently this is a source of massive confusion. It's a new letter and queer has been a fairly commonly used term, I.e. the show Queer Eye, etc. But then again, so is Questioning.
There are plenty of other letters, but you can just add a + to the end, as that includes everyone else as well, whose sexuality and gender preference may be fluid and changing.
Its honestly just a matter of getting equal treatment and not being treated like 2nd class citizens. They are in a protected class, so just be sure you are not discriminating.
T also shouldnt be referred to as Tranny. Thats not okay. Just say Trans. Tranny is hurtful, apparently.
And hey, having some discomfort with the idea of people having sex with any particular gender can make anyone uncomfortable. Some asexual people are uncomfortable with the concept of sex, entirely. So whatever. I wouldnt call that homophobia. And ITS OKAY to ask your friends about their thoughts and opinions and feelings on how you respond to their sexuality. Ask lots of questions. Thats how we learn. Just remember, treat them as equals, just like anyone else. don't discriminate.
Someone else insinuated that I was calling a person born male that was misidentified as a female and transitioned to a male, as a lesbian. IDK where this person got that. I thought I explained that a family member was transgender and had an interesting pansexual story. She started out as a female, and had a lesbian marriage. They both got married and both got a sex change. So they went from being lesbians to gay men. Then they divorced and he remarried a female and was at that time, straight. Hes technically pansexual, and I find it very interesting, and beautiful, really.
To the other commenter that has an issue with a non binary female wanting to do her man stuff, as I put it, because THATS HOW I AM, actually, lmao.. a Navy veteran, I cuss like a sailor, have a blue belt in karate, and sometimes I do wear dresses and sometimes I wear combat boots. Usually I wear my nursing gear shoes. I like the scrubs. I don't have to figure that out. It's manly and feminine and I can be who I am and nobody else can tell me I'm not doing MY manly stuff, tyvm. I also like fishing and can knock down a grown man. So what? Oh and theres nothing butch about my appearance. You would never guess that I was nonbinary. I don't ask to be called THEM or whatever. Call me whatever you want. Some people clue in and some don't. Just, like, whatever. Okay.
Someone who is non binary may want to be called a man some days and a woman on others, and may also not want to identify as either. It's ridiculous to say that because you are a feminist, you cant accept a woman feeling like shes a man while doing some stuff. It does t matter how absurd it sounds to you. It is normal and natural for me and for us. And for... uhh.. they/them. Haha
Nothing but love. Just treat us equally OK just chill about it. Chill. Seriously.
Lots of people think the Q stands for Queer but thats apparently only one way to say it. I saw a PSA a couple years back by a LGBTQ rights site that said the Q is questioning, but apparently both Questioning and Queer are widely accepted. Apparently this is a source of massive confusion. It's a new letter and queer has been a fairly commonly used term, I.e. the show Queer Eye, etc. But then again, so is Questioning.
There are plenty of other letters, but you can just add a + to the end, as that includes everyone else as well, whose sexuality and gender preference may be fluid and changing.
Its honestly just a matter of getting equal treatment and not being treated like 2nd class citizens. They are in a protected class, so just be sure you are not discriminating.
T also shouldnt be referred to as Tranny. Thats not okay. Just say Trans. Tranny is hurtful, apparently.
And hey, having some discomfort with the idea of people having sex with any particular gender can make anyone uncomfortable. Some asexual people are uncomfortable with the concept of sex, entirely. So whatever. I wouldnt call that homophobia. And ITS OKAY to ask your friends about their thoughts and opinions and feelings on how you respond to their sexuality. Ask lots of questions. Thats how we learn. Just remember, treat them as equals, just like anyone else. don't discriminate.
Someone else insinuated that I was calling a person born male that was misidentified as a female and transitioned to a male, as a lesbian. IDK where this person got that. I thought I explained that a family member was transgender and had an interesting pansexual story. She started out as a female, and had a lesbian marriage. They both got married and both got a sex change. So they went from being lesbians to gay men. Then they divorced and he remarried a female and was at that time, straight. Hes technically pansexual, and I find it very interesting, and beautiful, really.
To the other commenter that has an issue with a non binary female wanting to do her man stuff, as I put it, because THATS HOW I AM, actually, lmao.. a Navy veteran, I cuss like a sailor, have a blue belt in karate, and sometimes I do wear dresses and sometimes I wear combat boots. Usually I wear my nursing gear shoes. I like the scrubs. I don't have to figure that out. It's manly and feminine and I can be who I am and nobody else can tell me I'm not doing MY manly stuff, tyvm. I also like fishing and can knock down a grown man. So what? Oh and theres nothing butch about my appearance. You would never guess that I was nonbinary. I don't ask to be called THEM or whatever. Call me whatever you want. Some people clue in and some don't. Just, like, whatever. Okay.
Someone who is non binary may want to be called a man some days and a woman on others, and may also not want to identify as either. It's ridiculous to say that because you are a feminist, you cant accept a woman feeling like shes a man while doing some stuff. It does t matter how absurd it sounds to you. It is normal and natural for me and for us. And for... uhh.. they/them. Haha
Nothing but love. Just treat us equally OK just chill about it. Chill. Seriously.
So two things. Wouldn't it be incredibly intrusive and rude to ask someone about their personal stuff and also how can you possibly guage their mood to know if they would be receptive to such personal questions? I think it would alter the relationship dynamics irrevocably!
2ndly, most men incl myself aren't really designed for the feelings stuff. I acknowledge them and respect that women need to express themselves that way and am completely tolerant and very amused but then that is part of their charm. Personally, I think it's my responsibility to make a woman feel comfortable enough to express herself in any way she feels like without any restrictions whatsoever. Women and children should have complete freedom re any of their feelings. I don't know if men have that right or the biological makeup though!
Specializes in Nurse Leader specializing in Labor & Delivery.
7 hours ago, JadedCPN said:
This can also be a toxic way of thinking and it always saddens me that it’s from within the LGBTQ community. I’m bisexual by the way, been that way since I was a kid and will always be that way because it isn’t a trend for me.
Agree. Honestly, I think there are more people who are bisexual than straight heterosexual or straight gay. I think sexuality is on a continuum.
Also, I'm sure my gay fiancee would be mightily disturbed if she thought my bisexuality was simply a "fad" ?
LibraNurse27, BSN, RN
972 Posts
Btw, manic crazy people are often very intelligent. Maybe not emotionally stable, I'll give you that! But intelligent and creative, definitely! People with bipolar disorder have made innumerable contributions for the fields of math, science, art, history, music, acting, writing, etc. Winston Churchill, Kurt Cobain, Jimi Hendrix (has a song called Manic Depression!), Vincent Van Gogh, Amy Winehouse, Carrie Fisher, Mariah Carey... the list goes on an on! Look it up, not joking. I'm super crazy and I only missed one question on my SATs ? #HumbleBrag