Moved mom out of her house today!

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Specializes in Psych, Addictions, SOL (Student of Life).

No one wakes up in the morning and says to themselves "Yeah, today's the day we move mom into a facility!" But my siblings and I had to do that today. We have been faced with a months long struggle with my very recalcitrant mother who has dementia and is rapidly failing in all cognitive areas. Over the course of the past four months APS, Police and medical and psychiatric professionals have been trying to get her the help she needed. She has injured herself several times and has been looking for my deceased father under the beds and just generally paranoid and not at all sane.

Two doctors declared her incompetent this week and so my siblings and I set out to do the right thing today and get her into a safe place where she could be cared for.

let me tell you - she has always been a bit loosely hinged and we had a very violent and abusive childhood but it's been years since I have had to see her as she was today. She cursed like a sailor, spit on me, tried to jump from a moving car on the freeway, punched me in the face and the stomach and rammed me with her wheelchair. I am nothing but an "Ungrateful, conniving ***** and I am going to hell. She curses the day I was born.

I stood up to it all and I have a great support team but my sobriety is sorely tested today. I purposely did not post this under nurses in recovery because I want all my brothers and sisters to know what I am struggling with.

Hope you all had a good day.

Hppy

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Specializes in LTC and Pediatrics.

I am so sorry that you had to go through this today. Just remember, it is her dementia speaking when she acts like this. Remember that you did the right thing for her safety and the safety of others. Where she is now, she will get nutritious meals and a medication routine that will help her. Many times we receive resident's where the medication has not been given correctly and that will add to issues.

It is good that you reached out here instead of taking a drink. Go eat some ice cream or chocolate instead. While she is angry, you should be able to sleep better knowing that she is in a place that will help her and you won't have to wonder where she is or if she is getting hurt. Don't let her guilt you.

Take care of yourself now.

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Specializes in geriatrics.

Sounds like you had a very long, terrible day. Dealing with a cognitively impaired parent and their behaviors is exhausting. I hope you have a good support system.

Please get some rest and take care of yourself. You make the right choice and your Mom is safe.

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I hope your day has gotten better and remember: you had no other viable option, she was endangering herself, and there is no law stating that as her daughter you should feel guilt. Maybe you do, maybe you don't. Go to sleep each night knowing you did what was right and appropriate. I'm sorry she punched you though, that's terrible. Your situation is terrible in general, but that's particularly crappy. No one is trying to get punched in the face by their elderly mom.

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Specializes in Psych, Addictions, SOL (Student of Life).

You know if I didn't have 6 years of experience as a psych nurse I don't think I could have done it - I spoke to all siblings before it started with instructions "Not to engage" and although we have had our differences in the past we all came through for each other. But I think I will actually sleep tonight Knowing she is safe! and they even let her have her dog! :cheeky:

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Specializes in PACU, pre/postoperative, ortho.

I've been in that place with my mom as well. It's going to continue to be extremely hard while she's adjusting. Just remember it's the dementia talking; I know you know this, but it's easy to forget when you're the one trying to muddle your way thru it.

Lean on your siblings & friends or please come here to vent. Your sobriety was a hard fought battle. Though it sounds like your relationship was rocky in the past, I'm sure your mom would not ever have wanted to see you give that sobriety up.

Dementia is a soul sucking disease for everyone. You can't save your mom from it but don't lose yourself as well.

You're in my thoughts.

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Specializes in Dialysis.

(((((((((Hugs to you)))))))))I'm sorry you had to do this even though you know it had to happen.

Take care of you now

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You sound like an amazing survivor to me.:up:

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Specializes in retired LTC.

As others have said, I wish you all the best too in this rough time. It's your Mom's illness, not her. But oh so hard for those who have to stand by and make the tough decisions.

(((HUGS))) to you and your family.

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Your post tugged at my heart.

My mom was the same way and with-it enough to know we were placing her in "the looney bin". She was furious and yes, violent. For awhile after placement locally, they had to hire traveling CNA's to just sit with her and keep her safe. And other folks safe.

It was a mess. For a long time.

She was moved 3 times. The last one was actually good. After approximately 3 year after being placed, she died. About a month ago. We buried her last week.

It is a tough road. You know you are doing the right thing but you *hear* a different story from the mouth of your own mom.

Keep your head up. You did the right thing. Yes, she is safe.

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Specializes in Medical and general practice now LTC.

Not always one of the easiest decisions to make but know you did it for her best and I am sure she will settle

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Specializes in Family Nurse Practitioner.

I know you are strong enough to get through this. Think of this as starting a new chapter in your life. Now breathe a sigh of relief!

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