Mean and Nice Coworker

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I work on a busy acute floor for almost a year. I have a team member who at one moment treats me like I'm her best friend, and the next like I'm a piece of crap. Like we're in highschool. But if I'm not nice to her, she'll make my work life a living disaster. I'm so sick of this. Sometimes I just wanna wave my white flag and give up. The crap I get from nurses.

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Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.

I am sorry  you are going through this. The issues clearly lie with that person. I would keep it strictly professional and without any emotion and unless she is bullying you, let it roll off your back.  Harassment is one thing; moods swinging another. You can't fix moodiness. 

This person is NOT a friend.

Good luck.

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40 minutes ago, SmilingBluEyes said:

I am sorry  you are going through this. The issues clearly lie with that person. I would keep it strictly professional and without any emotion and unless she is bullying you, let it roll off your back.  Harassment is one thing; moods swinging another. You can't fix moodiness. 

This person is NOT a friend.

Good luck.

I second this. Be polite and pleasant, but not "friendly". Just do your job. Let them talk, but don't do much talking about yourself. Most questions can be answered with non-committal things like:

"Oh."

"I'm not sure."

"I hadn't thought about that."

There's always one passive aggressive employee on every unit. Always. Don't allow them to punish you with their push and pull act.  

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Only thing to add is that it's only a game if you play it. Be polite, non-committal and don't let this person take up real estate in your head.

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Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.

My favorite line: "I thank you for your perspective". It usually quiets them quickly.

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Specializes in New Critical care NP, Critical care, Med-surg, LTC.

I could write your post! It's so frustrating not knowing whether you're walking into Jekyll or Hyde. I agree with the others, just try to remain as neutral as you can and don't stress yourself about pleasing someone who will obviously never be happy. Good luck. 

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5 hours ago, CharleeFoxtrot said:

 it's only a game if you play it.

^Worth repeating.

Exit yourself from this silliness.

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Specializes in Physiology, CM, consulting, nsg edu, LNC, COB.

Others may also be experiencing this with her. It might -might- be worth it to go to a trusted charge nurse or nurse manager and say, “I’m new here and am having confusing interactions c SusieQ. One day she’s really pleasant and I learn a lot from her, and the next she’s cold and distant and says unkind things to me. Any hints about how I could be more successful dealing c her?” 
You’ll get some ideas, perhaps. However, your purpose is to communicate SusieQ’s behavior without tattling or complaining.  That may be the end of what you hear about it, but if you’re not the only one to see this, management will keep tabs for her next review or counseling session. 

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Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).
On 3/6/2021 at 7:41 AM, NewNurse26 said:

 I have a team member who at one moment treats me like I'm her best friend, and the next like I'm a piece of crap. 

Worked for years with Fren Bren, CNA/tech, who acted like this- one minute as sweet as pumpkin pie, the next mean as a snake. Diana LPN, a really good nurse who got along with everyone, called Fren Bren "that crazy little lady".

I finally dealt with Fren Bren's behavior by being concrete and deadpan with her. I went as far as to say, "Unless you have something to say which concerns the patients or your duties, I want to hear nothing from you".

Fren Bren had worked at Wrongway Regional Medical Center for eons, had FMLA, and got to where she would call off every time we were scheduled on the same unit. Fren Bren told my work wife Eleanor, "Dave just won't talk to me".

It got me through until Fren Bren eventually retired.

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Specializes in CMA, CNA.

A lot of great answers! Although I"m only an MA, I interact with nurses and turn my cart over to one at the end of my shift. I try to always restock supplies, sanitize the cart, get fresh ice for puddings and water pitcher, etc. Nonetheless, this one nurse always manages to make one snide comment like, " this is all messed up- I know I didn't leave it this way". As if we're not adults, as if I'm not standing 2 feet from her. If I did do something wrong, please show or tell me and I will make it right. If you give side eye and passive aggressive commentary, nobody's gonna want to work around you. After all, I didn't talk smack when she turned her cart over to me and hadn't signed out a narc she gave, ahem. 

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Yes, yes, and yes!  I've had this exact coworker or maybe her doppelganger.  She was but one of my many of toxic coworkers over the years.  Looking back, not sure of her psych. dx. but a classic Jekyll and Hyde personality.  Often, I hadn't even had a cross word with her and we were on good terms until we (she) wasn't.  Like the words of a famous country song "....people are crazy"

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This is a case of just look and smile and ONLY speak when it's patient-related, be it good or bad mood. Don't care. I don't have time to be trying to figure out which one of you I'm talking to today (nice or mean). I'm just going to speak when necessary and keep it moving.

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