Judgements about big families

SharonH, RN · Aug 8, 2005

The patient said nothing, I'm sure focusing on the delivery of her child. The nurse apologized in the recovery room for the MD and the patient basically brushed it off saying she was used to it.

That's too bad. I find that in general(there are always exceptions of course), patients are a lot more accepting of rude behavior from MDs. I can imagine that if a nurse had said something like that, there would have been repercussions.

SmilingBluEyes · Aug 8, 2005

That's too bad. I find that in general(there are always exceptions of course), patients are a lot more accepting of rude behavior from MDs. I can imagine that if a nurse had said something like that, there would have been repercussions.

naturally. :nono:

West_Coast_Ken, BSN, RN · Aug 8, 2005

...the patient basically brushed it off saying she was used to it.

This patient's comment is exactly what I would have expected her to say based on my personal experience.

I have 8 children and have heard many ridiculous, inane comments over the years. And these comments keep coming AFTER the fact of having 8 kids like I could somehow undo "the damage." Like, um, er should I put them back? :no:

I don't know why people feel they are entitled to share their unasked for opinions on such a personal topic, but trust me, it happens regularly. I usually keep my family size to myself unless I want to shock someone, which usually happens.

Ken

BabyRN2Be · Aug 8, 2005

We had an incident today at work that engendered quite alot of discussion. A mom was having her sixth c-section and seventh child. Throughout the case the anesthiesiologist was making comments to the mom about how this was plenty of kids and no one should want to have more than this, how it would be irresponsible of her to have more children (note he was not referring to the fact that she had so many c-sections and more pregnancies could be dangerous.
The nurse in the case talked to him afterwards saying she thought it was inappropriate for him to be making these judgemental statements to a patient. He responded that there was nothing wrong in giving his opinion to the patient. I asked if people thought it was okay to make judgemental statements to patients who had abortions. Everyone in the room immediately gasped no!! The opinions on the statements regarding the number of children were split about 50/50.. Why is it okay to make judgements about family size but abortion is taboo??? I personally think they both are off limits!!

If the mom and dad are happy and able to support that many children w/o having to resort to welfare, he had NO business saying that she shouldn't have any more children. NONE of his freaking business. :angryfire

Even if they were on Medicaid, Title 19, etc., he still had no business saying what he did.

Marie_LPN, RN, LPN, RN · Aug 8, 2005

When did God die and leave the anesthesiologist in charge of the universe????

He needs to be held accountable for his actions, that was just wrong.

rn/writer, RN · Aug 9, 2005

It might have been nice if the OB had been a little more protective of his patient. And his own territory, for that matter. He could have kept it light-hearted, but, sad to say, the necessary criticism probably would have been more effective coming from another doc.

Miranda

Dayray, RN · Aug 9, 2005

Inappropriate!

I continually find things like this coming from our anesthiesiologists. Now I have allot of respect for the skill level of our Anathesia staff but too often they work a few shifts on L&D and think they know it all. They are not OB's and really this is more of an issue for an OB or midwife to tackle.

It also needs to be approached from a family planning perspective. For some patients 7 kids would be a burden and cause financial as well as social ruin while for others 7 kids would be the light of their life and be meeting their life goals. This guy didn't have time to assess the patients home life or belief systems he didn't even care. His statements to her were nothing but bigoted remarks that I am sure made the patient feel embarrassed. She was captive to his rantings because who in their right mind is going to argue with the man controlling your anthesia and resuscitation (if need be) while your numb from the sternum down on a table?

I think that family planning is great and I can see that a patient with 7 children might benefit from it. That's not to say that I think 7 children are too many or that she should be educated to stop. I do however think that for many people family planning can help them make choices as opposed to pregnancies "just happening".

In the area I live in, there is a strong bias against large families. I very often hear remarks made about multiperous patients. I agree that many patients make poor choices and that having large families only complicate and include a new baby into those problems. However I also see families that are very successful with a large number of children.

I use the word successful because success is a dynamic thing. Our mainstream society defines success as financial success but to some belief systems success and wealth are obtained in the rearing of children and guiding them to do the same. People who ascribe to these belief systems and succeed at child rearing should be supported and not made to feel social misfits.

We could also learn a few things from people that believe this way. Heck it was the common view in years past. To them money isn't as important and family is seen as the biggest priority. We live in a society that tells us that we need to make our family life accommodate our professional and financial situation rather then the opposite. It is very very difficult for a family to survive on 1 income and this is because we place higher status on what people do in the professional sector then what they do in the family arena. Raising kids is a full time job and I tip my hat to those that are able to both work and be the primary care provider for their children.

Still wouldn't it be nice if people could be applauded for the work they do at home and seen as successful and virtuous for staying home and raising their children?

Our view of family and professional life is causing serious problems and in fact fueling the very issues that spawn the negative attitudes toward large families.

What is at the root of the negative view of large families? (answer) People assume that all large families are receiving pubic assistance and in many cases they are but why do they need to? Why do people so often have children with several different partners? Why are so many men estranged from their children? Why are there so many of us that don't know how to be married? Why are there so many children with parents that don't seem to care?

It is because we live in a country that forces us to constantly make choice between work and family. It's hard and many times the family has to make the sacrifice. Many times people in disadvantaged situations have children because it is the only thing they can have power over. That places them in a hard spot because they of course need money to keep the family afloat and that takes at least 1 parent out of the house and probably both and then who takes care of the kids? This makes life hard and many times the family becomes broken and people are left emotionally wounded and go on to try again with another partner only to have the same thing happen.

If we lived in a society that placed a higher priority on family many of these problems wouldn't exist or would be greatly diminished.

I'm sorry I got way off from the OP on this one but I see this as a complicated issue and definitely say that the anesthiesiologist was way off base here.

jkaee · Aug 9, 2005

I use the word successful because success is a dynamic thing. Our mainstream society defines success as financial success but to some belief systems success and wealth are obtained in the rearing of children and guiding them to do the same. People who ascribe to these belief systems and succeed at child rearing should be supported and not made to feel social misfits.
We could also learn a few things from people that believe this way. Heck it was the common view in years past. To them money isn't as important and family is seen as the biggest priority. We live in a society that tells us that we need to make our family life accommodate our professional and financial situation rather then the opposite. It is very very difficult for a family to survive on 1 income and this is because we place higher status on what people do in the professional sector then what they do in the family arena. Raising kids is a full time job and I tip my hat to those that are able to both work and be the primary care provider for their children.
Still wouldn't it be nice if people could be applauded for the work they do at home and seen as successful and virtuous for staying home and raising their children?
Our view of family and professional life is causing serious problems and in fact fueling the very issues that spawn the negative attitudes toward large families.
If we lived in a society that placed a higher priority on family many of these problems wouldn't exist or would be greatly diminished.
I'm sorry I got way off from the OP on this one but I see this as a complicated issue and definitely say that the anesthiesiologist was way off base here.

:yelclap: :yeah:

EXCELLENT! I know this is off topic, but I have to agree with you 100 percent. In this extremely materialistic society, people look at parents with many kids and automatically think of all the things the kids aren't getting. Too much value is placed on what we can buy for our kids....and we as a society are paying the price for that.

allnurses Guide · Aug 9, 2005

:yelclap:
EXCELLENT! I know this is off topic, but I have to agree with you 100 percent. In this extremely materialistic society, people look at parents with many kids and automatically think of all the things the kids aren't getting. Too much value is placed on what we can buy for our kids....and we as a society are paying the price for that.

I find that too . .. . seems that the focus is what we can buy our kids instead of taking the time to take a walk to the park. We take a paper bag and pick up "treasure" . . . a beautiful leaf, a pretty rock, etc.

You don't have to have a beautiful house or a fancy car to make your children happy. They want you. Your time. Your attention.

steph

jkaee · Aug 10, 2005

I find that too . .. . seems that the focus is what we can buy our kids instead of taking the time to take a walk to the park. We take a paper bag and pick up "treasure" . . . a beautiful leaf, a pretty rock, etc.
You don't have to have a beautiful house or a fancy car to make your children happy. They want you. Your time. Your attention.
steph

I was listening to a sermon on the radio the other day, and the pastor said "Where your desires are your heart will follow." It made me think of what we are teaching our kids, and how it will ultimately make them hollow inside. My husband and I are thinking of selling our house, paying off our debts and moving out into a little house in the country. No cable TV, no competing with the "Jonses"....homeschooling, the whole bit. It's hard to let go of what you think your family "needs", when probably most if it isn't necessary.

I live near the Amish community, and it amazes me every time I see these families. No cars, no fancy gadets, and the kids are out in the fields working the farms. Are they deprived? Nope, I know they have A LOT more than our kids do. Ahh, I can always dream about living the country life.

allnurses Guide · Aug 10, 2005

I was listening to a sermon on the radio the other day, and the pastor said "Where your desires are your heart will follow." It made me think of what we are teaching our kids, and how it will ultimately make them hollow inside. My husband and I are thinking of selling our house, paying off our debts and moving out into a little house in the country. No cable TV, no competing with the "Jonses"....homeschooling, the whole bit. It's hard to let go of what you think your family "needs", when probably most if it isn't necessary.
I live near the Amish community, and it amazes me every time I see these families. No cars, no fancy gadets, and the kids are out in the fields working the farms. Are they deprived? Nope, I know they have A LOT more than our kids do. Ahh, I can always dream about living the country life.

This is what I want too . . .but in a tropical area with a little house on water somewhere . . . . :rolleyes: :chuckle

I want to do missionary nursing too . . . . get out of the bureaucracy.

steph

perfectbluebuildings, BSN, RN · Aug 18, 2005

I have to agree that this anesthesiologist was extremely out of line.

People do seem to have no problem making all kinds of comments about big families- I come from a family with six kids and I know there are lots of families bigger than that, but around here six is a lot. This is a bit OT but, the other day I was buying car insurance or something and for some reason the salesperson asked about my family so I told her. She (keep in mind someone I've never met before) was like, WOW that's a big family, are you Catholic or something?? Uh, none of your business lady!! I think a lot of times people see something different than their own experience and spout off their mouth before engaging their brain.

This is NOT an excuse to that doctor though... extremely unprofessional not to mention extremely poor choice of timing. Not to mention what does he expect she is going to do or say... well OK doctor just take this baby away from me right now, I see your point and I do not want the baby any more! Of course not... :confused: