Judgements about big families

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We had an incident today at work that engendered quite alot of discussion. A mom was having her sixth c-section and seventh child. Throughout the case the anesthiesiologist was making comments to the mom about how this was plenty of kids and no one should want to have more than this, how it would be irresponsible of her to have more children (note he was not referring to the fact that she had so many c-sections and more pregnancies could be dangerous.

The nurse in the case talked to him afterwards saying she thought it was inappropriate for him to be making these judgemental statements to a patient. He responded that there was nothing wrong in giving his opinion to the patient. I asked if people thought it was okay to make judgemental statements to patients who had abortions. Everyone in the room immediately gasped no!! The opinions on the statements regarding the number of children were split about 50/50.. Why is it okay to make judgements about family size but abortion is taboo??? I personally think they both are off limits!!

Sometimes people need to be told not to have more children. Sometimes I wonder if it's always being done. If health providers are telling people full risk of having children. I'd want to be told if I'm high risk. And what I'm in high risk for. It's not right to tell someone I don't advice any further children and that's the end of the discussion. It needs to be followed by the "WHY'S".

My MIL had 6 kids. After the 6th child my MIL was told not to have anymore children. It was affecting her "insides" She's had a bladder suspension. She's doing well. She listened to her health care worker. (actually my husband #6 was an opps)

My cousin she has step-children. She had difficulty getting pregnant. She eventually got pregnant with triplets. She had one complication after another. One of three died. Another baby has complications that will affect her for the rest of her life. She's very high risk. She's got two eggs being saved incase she tries again. And she's actually considering using the two eggs. They are broke--thinking of bankruptsy. (secondary infertility;premie twins were in the hospital)

My other girlfriend is waiting to have children. I try to tell her risk of pregnancy with increased maternal age. She doesn't want to hear any of it. She says, "My OB Dr. says I'm fine to wait. Just as long as I don't wait until 47 y/o like another lady she had" ( I wonder if she's told all risk of increased maternal age and pregnancy--or if my friend wants to hear what she wants to)

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Yes, some people need to be told the risk of having more children...but by their OB...not by the anesthesiologist *during* the delivery, for God's sake!

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Yes, some people need to be told the risk of having more children...but by their OB...not by the anesthesiologist *during* the delivery, for God's sake!

Exactly!

Plus, this guy said nothing about the risks of having more children, just that no one should have this many kids. That is a huge difference. He was making a judgment about how many kids people should have and that is a private decision that has nothing to do with a guy in the OR.

steph

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We had an incident today at work that engendered quite alot of discussion. A mom was having her sixth c-section and seventh child. Throughout the case the anesthiesiologist was making comments to the mom about how this was plenty of kids and no one should want to have more than this, how it would be irresponsible of her to have more children (note he was not referring to the fact that she had so many c-sections and more pregnancies could be dangerous.

The nurse in the case talked to him afterwards saying she thought it was inappropriate for him to be making these judgemental statements to a patient. He responded that there was nothing wrong in giving his opinion to the patient. I asked if people thought it was okay to make judgemental statements to patients who had abortions. Everyone in the room immediately gasped no!! The opinions on the statements regarding the number of children were split about 50/50.. Why is it okay to make judgements about family size but abortion is taboo??? I personally think they both are off limits!!

The anesthesiologist was unprofessional and inappropriate.

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Sometimes people need to be told not to have more children. Sometimes I wonder if it's always being done. If health providers are telling people full risk of having children. I'd want to be told if I'm high risk. And what I'm in high risk for. It's not right to tell someone I don't advice any further children and that's the end of the discussion. It needs to be followed by the "WHY'S".

My MIL had 6 kids. After the 6th child my MIL was told not to have anymore children. It was affecting her "insides" She's had a bladder suspension. She's doing well. She listened to her health care worker. (actually my husband #6 was an opps)

My cousin she has step-children. She had difficulty getting pregnant. She eventually got pregnant with triplets. She had one complication after another. One of three died. Another baby has complications that will affect her for the rest of her life. She's very high risk. She's got two eggs being saved incase she tries again. And she's actually considering using the two eggs. They are broke--thinking of bankruptsy. (secondary infertility;premie twins were in the hospital)

My other girlfriend is waiting to have children. I try to tell her risk of pregnancy with increased maternal age. She doesn't want to hear any of it. She says, "My OB Dr. says I'm fine to wait. Just as long as I don't wait until 47 y/o like another lady she had" ( I wonder if she's told all risk of increased maternal age and pregnancy--or if my friend wants to hear what she wants to)

It is up to the patient's HCP to discuss her risks with her. It is not up to anyone else. I would dvise you to keep out of it.

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IF I were the pt. the hospital suits would be hearing from me. It is absolutely none of his business. I am glad to see that someone atleast tried to stand up and say something.

Now how will this lady feel when she gets pregnant again? Will she consider the "other", because she is concerned about what people think? I hope not.

Shoot I have 4 kids, 3 were C-Sections, I was told by my Doc, NO MORE, it is to risky. But really I bow down to any woman that can handle that many kids.

Breed on, sister!!!

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Specializes in Public Health, DEI.

Beyond the inappropriateness of this guy expressing a personal opinion to a medical patient, I am especially having trouble with his timing. Does he really believe that the birth of a child is an opportune time to expound on family size? It is just wrong.

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I was very proud of the nurse in the delivery for telling him how inappropriate he was AFTER the case! He seemed really amazed that anyone found anything wrong with his "banter" as he called it.

The patient said nothing, I'm sure focusing on the delivery of her child. The nurse apologized in the recovery room for the MD and the patient basically brushed it off saying she was used to it.

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Well since I am from Utah I just had to respond You would never here that here from any medical person . Except for privatey, it would ruin there pratice as an OB . In fact the reverse is true. I being of the LDS faith came to Utah and was asked over and over again YOU ONLY HAVE ONE KID! Being loud enough for every one to hear. Just like that .I respond this was all the good Lord blessed me with. It hurts a Lot when people make comments like this .So much to the point I never Go to chuch on Mothers day. Because it ussally always gets brought up. Its a very tender spot either way. Since we always wanted more kids .

The only PT I have ever worried about was one of my mental health Pts in another state several years ago. .Where the PT was Pregant with number 6 and she tried to clean her number 5 baby with bleach because she felt she couldn't get the baby clean enough, This was due to her being off her meds durring pregancy. Yet the state did nothing about it.

I was really tempted to say something. But held My tounge :uhoh3: . I just hate to see children endangered like that.

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Specializes in Case Management.

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This just reminds me of when I was pregnant with my last child at 43 . . . . I was admittedly scared because we had not planned it but a "friend" of mine walked up to me when she found out and said in a loud voice, full of horror "I'd commit suicide if I was pregnant at 43!".

Steph, I had my 4th child at 45, and I was so extatic! My oldest is 24, and my 22 year old just gave birth to my first grandchild! (My son is now 3, and very proud to be "uncle Joey". Unlike you, I heard no negative comments, and I am so sorry that your so called friend was so rude to you. I think the last pregnancy and birth was definitely the best, and I am so happy to have the choice to have more if we made that choice.

As far as the OP and the situation described, this guy was way out of line. No one should feel they are entitled to be rude, and bottom line, that is what he was--just plain rude! :angryfire

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Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.

I am appalled any medical person would act this way----and sorry for anyone enduring rude and thoughtless remarks.

And BRAVO to you ladies having your babies in your 40s.......obviously, your kids were wanted. What more could anyone ask?

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My cousin had a c-section last year and came out of it so upset because during the delivery the anesthesiologist berated her because she made the choice not to breastfeed. She basically told her that if she cared about her baby at all then she would breastfeed. :angryfire It was not the time or place for that!

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