I have MS, probobly have for 15-20 years but just found out last year. I had some bad issues with confusing the ceiling with the floor and not being able to get up off of the later. That got me diagnosed i have over the years had struggles with changing vision, unexplained pain and fatigue. It is actually kinda surprising I didn’t get dx along time ago.
Anyway several years before my dx I went threw several crisis. My daughter died, I was run out of work (partially unfairly but partially due to cognitive deficit) and my marriage almost ended. During this time I began to have sever cognitive issues with memory attention and well just not being too swift. Over the last 4 years I things have slowly been improving but still are far off from what they used to be. Weather it is due to MS or just emotional overload I’m not sure. I mentioned this to my nero and she sent my to a cognitive psychologist. 2 months after the testing I finally got the results back. I am mildly cognitively impaired in exactly the areas I thought I was. My IQ in high school was 128 it is now 109 (doesn’t seem terrible but believe me its hard to learn to live without those 19 points).
My problems are memory which kind of scares me but not horribly because I can write things down and I have been doing my job long enough that remembering what to do isn’t that hard. Most of the problems I have in this area are just embarrassing but manageable (I think). I also have issues with processing speed, multitasking, CRITICAL THINKING, strength and motor skills. I can still act appropriately to problems but much slower I can see this in my charting. It take a long time because I have to remember how the computer program works and then process that, then remember what I want to say and process that and then review the whole thing. It takes way to long. I can manage the slower charting although I really hate it and its frustrating.
However, The worry that I’m going to miss something is terrifying. I work OB and things happen very quickly one part of me says "I have been around a while and have seen situations over and over again" so I know how to react like most people know their way home. Experience also helps with assessment and although I cant add things up as fast as I used to, I just have that feeling about things and am usually right or at least close.
Also the strength and motor skills thing is worrisome. I can’t start IVs anymore and I used to be really good at that. I mentioned this to my charge and asked to get remedial training but the hospital doesn’t have anything along that line to offer. It’s embarrassing to be orienting a new grad, teaching her and then have to have her start an Iv, which is the simplest of nursing skills. I think I could get by with the IV thing but what scare's me is babies. I have never ever ever even come close to hurting anyone and would not be able to return to work if I did. For the last few years even before the IVs became an issue I just felt weird when I was cutting umbilical cords. Sense my dx I have been ultra careful when holding babies or putting bands on and exhaustingly careful cutting cords. I think I can manage this too but I don’t know that I can and thats making me think I shouldn’t be doing this anymore.
Even worse I absolutely love what I do. I am still passionate and still get happy when I know I get to take care of someone today. I can not imagine doing anything else sure I could work in an office or sell something but well it would just be for the money. I have thought of being a midwife and the doctor says I have the capacity for college but I worry about suturing and god forbid someone made me assist with surgery (which most midwives do).
Money would be a huge issue if I tried for disability my policy covers 60% of my base pay and differentials make up 25-30% of my income so that like a 50% pay cut.