It's 4am, do you know where your patient is?

[Tait]

Mine had better not be at the vending machine again.

Past Patients (1st one was not mine though)

-Snow bank of the grocery store down the street, trying to get more vodka.

-Out front "hanging" out in the truck. "No mam' I was not smoking"

-In the bathroom "No mam' I wasn't smoking"

[StrwbryblndRN]

One night at around 3am I questioned where one of my pt's went. I had given her dilaudid 30 minutes earlier. ONe of the other nurses said she had inquired where peds was so she could get some toys. (I am thinking cards or something that adults would play with)

I then go down to peds and try to find her but the nurses there said she was gone already. OH NO!

Come to find out she decided to stay in the play room and play.

The tech went to get her and she came back with some toys to play with. One of them being a barbie purse. ?????

This person was A&Ox4.

[showbizrn]

ASLEEP!

IN BED!!!

OR BOTH!!!

:cheers:

[arcoiris]

These are great. Just what I needed to read as I take a very short break from studying all day on a Saturday.

[P_RN, ADN, RN]

Let me preface this by saying first: receiving a call from the VP for Nursing asking "did we know where our patient was?"

"No ma'am not precisely" I hear the LPN say.

"Well, come get her, she's sunbathing in the nude, in the rose garden in front of the hospital and she's drawing a crowd."

[Simplepleasures]

Sweetly sleeping:sleep: tucked into the arms of the gentleman in the room next door, the gentleman looked up at us and said, "she's a nice lady and all, but can you get her outta here, my wife will be mad", the wife was in the bed next to him and the nice lady.

[AngelfireRN, MSN, RN, APRN]

This happened when I was a nurse intern, years ago. I went into a room to stop a dinging IV pump while getting my MN vitals. The IV tubing is snapped, fluid pooling in the floor, so I turned off the pump. Patient is nowhere to be found, and as I go toward the door to turn on the light, my feet start to stick to the floor. I turn on the light, and I AM STANDING IN A POOL OF BLOOD!! No sign of the patient, but there's a Foley, bulb inflated, on the floor.

Long story short, we search the floor, occupied rooms included, and finally find the man, buck naked, in a hospital van in the parking lot. He thanked us for the stay, but "would you please take me home now?"

[Ms Kylee]

Oh man.. and I thought I was the only one that had the strippers and masturbators!

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

let me preface this by saying first: receiving a call from the vp for nursing asking "did we know where our patient was?"

"no ma'am not precisely" i hear the lpn say.

"well, come get her, she's sunbathing in the nude, in the rose garden in front of the hospital and she's drawing a crowd."

this one should've had a "beverage alert"! i laughed 'til i snorted coffee out my nose!

[locolorenzo22, BSN, RN]

Hey, I think if we opened a strip club next to the hospital we'd have no shortage of employees....

[beachmom]

We lost a confused man once from his hospital room one night. Had the police out searching, employees searching the parking lot and woods.

Someone finally found him in one of the OR rooms, sleeping on the floor. No one could figure out how he got in there. The OR area is accessible only with a badge. He must have caught the door before it closed after an employee went through.

[grace90, LPN, LVN]

A coworker couldn't find an elderly female patient once, until she came walking down the unit hall buck naked and carrying her foley bag. The pt was told "Honey, you need to get some clothes on, you can't walk around naked." Just inside the nearest pt room was a young, single male. When he heard that someone was in the hall naked, he bent around to try to look out the door. Another nurse noticed and told him it wasn't anything he'd want to see.

[bigjay]

Had a gentleman who at 0100 pulled out his pain pump, IV from his port-a-cath, NG tube and foley. Refused to have any put back in, called the doc, doc said it was okay and to leave him until the morning.

Everything seems fine until 0600 when a policeman comes walking down the hallway asking if we have this gentleman on the floor. I say yes and he tells me he's at the gas station across the street and refusing to come back with the officers there.

I grab a wheelchair and head out to get him. I find him surrounded by 5-6 officers, in the rain, looking pretty miserable (though he had managed to put street clothes on). I asked him if he was ready to go back and he just nodded and hopped into the wheelchair.