It's 4am, do you know where your patient is?

Nurses General Nursing

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Specializes in Acute Care Cardiac, Education, Prof Practice.

Mine had better not be at the vending machine again.

Past Patients (1st one was not mine though)

-Snow bank of the grocery store down the street, trying to get more vodka.

-Out front "hanging" out in the truck. "No mam' I was not smoking"

-In the bathroom "No mam' I wasn't smoking"

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Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.

at the bar across the street from the va. (this was 4 pm, though.) "no, ma'm, i was not drinking. can i have my percocet now?"

two doors down the hall on the left, in the room of a confused little old lady, trying to crawl into bed with her. "i'm sorry, ma'm. i thought she was my wife."

two doors down the hall on the left, in the room of an oriented little old lady, squatting on the floor to poop. no answer when i asked her what she was doing, but the other little old lady said "she comes in here and does that every morning! and you'll think i'm crazy!"

streaking naked through the cafeteria, covered in flour. she thought she'd bake a few cookies. the kitchen staff weren't amused.

and someone else's patient was the one standing at the end of my patient's bed in the ccu, masturbating. the little old lady was impressed with his physique, but not with his manners.

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Specializes in Acute Care Cardiac, Education, Prof Practice.
at the bar across the street from the va. (this was 4 pm, though.) "no, ma'm, i was not drinking. can i have my percocet now?"

two doors down the hall on the left, in the room of a confused little old lady, trying to crawl into bed with her. "i'm sorry, ma'm. i thought she was my wife."

two doors down the hall on the left, in the room of an oriented little old lady, squatting on the floor to poop. no answer when i asked her what she was doing, but the other little old lady said "she comes in here and does that every morning! and you'll think i'm crazy!"

streaking naked through the cafeteria, covered in flour. she thought she'd bake a few cookies. the kitchen staff weren't amused.

and someone else's patient was the one standing at the end of my patient's bed in the ccu, masturbating. the little old lady was impressed with his physique, but not with his manners.

oh those cracked me up!!

thank you!

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Specializes in OB, Med-Surg.

--In another patients room, urinating on the end of the bed.:icon_roll

--In the nurses bathroom, by the nurses station , sitting in the dark. Imagine my surprise when I walked in there to go potty and flipped the light on..AAAGGGHHH!!!

--Trying to climb out the window ( before they were solid windows ) butt naked. ......None of them were able to explain what they were doing....Lord help us!!!!

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Specializes in ICU, CCU, Trauma, neuro, Geriatrics.

Calling 911 as they are being held hostage, peeing in the closet stark nekked, pooping in the trash can in the bathroom, pulling the fire alarm because it says pull in emergency and this felt like an emergency.

Ask everyone of them at 10 am what they were thinking and no one remembers it.

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Specializes in Ortho, Neuro, Detox, Tele.

trying to get up on a busted hip, buck naked...

Trying to go to denny's for waffles

sitting with poop in their hand, waiting for someone to see it..."it looked funny, so I saved it for you."

Asking me to go to the store for Jack daniels, as she really needed a shot for her back pain! (I could have used a shot by then!) Too bad we can't store the keg at work! lol

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Specializes in Intensive Care and Cardiology.

These are really funny! I just had a patient two days ago go outside and when she came back said she was looking at the flowers! Um....ma'am, what flowers? It's January and we have snow on the ground! I didn't say that, but boy did I want to!

(She left to have a smoke)

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Specializes in Med-Surg, HH, Tele, Geriatrics, Psych.

Walking down the hall, with nothin' on but his cowboy boots!

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Specializes in Community Health, Med-Surg, Home Health.

Wow...these are funny!

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Specializes in ICU.

dancing with his iv pole

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1. In the staff bathroom, smearing poop all over the walls.

2. Hanging over the side of the bed, upside down. Legs tangled in the side rails, head on floor, IV and foley pulled out, covered in blood.

3. Sitting in the bathroom sink- pooping, and chewing on Efferdent tablets.

4. In the staff break room, holding the bowl of butter we use for popcorn. And when I take the butter dish from the pt's hand, I see he has coughed out his trach- it's in the dish.

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Specializes in Float.

Running HR 170s on the monitor - sir are you ok? as I knock on the bathroom door. "yes ma'am..I'll be out in a moment"

"Well I really need you to come out so I can check on you"

a few moments later...

"I was really itchy so I went in there to put some lotion on"

Guessing what body part he was applying it to... I held back from the statement I almost made "well I know if you were having an emergency you would pull the cord for help" thought that might be inappro lol

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