It's 4am, do you know where your patient is?

Nurses General Nursing

Published

Mine had better not be at the vending machine again.

Past Patients (1st one was not mine though)

-Snow bank of the grocery store down the street, trying to get more vodka.

-Out front "hanging" out in the truck. "No mam' I was not smoking"

-In the bathroom "No mam' I wasn't smoking"

1. 4 miles down the road at a closed gas station, in gown (butt hanging out) and barefoot.... in the SNOW!

2. somehow out of posey and 4 pt restraints trying to beat us up with his walker.

3. taking out the garbage out of every room on the floor (42 bed floor)

4. snuck a bottle of vodka onto the floor, and looking for a drinking budy- found a 80 yr old recovering alcoholic woman who wanted a lil more than just a shot from him if you know what i mean :devil:

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Specializes in Acute Care Cardiac, Education, Prof Practice.

bump because we all need a good giggle

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Specializes in OB.

Out the front door, down the hill and about 1/2 mile away at the convenience store in her hospital gown - be specific when you tell a wannabe labor patient to walk for an hour....

High risk antepartum pt: Out cruising the local bars (and alternate girlfriends residences) looking for her boyfriend who wasn't home when she called - again in a hospital gown, with heplock - said she needed to move her car from a short term parking spot, even had security drive her over to her car. When she returned, I had already notified MD, house supervisor, security, local police and risk manager (at 1 a.m.).

Back in the years when I worked psych we had one patient that we knew exactly where to find when she went missing - back down on the Block (Baltimore's strip club district). Never could figure out how she always managed to get a ride, wearing clashing dayglo color stretch shorts, tank tops (several sizes too small) and various odd crocheted hats while standing in front of a sign that said "State Psychiatric Facility".

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Not as funny as some, but pretty darn cute...

98yo LOL "polishing" the hallway handrails with room spray and an abd pad.

She "just felt so badly that we were all being so nice" and "this is the only way to pay for all the help."

Same LOL gave me 8 cents and a peppermint candy later in the AM when I delivered her breakfast tray. She apologized that it wasn't quite enough, and if I needed to take away some of the food, that would be ok, she would be fine with a cup of coffee and some oatmeal.

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Specializes in Acute Care, Rehab, Palliative.

How about half way to the next town in an ambulance that had been left unattended and running?

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2. Hanging over the side of the bed, upside down. Legs tangled in the side rails, head on floor, IV and foley pulled out, covered in blood.

:chuckle:chuckle:chuckle Only those medical personnel who have been around for awhile will see the absolute humor in this!!;);)

These have all been great stories, and brought back many memories!! The thing I could never figure out about them is: WHY do they always take their clothes off??:icon_roll

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Specializes in Acute Care Cardiac, Education, Prof Practice.
The thing I could never figure out about them is: WHY do they always take their clothes off??:icon_roll

I know!

I had "naked time" man last night! Luckily he couldn't get out of the bed.

98yo LOL "polishing" the hallway handrails with room spray and an abd pad.

She "just felt so badly that we were all being so nice" and "this is the only way to pay for all the help."

Same LOL gave me 8 cents and a peppermint candy later in the AM when I delivered her breakfast tray. She apologized that it wasn't quite enough, and if I needed to take away some of the food, that would be ok, she would be fine with a cup of coffee and some oatmeal.

Awww! This broke my heart a little, what a sweetheart!

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Specializes in Acute Care Cardiac, Education, Prof Practice.

Ooh I remembered another one:

Naked (again) in his room, hand on his member. "This thing just doesn't work anymore!"

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Specializes in Geriatrics, Med-Surg..

I had a lady on one floor that wanted to keep her skirt above her waist in order to show off her depends undergarments, guess that is better than nude.

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Ooh I remembered another one:

Naked (again) in his room, hand on his member. "This thing just doesn't work anymore!"

This has got to be one funny pt. complaint.

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Specializes in CNA, Surgical, Pediatrics, SDS, ER.

OMG these are hillarious. I busted a gut reading these.

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I was visiting my mother in the hospital one day and was walking in toward the ER entrance when a side door opened and a man came flying out and sprinted past me, buck naked and carrying a bloody sheet.

A gaggle of women in scrubs (at least some nurses plus other staff) came out hot on his heels, but he was very fast and left them in the dust, eventually disappearing from view still going like the Energizer Bunny and still holding the bloody sheet.

I had a couple of questions:

First, if he was going to be naked and make no effort to cover himself, why was he holding the sheet?

Second, why was the sheet bloody, since there was not a drop of blood anywhere on him? Did he actually go chucking through the ER stark naked on his mad dash to freedom and snatch a sheet off some poor trauma victim as he galloped past?

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