Is your spouse supportive of your nursing career?

Published

And if so, how does s/he demonstrate that? What are the little things that they do to gain understanding of what you do? I am a new nurse, and with my new job comes new expectations and roles to fill. I am a "supervisor" of aides at work (I work in LTC) where I must delegate certain things to Unlicensed Assistive Personnel, so that ADDS on to what I am doing at work already. Especially when my shift is full of brand-new CNAs (and nurses)!

Anyways, my spouse doesn't want to hear anything about work. He gets very upset and says that I "should be happy" that I have a job in my field, unlike he who has a degree in another field and can't find work doing that so he does some kind of factory work. He takes it as if I am bragging about having to play a supervisory role (I actually don't really like that role. I WILL step into it so that things get done, but it's not something I enjoy or have ever sought out). I am not. And I have said that over and over. I'm just looking for someone to listen and understand...

So, I can't even talk to my spouse about work at all. Is this the norm? If your spouse is supportive, how do they show it and if they are not (or weren't) what did you do to change it?

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in M/S, LTC, Corrections, PDN & drug rehab.

When I come home from work he lets me vent about my day. He never tells me to quit whining or anything. We let each other vent. Plus he's super excited about me pursuing my RN. He refuses to not let me get my RN.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Gerontology RN-BC and FNP MSN student.

My hubby is very supportive...we will have our vent time from both our jobs, then forget about it. We really try our best to leave work at work, you know what I mean?

Women need to vent and to be listened to, then basically they feel better, men think when women vent....that it's their job to fix the problem. That's why he probably doesn't know how to listen well Nola.

Continue using Allnurses for your vents. Or maybe ask him to have a vent only time every day for ten minutes and then agree to not talk about it the rest of your night together. Also you could bring up its going to be a vent only before you start it, and explain you just need supportive loving ears only, not sympathy or for him to give you a solution, maybe that will let up the pressure he feels when he hears your venting. Also men want their women to be happy, let him know you appreciate him and you are happy before the vent. I hope this helps.

My marriage means everything to me, after God then it's family then work. Don't let work disrupt your personal home life my friend. I'm praying for your peace and perfect balance!:)

Good Luck!!!?

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in NICU.

This has nothing to do about your choice of career. He has lost his job in his chosen field and is being forced to do factory work which is not how he planned his life. So when you vent about work, he gets upset because you are venting about a career that you have chosen and in his mind ungrateful while he would give anything to be back in the career that he loves. This is not a case of an unsupportive spouse. He is upset about his current position and not about anything you are doing.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

If I could find steady work, he'd be really supportive. However, I left a pretty stable and okay paying job to become a nurse. All he can see right now is the missing $$. Also, he has issues with his work (unstable), so it's stress. I don't blame him, but I understand how you want to talk to someone. Unfiltered. It's not the same here. Find a girlfriend to vent to. I vent to my BFF and she is in flux as well in her career, so it works. As the others were saying, men are different. He's not being unsupportive, he's preoccupied with his own situation.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Emergency/Cath Lab.

My future wife is also a nurse. She works LTC and I am in ER. We have vastly different complaints and difference about why our days are hard. We can meet in the middle though and talk about it with a general understanding. It makes things a lot easier when saying "Man I had a rough day, I had a hanging, GSW and STEMI roll through in 2 hours last night". She isn't the happiest at her job right now and I just have to let her vent. I learned that sometimes just getting it off her chest makes it better.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Pediatrics, Emergency, Trauma.

I've learned who to vent to, what to vent about and when and where to let it go; I vent some incidents to friends or certain family members as well as my fiancé; there's one thing that doesn't change regardless of the vent-it's all about humans in human situations...as I go on having almost 14 years in this business, most of my venting sessions are comedy, so, I guess my venting has been more enjoyable to my audience. :)

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in L&D.

Not only is my husband supportive but it was his idea! I wasn't sure what to do next job wise, but he picked up on the fact that a lot of my interests were in line with nursing. He also knew that while his job in financial services was high pay, it also came with the high risk of lay offs, and he thought a stable nursing job for me would be a good compliment. We also knew we didn't want to live in NYC forever and nurses are needed all over the US which was another plus. So he encouraged me to apply to nursing school. And low and behold, during my first year as a nurse he was laid off and I basically supported us for awhile. Thank god we had that option!

He always let me vent about my day. His field is sort of related to medicine, so he has some interest in it. He even could remember names of certain doctors or other nurses on my floor whom I often complained about. Shows he was listening!

I'm a SAHM now, but am considering going back per diem soon. He's very supportive of that. Since he now works from home, he will watch our son on the days I work.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Critical Care, Med-Surg, Psych, Geri, LTC, Tele,.

My significant other firmly believes that a relationship can be damaged if you bring your work home. His rule is that a short 5 minute vent is ok but after that, work stress should be left at work. (Not that he always abides by it)

In spite of this, he shows his support by buying me things I like for work, like stylish dansko shoes, cute bash lanyards, etc. He also financially supported me through school. He makes me breakfast, lunch and dinner when I have to go to work. He cleans up when I'm too tired. He continually tells me I'm smart and competent regarding work as a nurse.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in L&D, infusion, urology.

I'm sorry to hear you're going through that. I agree with Don1984, it has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with him. My husband had a VERY hard time when he lost his job years ago (in a field where he'd been working his way up to the top quite fast for 10+ years), and I was working toward my career and working in the health care field (though not yet in nursing). He was floundering, trying to figure out his next move, having an impossible time finding permanent work, and dealing with some nasty depression in the process. That said, he never gave me a hard time about venting about work. I can only imagine how much it hurts not feeling validated in that you DO experiences stress at bad situations sometimes, even in your "desired" field.

My husband is very supportive now that I'm about to graduate from nursing school. He listens to me vent about school and clinicals (even though I've just wrapped up precepting in postpartum, the one area of health care that makes him queasy!). It's nice, actually, because he was a paramedic, so I can use the "big words" with him, and he probably knows more about breastfeeding support and infant care than most men at this point! He knows this is where I want to be and that I am ultimately happy, AND that the job offer I have will support our family (as he has since moved on to having his own business, which is not yet bringing in a steady income). He also knows that I support HIM with his business, and that as long as we can pay our bills and we are both happy, he can do what he likes.

Does your husband feel like you're supportive with what he's going through?

Up Vote Up Vote ×
My significant other firmly believes that a relationship can be damaged if you bring your work home. His rule is that a short 5 minute vent is ok but after that, work stress should be left at work. (Not that he always abides by it)

In spite of this, he shows his support by buying me things I like for work, like stylish dansko shoes, cute bash lanyards, etc. He also financially supported me through school. He makes me breakfast, lunch and dinner when I have to go to work. He cleans up when I'm too tired. He continually tells me I'm smart and competent regarding work as a nurse.

Good lawd.... does he have a single brother?! Oh wait, nevermind. Back to talking about my marital issues ;)

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Nurse Leader specializing in Labor & Delivery.

Absolutely. We're both nurses, in completely different areas, but we're both totally supportive of the other, as we both claw our way up the ladder.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Join the Discussion