I'm falling for my PRECEPTOR

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I moved to a bigger hosp,& he's been preceptin for a month.Am falling for him,he is so smart & intelligent,am so distracted now.When Im off frm work am singing love songs for 4 hrs on my videoke just to ventilate!For goodness sake we're both marrieds & have kid.I don't know whom to confide to,am afraid somebody might spread gossip.What do I need to do,already havin hard time sleepin,gettin restless...

Specializes in telemetry, oncology, med/surg.

Don't be so judgemental. These things do happen in real life, it is not a joke. Just have to wiegh the benefits and cons.

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I'm not going to pass judgment on you for how you feel. It happens.

However, I strongly recommend getting a new preceptor, and limiting your exposure to this man as much as possible. This kind of relationship is not worth throwing away your marriage and jeopardizing the possibility of you getting your license and damaging relationships with kids. It's just not worth it!

It sounds to me like he's infiltrating your thoughts significantly. Thinking about him is just going to lead to more thinking about him. You need to put your mind on something else, and quickly.

Does this preceptor fulfill some kind of need that your husband isn't fulfilling? If you're looking elsewhere, that makes me think that you are dissatisfied in some way with your relationship w/your husband.

I wish you the best of luck, and hope you make a decision that is beneficial for everyone.

And by the way, people WILL notice that you're taking an interest in this man.

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Specializes in Rodeo Nursing (Neuro).

My future fiancee is a doctor, but she doesn't know it, yet. That is, I suppose she knows she's a doctor, but she may not realize she's my future fiancee. But she did say hello to me, the other morning, so I'm making progress.

But, seriously, there's no way I could get romantically involved with a doctor half my age, and I have no idea what her marital status is. It amuses me to play on the old stereotype of a novice nurse out to catch a doctor, but in truth, I do have warm feelings for her. She's smart, polite, and I don't feel like an idiot when I have to page her. Not that many of the docs I work with make me feel like an idiot, but when you're new, like I am, talking to docs can be uncomfortable, so you tend to really appreciate the ones who are comfortable. A couple of the male doctors are also especially approachable, although less pretty (at least from my viewpoint).

Not really trying to make fun of you, here, because you sound like you might be in real distress, but I do wonder if maybe your preceptor is a friendly face in a stressful situation, and that's what you're reacting to. It's fine to like and admire and appreciate someone, but I have to agree that it would be prudent and proper to curb your infatuation. You could put in terms that, "Gosh, I hope my husband never falls down a well, but if he does, I hope your wife runs off with the kids..."

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Specializes in Staff nurse.

...don't miss-take (mistake) admiration for your preceptor as "love". He may be a hero right now, he is an authority figure right now, and hopefullly he is oblivious to your feelings. If he is manipulating or playing on your feelings, run in the other direction!

...your feelings may be "real" but love is a decision. Love, honor, forsaking all others. Ask for a new preceptor STAT and don't worry about what others say.

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This happens A LOT in the fire / EMS service. You bring in a newbie who has all sorts of new knowledge in her head, but not a lot of hands on experience and pair her up with a firefighter / paramedic who is just SO GOOD at what he does...not to mention he is NICE to look at. The newbie is so fascinated all of the new things she is seeing and doing...and look at who she is doing it with! You end up spending a lot of time together, getting to know each other on a personal basis, and then you start to vent to each other about things that are really personal. You start to get advice from the person you are working with and start to see him as "the one." It happens...realize it is a crush or whatever and go on. Remember that you once felt like the person you are with now had all of those "the one" qualities. Remember that you have worked hard to build a relationship with your huaband and that you are really only seeing the "public image" of the person you are crushing on. And be glad you are in a hospital where you are busy for 12 hours with a lot of other people around instead of in a fire hall with just the two of you....with nice comfortable beds...doors that lock...no public access after 2100...uh-oh!

Ask for a new preceptor, think of all of the good things about your husband and focus on them...think of all of the things your husband does wrong and remember that your preceptor probably does them too...just not in front of you! Think long and hard before you even think about trying to hook up with your preceptor...and then don't do it...you've worked too hard in your career, marriage, family, etc...

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Remember something in my marriage vows about "foresaking all others."

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Specializes in Telemetry, OR, ICU.
Don't be so judgemental. These things do happen in real life, it is not a joke. Just have to wiegh the benefits and cons.

Temptation is everywhere, yet when you marry someone it should be a lifetime committment... and that is no joke, either.

BTW, once an OP presents a topic so serious as this one on a public msg brd, then opinions are fair game. However, personally my intention is never to judge an individual, but judge an individual's actions I may do in the spirit of discussion.

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I'm not going to point out that you should be faithful to your husband, you know that much. I can speak from experience and say that I know what it's like to truly fall in love with someone other than your spouse. In my case it was doctor at the hospital I worked at and the affair lasted for 5 years, even after I left that hospital. I was ultimately the one who could not leave my husband because of what it would do to my children. I love him still, but I know the decision I made was right. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I don't know all of the circumstances of your situation, but I would say this, iIf you really love each other you can put it on hold until your professional relationship is not so close. When he is not in a supervisory role you can sort out all of the personal circumstances surrounding your relationship. From knowing what this is like firsthand I will never trivialize someone's feelings by stating things that sound so simple as "just get over it" or "just be faithful to your husband", etc., I know how hard it can be when you find yourself truly, deeply in love with someone you never planned to. There is such a thing as "it just happened" and it's not something to be taken lightly on anyone's part. I know married people don't want to think about it, but anyone who has experienced it can understand and empathize. I hope this works out for you and it does not effect your career, it's a very fine line to walk both professionally and personally. I wish you the best.

I still think this is a joke......but, if she feels that she is falling for this guy than she has an opportunity to take herself away from the situation and maintain LOYALTY to her husband and children. sheesh it is not that hard to be faithful to your husband. If you want to explore other relationships than get a divorce first! Don't explore other relationships than decide you cannot leave your husband and kids-thats not fair to them.

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Just have to wiegh the benefits and cons.

Benefits:

Satisfy each others selfish pleasures

Cons:

hurt your spouses

hurt your kids

look like a liar and a cheat

I could go on and on

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Specializes in Med-Surg.

I'm a little confused. Are you just having a private infatuation? I think we all whether married or not go through periods where we're attracted to someone else who has qualities and looks we admire. We're only human and just because we're married doesn't mean all those things are turned off.

Or are both of you talking about, or thinking about having an affair? Are you having an affair?

I can't add to what's been said here.

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May be it's just a crush, not love.

Of course is it a crush - love means you want the best for the other person and that means NOT tearing his marriage apart. Or yours.

Walk away . . . . . .

steph

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Not to worry... scientists have discovered that the hormones/ chemical changes the cause "romatic love" only last for 12 to 18 months. After that, "love" takes work. So, if you go through with your urge and destroy two families, you will be right back (with your new 'lover') where you are with your current husband in 12 to 18 months. If you control yourself and perhaps read the book suggested by Nurse Ratchet your crush should decrease in 12 to 18 months.

Besides if he really is that great of a guy, he wouldn't be contemplating cheating on his wife.

Yep - and check out National Geographics article on love and hormones.

steph

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