I'm not proud of it, but I feel it was justified. This nurse is a known drama queen and can't talk about anything unless it is how much harder she has things than everyone else, how everything is about "me, me ,me." She runs around like a chicken with its head cut off. Most people can't stand her, but she has ONE thing going for her: the DON thinks she hung the moon.
We were working 3-11 last night. They were already short one night shift nurse and the other one called in. Drama Queen took the call in, and started carrying on about how she "could" stay until 3 am when the other nurse was scheduled to come in, but she was not going to take the whole building herself and be responsible for all those patients.
So, I agreed to watch my hall and we could both stay until 3 am.
A little while later Drama Queen came over and told me she was getting everyone bedded down "good" and I shouldn't have any trouble out of them. I said to hold on a minute, wasn't she staying until 3AM???
She just gave me this blank look. So I reminded her that if she was going to refuse to work the whole building by herself why should I be expected to?
She stood there a minute and then said, "Ok, you got me."
Later, she came charging up to the nurses station shaking with anger and said something was going on at her house and she was so mad she couldn't stand it and could I call anyone to come in and help.
Being the pushover I am, I told her to just go home at 11.
She calmed down almost immediately.
Later, I saw her chatting with the CNA's, laughing and going out to smoke. This ran all over me and the more I thought about it the madder I got. When she came over at 10:30pm to give me report and leave I couldn't stand it anymore. I told her she had more drama in her life than a soap opera and i just KNEW she was going to muster up some reason she couldn't stay like she promised she would. Furthermore, she expects everyone else to adhere to strict standards but these standards don't apply to her (she leaves two hours early every night, in spite of saying she has too much on her and carries a heavier workload than anyone else.)
Anyway, she gets real quiet and walks away, then comes back and starts making snarky remarks about how I had no right to talk to her that way. I shot back with some remarks of my own while she kept mouthing off and that is where it ended.
Personally, I believe that you were in the right...some people just don't get HOW their behavior impacts others until someone blows up at em...of course, then you're the "meanie" who can't POSSIBLY understand how hard her life is....It may not have been professional, but we're all human. I wouldn't tolerate that kind of flack....
On the whole age-thing....age is just a number. You give respect, you get respect. But, I would definitely respect someone who had been at a facility for 10-15 years, older than me, and knew what they were doing.....I don't expect simply because of my job title...I expect it because of the fact that I am an ADULT, same as anyone else.
Personally, I believe that you were in the right...some people just don't get HOW their behavior impacts others until someone blows up at em...of course, then you're the "meanie" who can't POSSIBLY understand how hard her life is....It may not have been professional, but we're all human. I wouldn't tolerate that kind of flack....
therein lies a valid point about histrionics responding to a reaction that nearly matches theirs.
someone w/a highly dramatic personality, isn't going to respond to intellectual stability.
if anything, they'll make even more drama out of it.
sometimes the only way they hear you is to be louder than them.
i got sick of listening to a coworker, who was THE drama queen.
i had been telling him, "not now, sammy", or "we'll talk later", and he kept on going on and on and on...
finally, i yelled, "ENOUGH!!!" with my hand held out.
it shocked him into silence (w/his eyes bulging and mouth wide open:chuckle).
my point being, dealing w/a drama queen most times goes beyond adult, mature conversation.
they need to be oriented back to reality, and a verbal dopeslap is often the only answer.
while one sat asleep in the chair most of the night, the other simply disappeared altogether (& for hours)...no fluids were given & suspected the vitals were fudged. i purposely waited until the end of the morning med pass to go behind those aides only to find *all*& of their patients on the right hallway were found laying in fully soaked/soiled beds! i know they never gave any of those patients water cause i checked their water pitchers myself. i then promptly reported them to the house supervisor & they both were written-up!
those worthless cna's/human beings should have been fired for negligence, turned into the state, and no longer be around to blemish and discredit our profession! it is so absurd how much people can get away with in nursing homes! :angryfire
In retrospect, I would not have gone about it the way I did, but hindsight is perfect. I wrote the ADON a letter about what happened. I did not apologize but I admitted I should not have lashed out this way. I said I was concerned for this person because if she truly believed what she told everyone else her thought processes were severely impaired.
Of course, I didn't need to say that because it is well known among everyone there.
I think it is called Histrionic Personality Disorder. I wasn't right to lower myself to her level, but I don't claim to be flawless, either.
Trust me, I understand. We're only human. I've had many "moments" in my career as a nurse, charge nurse, and otherwise, where I've had to go back and make things right, if nothing else by doing what you did "I'm not apologizing for what I said, but the way I said it......." We live and we learn in life.
I had such situations as well. There is a nurse I work with that whines ALL DAY LONG, EVERY DAY! She will follow you and whine, block your path to whine about her side of the story and she will also become very beligerent if you don't listen to her. One day, I had enough and told her "No one cares what is wrong with you. You are hard to work with, you are a crybaby and I hate to see you walk in the door because you invade my space with the presumption that I really want to hear what you have to say". Actually, there were a few other words that should not be documented here in allnurses.
That line by Gary Shandling came to mind as I read your description of what you said to that nurse: "Obviously, you've mistaken me for someone who gives a [poop]". :chuckle Or as Dogbert once said to Dilbert, "Don't let me stop you in your search for someone who cares." There have been many times I would have loved to say some of those things to a Drama Queen I worked with. And boy, I would have understood if you *had* said them!
Maybe you could play Dylan's "Positively 4th Street" for this person:
I wish that for just one time you could stand inside my shoes
And just for that one moment I could be you
Yes, I wish that for just one time you could stand inside my shoes
i suspect it had to do with the relative levels of maturity of the two individuals. and after 30 years as an rn, i'm not sure that i consider the rns to be the "superior at work" of an lpn or cna unless we're deliberately placed in a supervisory role. we each have our own job to do, and the presence of a good cna sure makes mine easier!
Wish I could let off a little steam to 2 nurses who try to out "super nurse" each other and drag me into their little power struggles. When there is a question about something the opposite ratation has done and I have no answer, there is always a smug comment or two which sets my anger flaring. I hold my tongue and leave with a roaring headach. Should I give them a little of their own medicine? Probably, but being older and also a less experienced nurse, most of the time I let them look like the baffons they really are.
Specializes in SICU, NICU, Telephone Triage, Management.
Who's in charge at this place? How can this person leave early? Is she being paid for not being there, in which case that would be stealing. Not to mention the liability you would incur for taking responsibility for the whole unit without supervisor's approval or knowledge. I would hightail it out of there pronto.
I have worked with this type of personality. There's basically one in every unit. Shortly after I became manager, I was given the impossible task of imposing behavior modification on one of the squeaky wheels on the unit. I gently reminded my superior that I had not created this monster and therefore could not perform any miracles. But, this type of personality improves when you ignore them as they get no payback for their drama.
But gall takes all forms. Like the LPN who, being in an accelerated RN program, complained to me about her assignment saying she couldn't take the every 2 hour feeder. When I asked why she said she had too much homework!!!!! My only response was silence as I let her digest what she had just said.
Okay, you blew up. Yes, there were other ways to handle it. But, the burning question is......?Did she really leave you as the only nurse in the whole building???? If she did, thank God nothing went wrong. I would not have jeapordized my license like that!
I worked a few years back with a complete jerk in the PACU. We were on call together on Thanksgiving evening. A head bleed was in the OR. "Mr Wonderful" went back into the OR, as the surgery was starting to ask the surgeon just how long this case would take. When the doc told him "a couple-a, three hours", he left me alone in the PACU stating that he was going home to have Thanksgiving with his wife. I told him I did not agree with his leaving. He looked at me and left. About 1 hr later, I get a call from the OR that they were closing the patient - there was not much that could be done for the patient. I called "Mr. Wonderful" at home, on his cell. He did not return my calls. I kept calling him back and each message I left on his answering machine was getting more and more frustrated - and my language deteriorated - terribly!! Thankfully the CRNA that brought the patient in to me stayed with me so I wouldn't have to recover this guy alone. I was so furious that I typed up a letter explaining the situation and left it in the OR manager's box. Do you know that "Mr Wonderful" brought in a tape of my voice mail message (the last one - not the previous ones)- and I got in trouble -not him for leaving the building and not being available when on call. I was dumbfounded and told the OR manager so. There are all types of dopes that we have to work with. Just document, document, document!!! I may have gotten 'spoken' to about what my message, but my letter was in his personnal file.
PS: "Mr. Wonderful" left the nursing profession and is now a minister in North Georgia! I kid you not!!!! I thought he would be too selfish to go into that profession.
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
i worked a few years back with a complete jerk in the pacu. we were on call together on thanksgiving evening. a head bleed was in the or. "mr wonderful" went back into the or, as the surgery was starting to ask the surgeon just how long this case would take. when the doc told him "a couple-a, three hours", he left me alone in the pacu stating that he was going home to have thanksgiving with his wife. i told him i did not agree with his leaving. he looked at me and left. about 1 hr later, i get a call from the or that they were closing the patient - there was not much that could be done for the patient. i called "mr. wonderful" at home, on his cell. he did not return my calls. i kept calling him back and each message i left on his answering machine was getting more and more frustrated - and my language deteriorated - terribly!! thankfully the crna that brought the patient in to me stayed with me so i wouldn't have to recover this guy alone. i was so furious that i typed up a letter explaining the situation and left it in the or manager's box. do you know that "mr wonderful" brought in a tape of my voice mail message (the last one - not the previous ones)- and i got in trouble -not him for leaving the building and not being available when on call. i was dumbfounded and told the or manager so. there are all types of dopes that we have to work with. just document, document, document!!! i may have gotten 'spoken' to about what my message, but my letter was in his personnal file.
ps: "mr. wonderful" left the nursing profession and is now a minister in north georgia! i kid you not!!!! i thought he would be too selfish to go into that profession.
whatever made you think that ministers (or priests) are caring, unselfish people? some of them may be (as our some nurses) but definitely not all.
that said, i sympathize with your frustration. years ago, before my husband and i were an item, he was in charge on the night shift and i was taking care of a balloon pump patient in our icu. one of the cardiology residents (this was july, actually) went into my patient's room while i was sitting outside watching the monitor and charting and pulled out the balloon pump (still pumping) "because the attending said it was ready to come out." no technique, no nurse present, and he didn't even realize it was in an artery. there was blood everywhere, the patient and his family (who were present for this fiasco) were frightened and my charge nurse (who is now my dh) was incensed!
the only person who got into trouble was my dh -- because he "yelled at the resident" the second time he took his fingers away from the patient's groin resulting in a geyser of blood. (i may be mistaken, but i think he called him a f**king idiot" for pulling out an aortic line without even realizing it was in an artery. the biggest f**king artery in the body!")
locolorenzo22, BSN, RN
2,396 Posts
Personally, I believe that you were in the right...some people just don't get HOW their behavior impacts others until someone blows up at em...of course, then you're the "meanie" who can't POSSIBLY understand how hard her life is....It may not have been professional, but we're all human. I wouldn't tolerate that kind of flack....
On the whole age-thing....age is just a number. You give respect, you get respect. But, I would definitely respect someone who had been at a facility for 10-15 years, older than me, and knew what they were doing.....I don't expect simply because of my job title...I expect it because of the fact that I am an ADULT, same as anyone else.