I am the wife of a male student nurse and having trouble coping.

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Hello, I am the wife of a male student Nurse. He is about to finish his first month of school and we have had about 2 to 3 arguments since he started. We have been married 7 yrs and we had never argued like we argue now. I know that it is a demanding program, but my question is, does he have to spend every moment studying and not make time for me and our 2 children? I tell him to give us at least a couple of hours a week of his time but he refuses and rather be at the library or at school. I don't think I ask for much. I have been supportive and understanding but i do get frustrated and upset because I feel he has neglected us. And I don't know if i can go 2 yrs without a date night or a family night. Has anyone else gone through this? And what did they do to get through it? Thank you.

No i only started doing all if this when he started the program, to give him time to study and spend time with us. I am being supportive.

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Sorry, I don't mean to be harsh but no marriage/ relationship is perfect, especially in marriage there are going to be tough times. Personally I don't believe in divorce unless physical abuse is involved. You two live under the same roof and see each other every day. Even if a man works 12hrs+ and comes home that to me is enough. I'd have gym, work, housework, and personally I'd feel smothered if he came home too early.

Nursing school is two years, med school/PT is harder and even longer. Nothing in science is easy. Perhaps you could offer to quiz him? I am sure he is not neglecting you. Men show through their actions not words. Your husband wants to do his best to provide for his family yet you are arguing and complaining; you will push him away even further and he will feel unappreciated. Nursing school is temporary and not forever. Personally, I want to see my man work hard, come home at the end of the day, and for me to appreciate his hard work.

Can i clone you and marry you! Lol, just kidding, but your attitude is awesome and very supporting.

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Thank you imenid, i did suggest the networking with the other members of his class but he refused, got upset and told me not to bother them :unsure: That was one of our arguments. All i want to do is get a better understanding of what this program is all about and i thought by knowing other class members family we could go through this journey together, like our own support group.

He said he doesn't want me to have any contact with his school, classmates or members of any kind. Which there alone brought up my jelousy streak. I am not a jelous person but when your husband tells you that, it brings up things. I know in my heart that he will never do any of that to me but he is saying things that look bad lol... He's not giving me any leverage here. I can't see him, i am not allowed to communicate with his classmates, i can't compromise, i am just suppose to sit on the sideline and watch.

Yea, this just doesn't sit right at all, sorry. Honestly, you come across as somewhat subservient. Don't know if there's a cultural thing that we aren't able to grasp or what, but this whole situation is just.....odd.

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one thing is being subservient, and one thing is being understanding. Like I said before me and my husband have been married 7 years :) happily married. We have never insulted each other or disrespected each other. We have always been capable of sitting down and talking through our differences. We have always made compromises that made both of us happy. Maybe that's why we have been together so long ^_^. But since he started this program, well let me rephrase that, since we started this program, he has had a short fuse, been distance and refuses to sit and talk. So it's a big change at least for me. He wants no part of us but his studies.

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My husband and I have been together for 8 years (married 1) and he just started a podiatry program this year. During the first couple of years of podiatry school, they take the same classes as an MD student, so they are very busy. As we tried to get into the groove of things, it did cause a lot of strain on our relationship. We are spending a LOT of money on his schooling, so his grades and clinical experiences are a priority, but we have had to find a balance with family. Therefore, we decided that I get a half an hour of uninterupted time with him everyday to just talk or take the dogs on a walk etc. My justification for this is that without me, he would be doing grocery shopping, cooking, and cleaning on his own and that's easily a half an hour a day. No excuse! Plus, it's good for him to take a break too! We also try to have one evening a weekend were we spend quality time together (not watching tv!). When possible, we also try to exercise together on a similar schedule. I'm willing to be flexible with most of these things, but a half an hour a day is mandatory. And also, it's so easy when we are so busy to skip intimate/sweet moments like a kiss or a hug, so we try to make an effort to connect like this daily. I also have an office for my husband and when the door is shut, I leave him be. If he can't have the quiet/distraction free time that he needs, he would have to study on campus. I imagine being home with you and your kids could make it difficult to focus (especially since I'm sure he wants to spend time with you all as well), so it may be necessary for him to study somewhere distraction free to be successful in school. This is a difficult time for a lot of people, but it's not forever. I've realized that it's really not the quantity of time, but the quality (cheesy I know!). I also believe that your husband has a responsibility to make time for you and your kids, so IMO there is no excuse to not try to find some sort of balance or compromise like dinner at home.

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Specializes in ICU.

It sounds like nursing school is bringing out some very unattractive personality traits on his part that have either not surfaced prior to now or just haven't been a big deal before. My best friend's husband is a lot like yours, sounds like - he's stuck in a very '50s mindset with the housewife doing all the cooking, cleaning, and childcare while the man does "real man work" (whatever that is) and does pretty much nothing at home. I think it's despicable, personally, but to each his own. I think he really needs to go to counseling with you if that's the mindset he's developing.

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I'm an LPN. When I was in LPN school, studying was my life. My husband & I had a 4 year old child at the time (who is now 12 1/2). I felt like I neglected them when studying. My hubby would take our daughter out on a beautiful day to play for example, and I'd be stuck in our bedroom miserable, studying. It was very difficult. It is actually one reason I chose not to go to RN school to become an RN. I just couldn't go through that again. I studied constantly, still only to make low B's & C's on my tests, never got an A in school. Nursing school is hard, and is does take up most of your time through the week. However, I did try to take a day off on the weekend to spend time with family, & just clear my head for my sanity. I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. Maybe you could sit your hubby down and try talking to him again. Ask him if he could just spare just one night every week or two for a family night. It sounds like he owes you that much if you have been supportive of him becoming nurse. Best wishes...

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Thank you MME20, that sound exactly what I want, just a couple of hours a week.

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Thank you Andreasmom :)

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Specializes in Gerontology RN-BC and FNP MSN student.

Optimally he needs to keep his previous plans of a date night and having dinner...Even if it means losing an extra hour or two of sleep now and then.

I worked full time with full time school for five years with a family. My sleep is what I had to compromise once in a while to get my quality studying in ( early am) and to be able to free up evenings with my family then stay up if needed.

Family time and nurturing our marriage are extremely important for balance in all other areas.

My priorities are what I live by, that is God first then my marriage, family, career... But that's my success formula... It worked great for me.

I wish you the best, hang in there, it really will be over before you know it!! And it is a super intense program, you do have to apply yourself 100% to make it to the finish line, but not while neglecting your friends and family too. Praying for balance over you all! : yes:

Sent from my iPhone 6 plus using allnurses

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Thank you happy wife 77 ^_^

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To give your husband the benefit of the doubt, I would ascribe his behavior to his reaction to the reality of his program. Perhaps he is so overwhelmed that he is in a defeatist mindset and blindly trying to establish some measure of control as a poor substitute for mastery of his situation. Perhaps he is terrified of failing. Perhaps failure is realistically looming in front of him. I certainly hope that he is not using nursing school as an excuse to adopt a jerk attitude toward his spouse and family.

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