I am the wife of a male student nurse and having trouble coping.

Theotherone · Mar 14, 2015

Thank you shelby, that is exactly what i am saying.

MadpeysRN · Mar 14, 2015

I am a good understanding wife, I make him lunch, iron his uniform, have dinner ready when he gets home and not fuss about him studying to much. But would I have to go without a date night or family for the rest of his program? They told him to make a schedule, which he did and he added 2 nights for family or date night but he has not stuck to his schedule what so ever. I think we his support system also need time with him to refresh our ideas an plans. ?

My first semester you do not yet know how/what to study. Figuring out nursing school. I pretty much spent all my extra time studying. My partner never questioned me, he did laundry, he cooked or we would've starved. He knew I was dedicated, never complained I wasn't spending enough time with him. If not for him our house would have been a mess.

Nursing school is relative, for those saying 'its ridiculous I made time for friends etc and had 3.89' to those people not everyone is a brilliant as you. Do not compare your man to them. I studied every extra moment and it was all I could do to graduate with 3.89. My family missed me, my boyfriend NEVER complained and in the summer he works longer harder hours. My sister is doing it now with 2kids, and now she says I understand why I skipped family parties etc.

Be careful, if he thinks he needs to spend every waking moment studying, let him. He feels he needs it. It's not for you to decide or make him feel guilty for because guess what when you make him chose and he does bad on a test who do you think he's going to resent for it?? He's doing this for a better career be glad he's making a sacrifice and don't make it harder for him.

Theotherone · Mar 14, 2015

thank you calivianya.

psu_213, BSN, RN · Mar 14, 2015

I think you have hit on a very important point here. A lot of people, especially medical professionals, get this overinflated ego because of their job. Or whatever they are studying. "My work/school is so important! I'm going to be a NURSE! I'm going to SAVE LIVES! I am MORE IMPORTANT than you!" They might not say the last part out loud, but they sure as heck think it.

This has to do with school in general, not just nursing school. No one on here is trying to suggest that because he is in nursing school he is more important. The point is college is difficult. My guess is, that there would be the same issues in the marriage if he was majoring in pre-law, pre-med, engineering, etc. It just so happens he is in nursing school so this discussion is happening here.

Theotherone · Mar 14, 2015

Yes in a way you are right. All I can do is tell him my concerns and feelings. I cannot force him to do anything, it's up to him what he decides. My therapisr said that YES he is doing this for us right? but it's my job to keep the family together. What would be the point of all the sacrifice if there would be no family to share it at the end? She said there has to be compromise no matter what. But like i said before i agree with what others say about getting use to this and settling in and getting the hang of things.

MadpeysRN · Mar 14, 2015

That is exactly what I say to my husband. that he can study here instead of the library and i would make sure no one disturbs him. That way me and the children can at least see him even if we don't talk but at least we will feel like a family, just occupied. My children lo e to see him home studying lol... they say, "quiet, daddy is studying."

There would be distraction. He's at home, being home is a distraction. You can say you would make sure all you want but him being there is a distraction to himself, let alone with 2 kids and a wife. It sounds to me if you got all these things, it would just be something else. An "hour for coffee" then would be not long enough...

sounds like a little growing up needs to be done...let the man study.

loriangel14, RN · Mar 14, 2015

Don't you want him to do what he needs to do to be successful? He is working hard to make a better future. Be supportive.

imenid37 · Mar 14, 2015

Nursing school can be an all encompassing lifestyle of "enslavement." It sounds like he needs to compromise a little and so do you. Maybe he can promise to come home most of the time after clinicals and do the library after classes. Can he quit the weekend job? That would open up some time. In his defense, he is taking it seriously and giving it his all. How awful would it be to flunk out and still have all of the loans to pay back? You are very nice to make his lunch. Leave him a sweet or sexy note or a picture made by the kids in his lunch. Maybe it will be a little reminder of what he is really doing all of this for. The idea of quizzing him is great. That could be a huge help for him. I went to nursing school right out of high school and felt like it was all consuming. Schools are different and so are people. You have a "date" when all of this will end. Mark off on a calendar how many days left for both of you. Maybe try to network with other families in the class. It might help to see as a spouse that you are not alone in feeling neglected. Good luck. This is a hard time in your family life, but I doubt it will be the last. You can get through it. There may come a time when you will want or need to lean on him.

drg1984 · Mar 14, 2015

100% agree! If it's only been one month she is completely overreacting.

The OP comes off as very unreasonable/demanding.

Don't you want him to do what he needs to do to be successful? He is working hard to make a better future. Be supportive.

Theotherone · Mar 14, 2015

I disagree because yesterday he stayed home and i made sure nobody bothered him. He got 3 hours straight of studying with no interruptions. He actually seemed happy when he finished and told me to make us a cup of tea after worth. He took a brake, we drank some tea and watched a 1/2 Tv show together. It was pretty nice. So it is possible.

bluegeegoo2, LPN · Mar 14, 2015

Ok. Here it goes: I spent every possible waking moment studying in nursing school. Why? Because I was TERRIFIED of failing. I put a lot of pressure on myself because I recognized that by making sure I graduated, I could get a decent paying job and provide a better life for my family. The thought of failing and remaining in the lower income bracket was unbearable. Therefore, I dove into school with everything I had to give me and my family the best shot at a better future.

I had a husband and 4 children who only saw me when I was covered in books/handouts and looking like Bill the Cat. Had my husband attempted to pull me out of my studies and spend time with him, it would not have gone well. I HAD TO PASS. In other words, in my mind EVERYTHING RODE ON ME EITHER PASSING OR FAILING and I could not allow anything to distract me from making it though. (Obviously there was some strong psychological issues at play here as well, but I'm feeling much better these days. :))

Fear is a very powerful motivator in my experience. Maybe your husband feels the same way. I suggest you talk to him and see where he is with this process. We're hearing your side, but don't know his. As they say, there's always two sides to the story.

Theotherone · Mar 14, 2015

Thank you imenid, i did suggest the networking with the other members of his class but he refused, got upset and told me not to bother them :unsure: That was one of our arguments. All i want to do is get a better understanding of what this program is all about and i thought by knowing other class members family we could go through this journey together, like our own support group.