I am the wife of a male student nurse and having trouble coping.

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Hello, I am the wife of a male student Nurse. He is about to finish his first month of school and we have had about 2 to 3 arguments since he started. We have been married 7 yrs and we had never argued like we argue now. I know that it is a demanding program, but my question is, does he have to spend every moment studying and not make time for me and our 2 children? I tell him to give us at least a couple of hours a week of his time but he refuses and rather be at the library or at school. I don't think I ask for much. I have been supportive and understanding but i do get frustrated and upset because I feel he has neglected us. And I don't know if i can go 2 yrs without a date night or a family night. Has anyone else gone through this? And what did they do to get through it? Thank you.

OP, pre reqs? What are you going to school for? I may have missed this, sorry.

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Thank you vintage mother ^_^

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Specializes in ICU, LTACH, Internal Medicine.

OP, come over for a cup of tea, and we will talk. :)

OK, I'll bring some cookies:)

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Specializes in CVICU.
Nobody is trying to make nobody look bad, don't make this a negative thing. I am here seeking help on how to cope and hear others experience. The truth may sound bad but it's only the truth. Not wanting to make anyone look bad. I love my husband very much and respect him a lot. I am being supportive like they told me to be at the orientation. They also told him to not neglect his support team and family, so i am doing my part. I just want him to do his. But with all the great positive comments i have read, i am getting a better idea of what this program requires. So we will have to wait till he gets his routine settled to be able to set some family dates.

So he works part-time or he does "nothing" but go to school. I was only asking for the "truth". Poor guy is not here to defend himself. i feel like i need to speak up for him.

I have gotten relationship advice from several people over my 21 years with my wife. As most all of the people giving advice either have bad relationships or are divorced. While my wife remains my best friend.

My advice stop asking for advice. There is no right answer.

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Does your husband have spring break coming up soon? Talk to him, find out what is going on, ask how you can help. I'm not bashing you, I'm trying to look at the situation from both sides, my own experience, and from my students experiences. Like I said before, nursing school is very intense, and he might not be aware on a cognitive level that he is "neglecting you and the children." He is probably looking at it as he is trying to do well in school so that all of you are proud of him when he graduates. I know each time I was in school, I had to find that compromise between studying, friends, family, work, and then boyfriend...now husband. Everytime I tell my husband I'm thinking about going back for my Phd, he rolls his eyes and says....Oh God, here we go again...am I going to see you at all? How long will this take this time? Am I going to have any place to sit down in the house with all of the books you will have? How crazy are you going to be this time?" I know it is said with love and that I have drove him crazy with all of the studying that I had to do, and I felt really really really bad that I couldn't spend much time with him...and yes, I neglected him freq during all three school times, and spent a lot of time with classmates to get the work done on time, pass the classes/quizzes/exams/clinicals...because it doesn't get any easier each time I go back to school, for me or him.:down:

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I just started my classes. He wants me to be a nurse to but I don't want to. So we are still debating on what my major will be. For now i am going for nursing but that will change.

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and i meant he does nothing from Monday through Friday. He only goes to school and studies. He has a part time job on Sat. and Sun. That's all. Not trying to make him look bad, just saying the truth.

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wish you the best dede ^_^

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Specializes in Primary Care, Progressive Care.
one thing is being subservient, and one thing is being understanding. Like I said before me and my husband have been married 7 years :) happily married. We have never insulted each other or disrespected each other. We have always been capable of sitting down and talking through our differences. We have always made compromises that made both of us happy. Maybe that's why we have been together so long ^_^. But since he started this program, well let me rephrase that, since we started this program, he has had a short fuse, been distance and refuses to sit and talk. So it's a big change at least for me. He wants no part of us but his studies.

SO there you go... you know there was a reason why he changed his lifestyle (or whatever you call it). The last 7 years were amazing until he went to nursing school. I'm sorry but being a military wife, I don't think this is odd. I agree you have to communicate and compromise but at the same time you also have to understand. You have to be patient... patience is a virtue. Like i said, this is not permanent. He is attending school to become a better provider... for you and his child. I personally think that if I was busy with school and my spouse is making it more complicated for me, I would probably lose it. I don't have any contact with any of his friends or co-workers but that doesn't bother me since I know my husband pretty well.

The bottom line is that nursing school is hard. Would you be ok if he stopped and not pursue his dreams to make you happy? Some men are not good at multitasking even if they say they are... like my husband. But i am very sorry you are feeling this way. I hope it gets better for u.

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that's what we in the profession call a "warm fuzzy" enjoy them, they are far and few between. I was told this by one of my LPN nursing instructors. as nurses we are on the receiving end of abuse from patients, families, visitors, dr's, management, and administration...so when we get a thank you, good job, break from studying for 1/2 hr, "got that information this time when I looked at it" it is considered a "warm fuzzy"

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Specializes in Primary Care, Progressive Care.
I never said i complain, but shouldn't there be some sort of arrangement so both of us can be happy, that's what they told us at the orientation. When my husband finishes school he wants to go straight to the library which i have no problem with. All I ask is for him to come home first and eat dinner with us then go to the library. Is that complaining? I think that is called compromise, or us wives have no say in the relationship just because he is in a program. All i ask is when he has a day off to go with me for an hour or so to drink a coffee to catch up on all the week we have not seen each other is that complaining? I honestly don't think i ask for much.

I understand where you are coming from and this is a good compromise. However, when i was in nursing school, i don't like going home after school because i lose my motivation to study. Seeing my bed, tv, or cozy couch makes me lazy and tired. So i dont know if your husband feels the same way but this is possible. All I remembered was that I went to school, went to the gym, then went to grab something on the way, then went to the library and spent the rest of the evening there until i am exhausted. I was really struggling while i was in nursing school. I didn't want to repeat any classes.

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AMEN!!!! You put it in a nutshell that the rest of us are trying to say. You are currently going through it, and the rest of us have already gone through it.

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