Hello all! I am new the the forum. I apologize if this is the wrong place to post a topic such as this.
First, some background. Me and my girlfriend are both 20, and we are both full time students in college. She is going into nursing, and I am going for a bachelor in exercise science.
She will be starting the nursing program in January 2016. I have been researching what being a nurse entails, and what it takes to get through nursing school. I've read about how stressful it is, how hard the long, emotionally taxing shifts are, and how time consuming the nursing program is. Before I go any further, let me just say that you guys are amazing. I simply don't believe I would have the strength to do what you guys do. God bless all of you.
Okay, moving on... The reason I came hear is because I want to support her to the absolute best of my abilities. The problem is, I have no understanding of what nursing school is truly like. Sure, I've read a few blog posts about it, but so what? What I would like from you preferably experienced female nurses, is some advice on what I, as her boyfriend, can do to help her get through what sounds like a very hard challenge.
What is it like?
What kind of stresses will she be going through?
What, if anything, can I do to relieve those stresses, even if only a little?
Obviously since I am not in the nursing profession, I lack perspective on what it's truly like. Is there any way I can get a hint of understanding? Of the program, and of nursing in general?
An optional second question: I hear that nursing is an extremely high-stress job. What with the enormous responsibility that comes with essentially holding someone's life in your hands, and the attachment that comes with caring fro your patients. Combined with long hours, large workloads, etc. If it turns out that God has in His plans for us to get married, what can I do to support and help her through these aspects of her career?
This. Everyone's nursing school experience is different because everyone is different. Wait until she starts the program, she how it affects her then ask how you can help her. How was she during her pre-reqs? Did she always study a lot? Did she have to bust her butt to get As? Only she can tell you what she will need.
Agree.
No one can anticipate what they need during nursing school until they are *in* the program itself.
Your best course of action is to be present...sometimes silence from a support person can go far, along with arraigning quality time.
Seriously. Didn't think this thread would turn into one of "those" threads. I dated a guy that sounds like this guy. He went above and beyond and I personally appreciated the gestures. I can completely understand how some women might not like how "above and beyond" this guy is, but keep in mind, he's young, probably a little immature (sorry OP! Most of us are in our twenties), a little rash, seemingly head over heels for his girlfriend, but nothing I find to be sinister.
That being said, take the advice here. Specifically, ask *her* what she would appreciate. If she's the type that needs space, give space, and so on.
I honestly didn't think so either! I thought the advice was pretty good. It literally turned into one of "those threads" out of no where.
I went through nursing school while working fulltime, running a home business, and being a single mother of two kids ages 4 and 6. And yet, I still didn't think it was impossibly hard. She'll be fine. You will too.
Ummmm fyi, I don't think most people could have done that!
I met my boyfriend a month before I started nursing school. He had no idea what he was in for, and neither did I.
I worked full time while I was in nursing school. I hardly had a spare minute for anything. I gave up about an hour of sleep a night because he quickly became my support system and about the only thing that prevented my head from popping off and floating up into the sky like a balloon.
He was understanding. He listened without judging. He was extremely supportive and gave me loads of encouragement. When I screwed something up and felt down, he built my confidence back up. He took all of the stress that I felt in stride and always found a way to make me see that light at the end of the tunnel. He was wonderful.
And still is. We'll be celebrating our four year anniversary in September.
The only other advice I can give is not to force yourself into her life. Please don't make her feel guilty if you guys have Friday night plans and she has to cancel to do care planning or study. She will be very busy with her assignments alone. Not to say she'll have no time, every student is different. You may even be able to help her study of she uses flash cards or even do quiz questions with her. But that depends on her too.
I really think maybe abuse victims should refrain from responding to some threads, because the level of unfair assumption going on here is off the charts. We all have topics we're better staying away from, KWIM?
Red, you know I usually agree with you, but I don't here. I was in an abusive marriage for 15 long years. No physical abuse, but psychological and emotional abuse. He controlled absolutely everything in my life. He treated me like his child and thought he should be the one to fix my problems, which were mainly him. I stated in my post that he may be a great guy and doing this with only the best of intentions but you can't tell that over the internet. When I read this post my red flag monitor went up immediately.
I'm divorced now and I have been dating for the past year. My red flag monitor does not go up on every person I meet. I've met some wonderful men through dating. Some I have remained friends with to this day. But it did go off in this situation and I just wanted him to understand that if he tells his girlfriend that he did this, hers may go off also. That was my only point. I feel that through my experiences in life, I can help other people. If I save one person from having to go what I went through for 15 years, it is worth it to me. I hope that in some way I can mentor people so that they can save themselves from what I went through. I had some people sit down and have talks with me about what they saw from the outside. Those talks helped me make the right decisions.
Absolutely. I find it interesting (and disheartening) that many people here not only assumed the worst, but actually went out of their way to read negative things into my question. This effort even went so far as to ignore the part of my question where I ask, "What, *IF ANYTHING*, can I do to help relieve her stresses?" If I can't do anything to help, why not simply say so?! No arm-chair psychology was necessary. Seems like many of you were "looking for trouble", so to speak.
If I can't do anything to help, why not just say so? Many of you did just that, but many of you felt the need to read... somewhat disturbing things into a completely inert question. This hints at a high level of sub-conscious bitterness. To my eyes, this is a really sad way to approach life. Don't tell me this is just because I'm young- age has nothing to do with it. It isn't a sign of weakness to want to see the best in people, nor is seeking out the worst a sign of maturity or strength.
I don't know! I don't know what her need is, and neither does she! The reason I asked this question here is because SHE ISN'T A NURSING STUDENT YET. I don't have an understanding of nursing school, and neither does she. If she had already been a nursing student when we started our relationship, there would be no need to ask this. Sure, I could just wait until the program starts and then see what happens and what she may or may not need, but the point of this question wasn't to figure out ways that I can force my help into her life. The purpose was to figure out what kind of stresses nursing school imparts so that I can be prepared to help, IF she needs it. I also wanted to know what to expect (generally) as far as her schedule goes so that I don't turn into the cliche clingy smothering boyfriend.
From what I have gathered so far, the best (and indeed, only) thing I can do is be there if she needs me, know that she may not have free time anymore, and not be a pest. These things are perfectly good pieces of advice, and frankly I'm not sure why anything else was said.
Still, thank you, everyone, for your input. There's something to learn from almost every comment posted here.
Fred, I am in no way, shape, or form a bitter person. I have an absolutely wonderful boyfriend right now. I know that if I hadn't of married my ex, I would not have had my awesome son, and the stars would not have aligned for me to meet my soul mate. I am not bitter at all. But I have learned along the way. I learned a lot.
I know when you are twenty, you think you have it all figured out. Your an adult now and the decisions you make are yours. You hold a job and are going to school and all of that. I was there. And I was stubborn and foolish. I realized in my mid-thirties, that in my twenties I didn't know jack about anything. I was learning at that time how to be an adult and function in the world. I moved out when I was 18. So at twenty, twenty-one, I thought I had all of this experience. I had a good job in retail. They paid me well and I moved all over the place for them. My last move was to Indiana from PA. That is when I met my ex-husband.
I got married at twenty-three. I thought I was old at the time. I saw many of my friends getting married and I thought I would end up an old maid if I didn't get married. I ignored the warning signs and thought I was in love. I didn't realize at the time that I hadn't really lived yet. My parents tried to talk to me about getting married young. I worked so much for this company that I didn't have time to make friends and get all the experiences that people should have in their twenties. That is why I was telling you to concentrate on school and live it up. Go and buy a really cool fast car and stuff like that. You have no responsibilities right now. I'm 39 now and finally getting my college degree. When I first separated, I really started living. But I also have lots of responsibility. My son, I was now a homeowner, lots of bills to pay, needing to get money to pay those bills.
I was just trying to give you some words of wisdom from someone who has been there. My little sister got married last year. She was 33. Before settling down she became a physical therapist with her doctorate. She did a traveling physical therapy program where she got to travel all over the country. Mainly California. She was always flying to Vegas or going up the mountains to snowboard and ski. Then she met the main of her dreams in Cali and they moved back to the east coast and got married last year. She is now expecting her first child in August. I'm very proud of her.
My boyfriend now is wonderful. If I have a busy week of tests, he takes my son and plays with him so I can concentrate on studying. If I have a particularly stressful day, he listens to me vent, agrees with me, and lets my lay my head on chest. And that is really all I need from him. But I also make time for him. My books are put away by 9pm every night. I put my son to bed and then that is our time. If she thinks you are "the one" she will make the time for you. The only time I went without seeing my boyfriend was at the end of the semester. I had finals and a huge care plan with concept maps due all the same week. I think I went without seeing him for 10 days. He said it was fine, he didn't want to mess up my schooling and we would make it through. Just be supportive and don't try to fix anything for her.
"If he tells his girlfriend he did this, hers may go off too."
Tell her that I did what, exactly? Stumble across a forum dedicated to nursing and think "hmm, maybe I can learn something about my partner's life choice from these people"?
Little did I know that asking people on a forum for tips about their life experiences was a taboo act. Apparently a simple question like "what is nursing school like?" is one only a narcissist would think to ask.
Seriously, you guys are taking this question WAY too seriously. Fine, perhaps I could have worded it better or more simply or something, but that does not justify this kind of response from people. It's a little disturbing, and a very offputting representation of this forum's community. Then again... I'm not sure what I was expecting. This IS the internet, after all.
Thank you for all the advice from everyone. I think I've gahered all I can here. The final lesson was to never, under any circumstance, visit an online forum ever again.
I'm not sure why your simple question became a source of dissection for ulterior motives. You are both still young and will encounter many bumps along the way, especially in college. You will both learn along the way, and what works for us in school to maintain a good standing relationship, such as date nights or studying together, may not necessarily be what she needs. Listen to each other and take in account that school should be both of your guys' first priority.
Thank you roser!!! And only four posts in, you're awesome. Since I am an outspoken opponent of accounts like this, you pretty much said everything that I would, so woot to you =)
Searching out this forum and creating an account seems (to me) to tilt you toward the "worst" category. In my experience, you have made an extraordinary effort to insert yourself into your girlfriend's educational experience. A place where, quite frankly, you do not belong.
My advice to you if you are of the best of intentions, is to back off. Let your girlfriend experience nursing school. Let her tell you what she needs from you. Do not smother her. Do not monitor her every emotion & action. She and she alone will experience nursing school and clinicals. You have no business being in her business, unless your plan is to smother/control her.
Your job, at this time, is to pursue your own goals in exercise science. You do your thing and she will do hers. You as a couple will meet in the middle as equals.
You're 20. Enjoy your college years. Let your GF enjoy hers. Support without smothering, just like any other healthy relationship.
"If he tells his girlfriend he did this, hers may go off too."
Tell her that I did what, exactly? Stumble across a forum dedicated to nursing and think "hmm, maybe I can learn something about my partner's life choice from these people"?
Little did I know that asking people on a forum for tips about their life experiences was a taboo act. Apparently a simple question like "what is nursing school like?" is one only a narcissist would think to ask.
Seriously, you guys are taking this question WAY too seriously. Fine, perhaps I could have worded it better or more simply or something, but that does not justify this kind of response from people. It's a little disturbing, and a very offputting representation of this forum's community. Then again... I'm not sure what I was expecting. This IS the internet, after all.
Thank you for all the advice from everyone. I think I've gahered all I can here. The final lesson was to never, under any circumstance, visit an online forum ever again.
Nursing school is not that bad. When I read threads like the OP, I feel like people have a really skewed idea of what it entails. It's nursing school, not an MD residency. Yeah, she'll be busy, but not *that* busy. Just buy her dinner once a week, and understand when she has to study for a test.
And clean the bathroom and wash the towels and sheets so she NEVER has to. That's worth its weight in gold right there.
LadyFree28, BSN, LPN, RN
8,429 Posts
Agree.
No one can anticipate what they need during nursing school until they are *in* the program itself.
Your best course of action is to be present...sometimes silence from a support person can go far, along with arraigning quality time.