I Want To Support My Pre-Nursing Student Girlfriend. Please Help!

[Fredled]

Hello all! I am new the the forum. I apologize if this is the wrong place to post a topic such as this.

First, some background. Me and my girlfriend are both 20, and we are both full time students in college. She is going into nursing, and I am going for a bachelor in exercise science.

She will be starting the nursing program in January 2016. I have been researching what being a nurse entails, and what it takes to get through nursing school. I've read about how stressful it is, how hard the long, emotionally taxing shifts are, and how time consuming the nursing program is. Before I go any further, let me just say that you guys are amazing. I simply don't believe I would have the strength to do what you guys do. God bless all of you.

Okay, moving on... The reason I came hear is because I want to support her to the absolute best of my abilities. The problem is, I have no understanding of what nursing school is truly like. Sure, I've read a few blog posts about it, but so what? What I would like from you preferably experienced female nurses, is some advice on what I, as her boyfriend, can do to help her get through what sounds like a very hard challenge.

What is it like?

What kind of stresses will she be going through?

What, if anything, can I do to relieve those stresses, even if only a little?

Obviously since I am not in the nursing profession, I lack perspective on what it's truly like. Is there any way I can get a hint of understanding? Of the program, and of nursing in general?

An optional second question: I hear that nursing is an extremely high-stress job. What with the enormous responsibility that comes with essentially holding someone's life in your hands, and the attachment that comes with caring fro your patients. Combined with long hours, large workloads, etc. If it turns out that God has in His plans for us to get married, what can I do to support and help her through these aspects of her career?

Thank you all for your time!

[spearsfm]

wow..

[Red Kryptonite]

I really think maybe abuse victims should refrain from responding to some threads, because the level of unfair assumption going on here is off the charts. We all have topics we're better staying away from, KWIM?

[Dogen]

Of course you're going to get suppositions. And assumptions and best guesses and all manner of inaccuracies. How much does anyone know about you from a single post?

So your shocked indignation is just another clue to the creepy feel about this relationship.

I don't know. If I joined a forum - even if I were really, really nice, which I'm not - and the first thing I heard was how creepy everyone thought I was I'd probably tell them to go jump in a lake, too. Being defensive when people attack your character seems... pretty normal. Dude's 20. When I was 20 I was also trying to figure out what it meant to be a good partner, where boundaries are, what it means to be supportive. It's not like you're born knowing that. You learn some of it from your parents, and the rest you learn or refine... in your 20s.

Anyway, I'm a big fan of asking people what they want or need. Any relationship needs attention, so try to fit in a date night now and then, just know that midterms and finals may cause her to disappear. Let her test taking your blood pressure and listening to your heart and lungs. That way you get to see little bits of what she's learning and you get to be helpful. Later, offer to let her put a foley in you. Don't worry about what that is, just know that few boyfriends would be so thoughtful as to offer.

[Mavrick, BSN, RN]

........ what it means to be supportive. It's not like you're born knowing that. You learn some of it from your parents, and the rest you learn or refine....

OP can consider this a learning experience then.

[roser13, ASN, RN]

I really think maybe abuse victims should refrain from responding to some threads, because the level of unfair assumption going on here is off the charts. We all have topics we're better staying away from, KWIM?

I have never been abused. I come by my very healthy skepticism from AN.com experience.

[frenchtoastwaffles, BSN, RN]

Can we agree that the take home for this thread is:

•Help only if she asks for it

•reflect on how your action might make her feel

Is your desire to help more important to you than her need for it?

Sent from my iPhone using allnurses

[Fredled]

Can we agree that the take home for this thread is:

•Help only if she asks for it

Absolutely. I find it interesting (and disheartening) that many people here not only assumed the worst, but actually went out of their way to read negative things into my question. This effort even went so far as to ignore the part of my question where I ask, "What, *IF ANYTHING*, can I do to help relieve her stresses?" If I can't do anything to help, why not simply say so?! No arm-chair psychology was necessary. Seems like many of you were "looking for trouble", so to speak.

If I can't do anything to help, why not just say so? Many of you did just that, but many of you felt the need to read... somewhat disturbing things into a completely inert question. This hints at a high level of sub-conscious bitterness. To my eyes, this is a really sad way to approach life. Don't tell me this is just because I'm young- age has nothing to do with it. It isn't a sign of weakness to want to see the best in people, nor is seeking out the worst a sign of maturity or strength.

•reflect on how your action might make her feel

Is your desire to help more important to you than her need for it?

I don't know! I don't know what her need is, and neither does she! The reason I asked this question here is because SHE ISN'T A NURSING STUDENT YET. I don't have an understanding of nursing school, and neither does she. If she had already been a nursing student when we started our relationship, there would be no need to ask this. Sure, I could just wait until the program starts and then see what happens and what she may or may not need, but the point of this question wasn't to figure out ways that I can force my help into her life. The purpose was to figure out what kind of stresses nursing school imparts so that I can be prepared to help, IF she needs it. I also wanted to know what to expect (generally) as far as her schedule goes so that I don't turn into the cliche clingy smothering boyfriend.

From what I have gathered so far, the best (and indeed, only) thing I can do is be there if she needs me, know that she may not have free time anymore, and not be a pest. These things are perfectly good pieces of advice, and frankly I'm not sure why anything else was said.

Still, thank you, everyone, for your input. There's something to learn from almost every comment posted here.

[noelly10]

Popcorn, anyone?

[Purple_roses]

Popcorn, anyone?

Seriously. Didn't think this thread would turn into one of "those" threads. I dated a guy that sounds like this guy. He went above and beyond and I personally appreciated the gestures. I can completely understand how some women might not like how "above and beyond" this guy is, but keep in mind, he's young, probably a little immature (sorry OP! Most of us are in our twenties), a little rash, seemingly head over heels for his girlfriend, but nothing I find to be sinister.

That being said, take the advice here. Specifically, ask *her* what she would appreciate. If she's the type that needs space, give space, and so on.

[Purple_roses]

Dogen! The foley advice!! ROFL

[OrganizedChaos, LVN]

That being said, take the advice here. Specifically, ask *her* what she would appreciate. If she's the type that needs space, give space, and so on.

This. Everyone's nursing school experience is different because everyone is different. Wait until she starts the program, she how it affects her then ask how you can help her. How was she during her pre-reqs? Did she always study a lot? Did she have to bust her butt to get As? Only she can tell you what she will need.

[frenchtoastwaffles, BSN, RN]

Fredled, I don't think anyone meant to judge you directly or assume you're awful- your inquiry may have just brought up a bad taste in some people's mouths due to their own experiences with someone that you remind them of.

Again, your post could be perceived in many different ways- from the best to the worst. Like I said in my first reply, just be understanding of the commitment she'll be making. It's the best thing you can do for her.

Sent from my iPhone using allnurses