I Want To Support My Pre-Nursing Student Girlfriend. Please Help!

[Fredled]

Hello all! I am new the the forum. I apologize if this is the wrong place to post a topic such as this.

First, some background. Me and my girlfriend are both 20, and we are both full time students in college. She is going into nursing, and I am going for a bachelor in exercise science.

She will be starting the nursing program in January 2016. I have been researching what being a nurse entails, and what it takes to get through nursing school. I've read about how stressful it is, how hard the long, emotionally taxing shifts are, and how time consuming the nursing program is. Before I go any further, let me just say that you guys are amazing. I simply don't believe I would have the strength to do what you guys do. God bless all of you.

Okay, moving on... The reason I came hear is because I want to support her to the absolute best of my abilities. The problem is, I have no understanding of what nursing school is truly like. Sure, I've read a few blog posts about it, but so what? What I would like from you preferably experienced female nurses, is some advice on what I, as her boyfriend, can do to help her get through what sounds like a very hard challenge.

What is it like?

What kind of stresses will she be going through?

What, if anything, can I do to relieve those stresses, even if only a little?

Obviously since I am not in the nursing profession, I lack perspective on what it's truly like. Is there any way I can get a hint of understanding? Of the program, and of nursing in general?

An optional second question: I hear that nursing is an extremely high-stress job. What with the enormous responsibility that comes with essentially holding someone's life in your hands, and the attachment that comes with caring fro your patients. Combined with long hours, large workloads, etc. If it turns out that God has in His plans for us to get married, what can I do to support and help her through these aspects of her career?

Thank you all for your time!

[cracklingkraken, ASN, RN]

Some people maintain FT jobs while in nursing school while others can't seem to make passing grades even though they spend every spare moment studying. It really depends on the abilities of the individual.

[Fredled]

All you can do is be understanding that school is her priority & not act as a distraction.

And that is some darn' good, actionable advice. Thanks :)

If the best/only thing I can do to help her through it is to simply not be a pest (as it's looking to be), that's perfectly fine. I'm not trying to force my help on her.

[NurseGirl525, ASN, RN]

I have got to agree with roser here. And also with Klone. I also speak from experience. You are 20. I am 39, on the other hand and have had quite a little more experience. After being in certain situations in life, you learn to look for the red flags. And you may be a perfectly normal guy, but we don't know that over the Internet.

Again, I am going to reiterate, you are twenty years old. Do not even contemplate marriage. Spend your twenties learning who you are. You both will change tremendously over the years. I promise you, the person you are now is not the person you will be in 5 years, and that person will change again over the next 5 years. The same will happen with her. Enjoy your freedom, live your life, get your degree. Make mistakes. Learn from those mistakes. Buy a car, buy your first house. I'm telling you live your life!! Then worry about finding the one.

Is nursing school stressful? Sometimes. Do you have to study? Yes. But is it an all consuming, crying, stress-fest? No. I balance school, maintaining my home, running the household, make time for my son, and make time for my boyfriend. My life is busy and I often crave a day of me, some icecream, and nothing but Netflix for an entire day. That day will come. I'm sure my lazy day will come soon enough.

[klone, MSN, RN]

I went through nursing school while working fulltime, running a home business, and being a single mother of two kids ages 4 and 6. And yet, I still didn't think it was impossibly hard. She'll be fine. You will too.

[RShieldsSN14]

Okay. I'm not exactly sure where and when some of you went through nursing school, but I'm approaching my last semester and it has taken up every breathing moment of my time. I Don't have time to hang out with friends, don't visit my family nearly as often as I did during my pre-nursing years, and every attempt at having a relationship has always went up in flames due to the demands of nursing school. I WISH I had someone like you to research and at least TRY to understand what lies ahead. Everyone isn't always supportive-due to lack of understanding. My best advice is to make her life less stressful as you can but be sure to make time for each other-even if it's just a dinner date on the weekends or the occasionally movie night. Yes, she will bombard you when all things nursing because it's a new world....LITERALLY! I commend you for speaking up and reaching out, and I wish you the guys the best! Be sure to keep us updated! 😊

[Oceanpacific]

Hopefully you mean well, but I think it is weird that you would join this site to ask questions about what your girlfriend's nursing school experience will be like. Its blurring roles a bit I think. She'll be successful at it (or not) on her own merits.

[frenchtoastwaffles, BSN, RN]

I work full time and go to school at night. I have a boyfriend and he is completely separate from my professional life and I LOVE that. I agree with what one of the PP said in that it can seem manipulative or clingy to insert yourself into her life where you don't belong. While it's nice in theory that you'd take the time to try to understand, you are quite young and who's to say where the two of you will find yourselves in 6 months, a year, 5 years. How would you feel if your girlfriend did what you are doing on her behalf? I do think it could be very nice of you to want to help, but you may be crossing a line. Anyway, we all handle nursing school differently. Your girlfriend may have some extra time for you, she may not. Regardless, it's her experience and it's best for you to remain separate from that. Why? For me, my SO has nothing to do with the stress and demand of my work or education. He supports me by understanding the time I need to put into both. He listens if I need to vent. He voices his opinion when I need his words, criticism, or support.

He plays a passive role in MY education, and I love him so much more for that.

It's very sweet of you to want to help her, but she needs to have this experience for herself.

Sent from my iPhone using allnurses

[TheCommuter, BSN, RN]

Hello all! I am new the the forum. I apologize if this is the wrong place to post a topic such as this.

Post has been moved to the Pre-nursing Student forum. Good luck to you and your girlfriend!

[noelly10]

I feel like if my boyfriend did this...it would make me upset. My thought would be "you would rather hear other peoples experiences than mine?" Or something like "you would rather them tell you how you can help me versus asking me how you can help me?"

Just saying.

[frenchtoastwaffles, BSN, RN]

I feel like if my boyfriend did this...it would make me upset. My thought would be "you would rather hear other peoples experiences than mine?" Or something like "you would rather them tell you how you can help me versus asking me how you can help me?"

Just saying.

Agreed. The first time I read this I read it at face value. Then I thought about how I would feel if my boyfriend took this route to help me through school. The questions you're asking, OP, might be appropriate if you were considering nursing school for yourself. If you want to know about your girlfriend's experience in school, then you should be having that conversation with her if 1) she feels the need to divulge all of that to you and 2) you two are still together. Give her a little space, it's hard to grow together when you have nothing to talk about at the end of the day

Sent from my iPhone using allnurses

[Mavrick, BSN, RN]

As for your various pre-suppositions about my character and motives, I will not dignify them with a response.

Of course you're going to get suppositions. And assumptions and best guesses and all manner of inaccuracies. How much does anyone know about you from a single post?

So your shocked indignation is just another clue to the creepy feel about this relationship.

roser13 "you have made an extraordinary effort to insert yourself into your girlfriend's educational experience. A place where, quite frankly, you do not belong" nailed it. Your "support" sounds like control.

Is it OK with you if she goes somewhere else for support?

[NICU Guy, BSN, RN]

I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt and go with the assumption that you only have the best intentions of this situation. From a guy's perspective going through nursing school and having a supportive girlfriend: You need to focus on your degree and let her deal with her degree. Make it very clear that if she needs help, then she needs to ask. I am sure you care about her, but do not take the initiative to help her. Otherwise, you will do what you need to do and let her do what she needs to do. The best thing you can do is to remove any guilt from her that she is not spending enough with you. School is by far number one priority and you are a distant second. She doesn't need to spend time worrying about your relationship. Once school starts, compare schedules and figure out a time that works for both of you to get dinner/rent a movie/ vent about school. She will probably be spending a lot of time with classmates, because it is far easier to study and talk to people that are going through the same program, then having to explain everything to you.

My best advice to you is to be the "OnStar" button in a car. You only push the button when you need help, otherwise it doesn't intrude into your driving. Be there if she needs help or a shoulder to cry on, otherwise focus on your schoolwork.