Today I went to open my emails, and was surprised to actually receive an email that one instructor accidently sent to me, that was meant for my other instructor that was written about me. I am really affended and insulted. Please read and advise what you would do in this situation.
This is the email that came to me.........................
To instructor so and so,
The Jane Doe saga starts already. She is very upset that she has not received her package yet, although she hadn't given her new address to you, or the secretary. Look at her reply below and it will already make you start thinking we ave a long year ahead of us!!!
Happy Times!!!
Instructor so and so:)
Ps
I did tell my one instructor my new adress. Instead of her jumping to conclusions shouldn't she have verified this?
This is the message that I sent to her, I am assuming that perhaps I did not make it for the second year, as I don't understand why it is taking so long to know anything. Thanks for everything
Take care
Jane Doe
I inquired when I was going to be doing my practicum days for evenings, because all my classmates knew 2 weeks before myself. I feel that she being my instructor for the practicum would know whether or not I was going to be doing it days or evenings. Don't I have the right to ask such questions.
I fear because she has judged me unfairly that it will have a impact on how well I do for the rest of the time at school. It seems as though she has labelled me and I am thinking that she is going to give me a hard time the rest of the year that we have.
Please advise me.
The reason I was feeling anxiety is because it seemed like everything seemed to be like a big run around for me, why would she judge me so harshly and not even know me? She taught us one class in 3 months time. And if she only took the time to know me she would know that I am a quiet sensitive person that sticks to herself and does not like to cause problems for anyone.
do you all think it is necessary for me to follow up with a list of specific behaviors and a plan for each of them, as my instructor instructed?
The above posters have already given good advices and explanations as well. I couldn't agree with them more. Think of the request of the professor as a time for yourself to reflect and not really an "assignment". Do it because you want to and and not because someone else want you to do it. You, in the end, should be the one benefiting from this so-called assignment as any other tasks or assignments are. Professors/Teachers are just there to guide you and not really to command you to do things just because they can or just to do you harm. Your professor may be seeing other things that you can't see about the situation or yourself for now and that is why maybe she is trying to help you reflect and maybe you will see what she trying to tell you.
If you can, when you meet her, try to be as open-minded and optimistic as you can. This may help in a more productive face to face discussion. Also, you may try to expect the worst but hope for the best and not to over analyze things. Think of this a mere preparation for you - as far as I know it gets harder out there when you start to practice. You'll meet all sorts and types of people and they can really test all the patience and tolerance you'll ever have. :icon_hug:
Here are my thoughts...... take what you can use, and ignore the rest.
The way I see it I am a nursing student in a nursing program with very few spots that are very hard to get into. There are a lot of other qualified, smart, students who would gladly take my spot. I am sure that your situation is similar.
That being said...your goal is to learn everything you can about nursing, make good grades, and graduate. Thats it!!!!!! It doesn't matter who likes you, and who doesn't. When the program is over you will more than likely never assicociate with these people again. You need to put your nose in a book, your pencil to the paper, listen, do the work, and go home.
I have asked my instructors tons of questions, and never had them react like this. Were you repeatedly asking after they told you they would get back to you? There has to be more to the story.
Regardless... from what was said in the email the instructor felt you behaved in some way that she didn't like. In this situation you have to remember your 3 main goals....to learn all you can about nursing, to make good grades and to graduate. This is your instructor and unless she tells you to hurt yourself or others or tries to fail you I would try to make her happy. If said "jump" I would say "How High". I would say "Yes mam" and "No mam", and remember being right, justified, or winning the battle isn't one of your goals. It's all for a very short time in the big scheme of things so just go with the flow.
In addition, as another poster pointed out I wouldn't have brought up your husband. A big thing I see repeated over and over is teachability, and accountability. When you make a mistake they do not want to hear how it's someone elses fault, or beyond your control. They want you to say "I made a mistake, and take full responsibility, and these are the steps I am taking to make sure that it never happens again." Anything else you could add just comes off as an excuse. If you do not know what mistake you made tell them you need them to clarifiy it for you so you can learn from it, and then repeat the above.
As far as you not doing the assignment that she handed out....ARE YOU CRAZY?
I think she is basically saying "Hey here's a problem, and we need to make a plan on how it can be corrected". She is willing to help you, and to give you an CHANCE to show the instructors that you can overcome or correct the problem. If you REFUSE to work with her then
I would think there could be serious consequences. It would be the same as if your boss came to you at work, and told you that you were not doing the job right. He then asks you to make a list of ways you could improve, and you refuse...what do you think would happen?
Specializes in Critical Care; Cardiac; Professional Development.
I agree with CoolPeach. I would also add that it is likely this is their form of making up to you having said something ugly about you in the original email. It sounds like you have quite a reputation among the instructors. Now that you have found out they feel that way about you, their way of explanation is likely to "give it to you straight". Whatever the meeting is about, you are going to learn some things about yourself that will probably hurt and probably be hard to change but that need to in order for you to succeed in school and very likely to succeed in life. This is where growth happens. Growth and change are hard. But your emails really were over the top reactive and it sounds like the original email sent was due to things you have done in school in the last term. You are being given a chance to look into a mirror and see yourself as your new career is going to see you. That is valuable. No way should you skip or blow any part of this off in my opinion. It will speak volumes to them about how serious you are.
Here is the reply that I have recieved from one of my instructors not the instructor that sent me the email but whom the email was intended for..........................
thank you for your apology.
the college is changing your HC mark on website from a 54% to a 70%. THere was
mark entry error on their end.I could see how you would be confused as you
were informed you passed but the mark noted other. This change may take a
while- you might want to check to see it has been changed. I would give it
at least a month.
At times your anxiety causes your reaction not to match the events.I am
not speaking of the dialogue between instructor so and so and yourself.
Be careful to stop thoughts before they become actions.You are in control
of your thoughts. Stop them in their tracks as they will spiral out of
control and affect relationships.
I would like to meet with you on your return to discuss. Please bring a
list of ideas you have for this year, that will address the above. Write
about SPECIFIC Behaviors to work on and a plan for each.
Thank-you,
My question is, is this instructor wanting me to do this so she can have me so that the other instuctors fault looks like I was the one that brought all this on?
what should I do?
What she is suggesting my friend is that you blow things WAY OUT OF PROPORTION. In your the modern day vernacular, you are a 'drama queen'. She is suggesting that you evaluate your anxiety level and do something about it.
You may be quiet on a day-to-day basis, but how do you react when a problem arrives? If you cannot deal with something like not receiving a practicum schedule without TALKING (note I said 'talking', not 'emailing') to someone, then how will you handle emergent patient symptoms that require you to keep your head and communicate effectively with others?
REMEMBER...You don't get to back away fast and yell for the nurse...YOU ARE THE NURSE!
I have stopped emailing. I won't email any more. I am just scared that maybe she wants me to write down such things so that it dismisses the other instructors mistake and make me look like in the wrong.
You should have quit emailing after your first angry reaction. I am sorry that you did not.
Your professor's goal is NOT TO EXONERATE the other instructors. Her goal is to get you to think about your actions. If you really want to be a nurse, then you have to understand that you must be capable of JUSTIFYING YOUR ACTIONS in a court of law. If you are a nurse, you are open to public scrutiny and your actions must be defendable to protect yourself.
Your instructor wants you to learn how to use CRITICAL THINKING! This is a skill you must have to be a nurse. I know I sound harsh, but this is the ultimate truth--you are starting your second year of a nursing program and in less than 12 months, you will be a nurse. This is not a 'homework' assignment; your instructor is suggesting that you take a good, hard look at yourself and be prepared to discuss some changes that you need to make. Remember, in about 14 months (after 2 months of orientation) you will be responsible for the TOTAL CARE of 4-6 patients depending on you.
Again, I'm not trying to be harsh. Will you be ready? I think your instructor would like to help you be ready.
The instructor who sent the email behaved in an unprofessional and rather immature manner. However, it must be said that in the workplace you will encounter this on a regular basis. You will encounter angry patients and families who will vent on the first available person, physicians and other nurses who are tired, stressed, and cranky, and even people who are just plain mean and unhappy.
You have to take everything in context. One instance of bad behavior is just that....the way someone behaved on one occasion. It doesn't excuse it, but we all do really stupid things from time to time. Try to view the person's behavior in light of how they typically act. Is this usual or unusual for them?
Again, it is not acceptable to treat a student that way, but your anxiety level may be fueling her response. Try to find another outlet for the stress that nursing school generates. Work out, go do something fun, volunteer at a homeless shelter....just get your mind off of things for awhile. I think sometimes nursing school causes students to concentrate so intently on success and graduation to the exclusion of everything else.
It must have been very painful to read that. I can relate. As an instructor, it is very painful sometimes for me to read the occasional student comment that is not positive, but I choose to use it as an opportunity to improve, and I try to remember there will always be people who won't like me :) It sounds as if the 2nd instructor may genuinely want to help you. I would at least talk to her.
I would not have either.....But i would have printed it and taked the email to the instructor personally and told her face to face that i was sorry that she felt that way, she then could have explained the email
Life is neither fair nor easy. If they will allow you to act like nothing happened, then just learn and move on. I love many, but not all. You will be loved by many, but not all. You did draw a great and amazing life lesson, carefully consider replies. You will accept yourself for who you are, others will not. Another life lesson, if they say it about you, they have said it of others. They may treat everyone that way.:twocents:
Tiffany, I think that you should do what the professor ask of you, I also think that when you are writing down the answers to the questions that she told you, you should reflect on each answer that you write down. I also think everyone that has read your thread should also learn from what happens sometimes when you let your emotions run away.....
Honey, slow down. Slow way down. Just hold still for a little while. I can feel you vibrating from waaaaay over here.
You have a great opportunity here to learn some important skills before you start your career as a nurse. You will rarely have a chance to address this kind of situation. Most of the time, a superior upon whom you've made a bad impression will just keep judgments to him/herself and you'll never know why you're being passed over for opportunities.
You have a chance to get coaching on how to handle yourself in a way that will make a more favorable impression on people who will matter to you in your life.
This is GOLDEN. People pay BIG MONEY for this kind of coaching. And even if you decide the counseling she offers is unfair and unnecessary, you will get to practice handling uncomfortable situations with grace and dignity. Uncomfortable situations WILL arise in your career and you will not show mature grace by focusing on whether they are fair or not.
I will not try to stroke your ego and say what you would like to hear. I am going to say what needs to be said.
Ask yourself, have you put your foot in the mouth at any time before this? Does it happen more frequently than you would like?
Nursing school is very stressful and so is nursing. The first thing you need to learn is to function under stress. Learn to talk to yourself (aloud). Coach yourself, guide yourself in these situations. Learn to paste a smile. Learn to count to 10, 20, 1000 or whatever it takes you to calm down before a reply. Stay away from email. Mind your own business.
You have landed yourself in a soup. You will need to do damage control. You be the judge, if you need to go to the instructor and ask her what should you do to make your behavior acceptable. Stroke her ego, even apologize. She has her foot on your neck, kiss the toad.
:twocents:
Aelith
613 Posts
The above posters have already given good advices and explanations as well. I couldn't agree with them more. Think of the request of the professor as a time for yourself to reflect and not really an "assignment". Do it because you want to and and not because someone else want you to do it. You, in the end, should be the one benefiting from this so-called assignment as any other tasks or assignments are. Professors/Teachers are just there to guide you and not really to command you to do things just because they can or just to do you harm. Your professor may be seeing other things that you can't see about the situation or yourself for now and that is why maybe she is trying to help you reflect and maybe you will see what she trying to tell you.
If you can, when you meet her, try to be as open-minded and optimistic as you can. This may help in a more productive face to face discussion. Also, you may try to expect the worst but hope for the best and not to over analyze things. Think of this a mere preparation for you - as far as I know it gets harder out there when you start to practice. You'll meet all sorts and types of people and they can really test all the patience and tolerance you'll ever have. :icon_hug:
Hang in there! :)