I need your advice please - Please read

Blessed2BeMommy · Aug 22, 2008

Oh, ouch. Tiffany, I know what it feels like to be on the negative end of somebody else's issues. I had the nursing chair from hell... she didn't like women who had families (thought we all should devote 100% of ourselves to our callings and that women with families didn't belong in nursing)... so my family of 8 (yes, I have six children) annoyed her. I annoyed her further by having one of the highest grades in my class.

But honestly, one thing I learned the hard way is to never, ever communicate anything other than basic facts by email. Meaning, sure email back to someone "Yes, I will meet you on such and such a date at this place"... or "The homework assignment is pages 42-51"... but nothing with any type of emotion whatsoever. It is too easy to misconstrue.

Secondly, if you are going to email your instructors, please use spell check. You are apparently on the bubble academically (combine that with your emotional responses and that is not good) and so simple spelling errors like "affended" (the word is offended) serve only to further limit you in your instructors' eyes. It doesn't have to be right, but it is true.

Third, your instructors don't care about your husband. Mine is dying and began the process during nursing school (he has amyloidosis)... and I can guarantee you, while they cared on a personal level, they were watching to make sure it did not impact my professional self. When you are at clinicals, when you are in class.... you don't have a family, you don't have a past, you don't have anything but the patient you are caring for... that person is the focus, not you. You will feel a great deal more centered if you stop thinking about your own issues and focus solely on your patient's issues. (You will likely get better grades, too.)

If you think this is tough, wait until you hit the real world... people will be nice to your face, cut you down behind your back and torpedo you if they think it will get a reaction. I know some truly nice nurses who are overly emotional and nobody cuts them any slack (well, I do, I like them, but you get my point)... this is a harsh world you are preparing to climb out into and if you think nursing school politics are tough, you haven't seen anything yet.

BSNstudent09 · Aug 22, 2008

We all make mistakes. Keep your focus on your work and aboveall DO NOT talk to other students about it. Just show that you are learning from this and are professional! Have A great year! (maybe Professor so and so had a bad day that day.

drhy · Aug 22, 2008

to dear Jane Doe,

life work full of many situations like that, but this msg you accidentally saw is a cue from god to take care with your colleagues & reevaluate your performance.

my advise for you forget about and go on your work, with more carefullness attitude good luck. :up: :smokin:

Melinurse · Aug 22, 2008

your instructors don't care about your husband. Mine is dying and began the process during nursing school (he has amyloidosis)... and I can guarantee you, while they cared on a personal level, they were watching to make sure it did not impact my professional self. When you are at clinicals, when you are in class.... you don't have a family, you don't have a past, you don't have anything but the patient you are caring for... that person is the focus, not you. You will feel a great deal more centered if you stop thinking about your own issues and focus solely on your patient's issues. (You will likely get better grades, too.)
If you think this is tough, wait until you hit the real world... people will be nice to your face, cut you down behind your back and torpedo you if they think it will get a reaction. I know some truly nice nurses who are overly emotional and nobody cuts them any slack (well, I do, I like them, but you get my point)... this is a harsh world you are preparing to climb out into and if you think nursing school politics are tough, you haven't seen anything yet.

I am sorry to hear about your husband. :sniff: I was kicked out of one nursing school because I missed 2 clinical days. My child is disabled and when sitters don't show up or your child is sick you have to make a choice. I was told that I would never make a good nurse if I did not know how to prioritize. I am a nurse. :nurse: I am glad I prioritized in favor of my child. Kids and family first. I was even able to find another school that was 100% behind me and my family and understood. They even had a way for me to work around my schedule and my families.

Back to the point of this thread, you will have good and nice, helpful instructors some of the time and sometimes you'll have one's that are not so nice or mean or whatever. Point being, focus on yourself during nursing school. Find a way to leave your emotions somewhere else when you are in school or on the job. Just wait till you graduate and have doctors yelling at you. :loveya:

medicrn16 · Aug 23, 2008

Words, whether written or spoken, are like toothpaste. Once out of the mouth (or sent electronically) it can't be taken back no matter how hard you try.

Good luck to you, sweetie. This is a major life lesson for you. Take advantage of every single opportunity to learn from this. You will find yourself a changed person. This is what life is all about.

Blessings

LadysSolo · Aug 23, 2008

May I reply from 2 points of view? First, I understand where the OP is coming from - I overheard my professor asking my preceptor to fail me in my Master's program. My preceptor refused. I never told the professor I overheard her, I just stayed out of her way from then on. My other point of view is that of a clinical instructor (I teach also.) If my students have an issue, I want them to come to me in person. I am pretty laid-back, but I joke around sometimes and can be misunderstood by people with a different sense of humor. I also want them to come to me if I can help them with their coursework. We are humans too, and not so scary!

Aquamarine · Aug 24, 2008

Today I went to open my emails, and was surprised to actually receive an email that one instructor accidently sent to me, that was meant for my other instructor that was written about me. I am really affended and insulted. Please read and advise what you would do in this situation.
This is the email that came to me.........................
To instructor so and so,
The Jane Doe saga starts already. She is very upset that she has not received her package yet, although she hadn't given her new address to you, or the secretary. Look at her reply below and it will already make you start thinking we ave a long year ahead of us!!!
Happy Times!!!
Instructor so and so:)
Ps
I did tell my one instructor my new adress. Instead of her jumping to conclusions shouldn't she have verified this?
This is the message that I sent to her, I am assuming that perhaps I did not make it for the second year, as I don't understand why it is taking so long to know anything. Thanks for everything
Take care
Jane Doe
I inquired when I was going to be doing my practicum days for evenings, because all my classmates knew 2 weeks before myself. I feel that she being my instructor for the practicum would know whether or not I was going to be doing it days or evenings. Don't I have the right to ask such questions.
I fear because she has judged me unfairly that it will have a impact on how well I do for the rest of the time at school. It seems as though she has labelled me and I am thinking that she is going to give me a hard time the rest of the year that we have.
Please advise me.
The reason I was feeling anxiety is because it seemed like everything seemed to be like a big run around for me, why would she judge me so harshly and not even know me? She taught us one class in 3 months time. And if she only took the time to know me she would know that I am a quiet sensitive person that sticks to herself and does not like to cause problems for anyone.
Please I really need your advice
Thank you

I also agree that I would return the email and say, this must have been sent to me in error, thought you might like to know....something so short and sweet.

I would also bring a copy to the student advocacy dept. and this is why. Unfortunately nursing school isn't just about academics. It can be full of politics and very unfair. You are right to assume they have you targeted. going to the student advocacy dept will offer some unspoken protection from that unfairness going to the extreme.

go to the student advocacy dept with a complaint of feeling emotional over this email but bring it and show it to them. Ask them what they think?? Even though you already know what to think, that will bring them in in an advisory way, ask for advice and that puts the ball in their court.

I

had gone to the student advocacy dept. I think I may have been canned if I didn't . My girlfriend got canned with an 88% average for handing in her clinical assignments late...we got them back late! I handed in most of mine later...I graduated with a lower than 88% average...get the picture. I am a RN my friend is a housewife now.

Set the stage, be mature, don't accuse, speak well and politely but do it or you won't make it with instructors with that kind of back stabbing pettiness.

You will rise above this if you make it known...that you know! nothing more than that. And be so nice they don't know what the heck makes you tick.

Right that politics are a part of nursing, but immoral and backstabbing nursing isn't ethical, it is just a matter of disgusting fact. We all will meet our maker someday and have to answer for our behavior. For now take care of your back by protecting it...later, don't become one of the crude backstabbers. Stay moral and ethical and that someday will overcome anything.

Good luck, I will say a prayer for you.:heartbeat

Aquamarine · Aug 24, 2008

May I reply from 2 points of view? First, I understand where the OP is coming from - I overheard my professor asking my preceptor to fail me in my Master's program. My preceptor refused. I never told the professor I overheard her, I just stayed out of her way from then on. My other point of view is that of a clinical instructor (I teach also.) If my students have an issue, I want them to come to me in person. I am pretty laid-back, but I joke around sometimes and can be misunderstood by people with a different sense of humor. I also want them to come to me if I can help them with their coursework. We are humans too, and not so scary!

BabsRN64 · Aug 24, 2008

Tiffany

I am sorry this happened to you. I think like one of the other posters said, iI agree that it would have been smart to stay under the radar and just send a "I don't think this was meant for me" email. I am a nursing instructor and while I absolutely LOVE what I do, it can be frustrating. Think about how you and your fellow students sometimes vent about the program and the teachers....and then take it with a grain of salt. I am not saying it was the professional thing for them to do, but it happens. We are all human and do things that we look back later and say...eww, what was I thinking????

Good Luck in school.