I can't do it all (mom rant)

Nurses General Nursing

Published

Specializes in Neuroscience.

I try to wear many hats as a nurse, as an income provider for my family, and as a mom. I cannot get my son to understand that school is important, I can't get my husband to understand that homework is important, and I can't stop working overtimes in order to catch up our finances.

I am exhausted, mentally and physically, from work, my child's homework, and my husband's inability to assist in these matters. My son has homework that I can't easily help him with and he's only in 5th grade. I literally look at the assignments and have to google what some of this math and English homework is. I have a degree in English!!! He takes Latin in school. I dropped Latin in college because it was too difficult and I can't even with his homework.

He doesn't want to do better, he hates school, and I'm working so much to keep him in the private school he attends. My mother always said you can send a smart kid anywhere. Unfortunately he does not have a natural grasp on learning, and I'm sending him to the private school so he gets the individual instruction that he needs. I don't know how to make him a better student, and I don't know how to accept his poor grades.

I yelled at him all the way to school today, but it was not constructive and did nothing to make him want to do better. I'm deleting fortnite from the xbox, which he only gets to play on the weekends. I don't know if this will hurt or help.

I'm a good nurse. I catch things before they become an issue, I ensure that my patients are safe. I feel like a crappy mom. I am at my wits end with my child, and I don't know what to do. Any advice?

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).
Any advice?

[ATTACH=CONFIG]27523[/ATTACH]

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ED, ICU, MS/MT, PCU, CM, House Sup, Frontline mgr.

OP: Your husband needs to help! However, if hubby cannot step up to the plate there are other options. First, your son is not necessarily getting the individual attention you think he is getting just because he is attending private school. Especially, if his grades are poor or he is struggling. You might want to consider home school (if husband is a stay-at-home dad) and a tutor for more 1:1 attention. Otherwise, a good public school (if you live in a good school district) or a privately run charter public school as well as paying a tutor for the core subjects may help your son too. Just some thoughts ....

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I understand you want to give your son the best education, but what if what he needs is to have you at home more and not stressed to the max. Would you consider a public school, where you don't have to work as much it to afford the private and are able to spend that time to support him instead?

Even just to give yourself a break from working so much OT

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Hugs, being a mom is hard no matter the circumstances. You're probably feeling like a single mom at times which is harder. And then to have a co parent who isn't like minded regarding parenting, hardest of all.

These kids turn out to whom they're meant to be with simply love and support, you can't really force any course or direction on them other than ensuring they have those two vital things. But if you think your son needs more of your time and influence as well as modeling happy life balance, consider public school and cutting back on the hours you work to pay for private school.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in IMCU, Oncology.

So you are overburdening yourself to put your son through private school and with no support. There seems to be a simple solution here. Your son is not excelling there and many people attend public school and become doctor's, nurses, engineers, etc. and excel from a public school education.

It seems like putting your son through public school, while well intended, is causing more issues than necessary. He will feel more confident in himself and gain self esteem when he understands and excels at his work which he would likely do in public school especially after attending private.

I spend a few hours every week helping my son study, he is in public school. Most of the time it is a positive and fun experience. Overall it is our time together!

A kid can be smart and go anywhere whether they are in public or private school. Private school can be reevaluated at a later time too!

As others have said, your son needs you more than he needs a private school education!

You are working so hard to be a good mom! You sound like you love your family and work so hard for them.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in IMC, school nursing.

I can relate, my sons are in private school which my wife and I function as nurses for tuition and we also work full time jobs. We would trade it all tomorrow if their grades weren't stellar. All graduates that go on to public high schools are honors level and normally a grade ahead. We have two more years and feel it is worth it. Maybe your son needs the wake up of going to a public school, after all, his grades are bad, could it really be that much of a risk?

Up Vote Up Vote ×

From what I hear about private school tuition. You could use that money to pay for after school tutoring with some money leftover for you to spend on some self-care for yourself.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ED, psych.

That's a lot of pressure for both you and your son.

The more you yell, the more he may hate school.

As a former teacher and now parent to two high schoolers, I found we place way too much emphasis on grades and success ... when the childs' maturity isn't quite there yet. My son is now 17 and isn't the best student, but he certainly isn't the worst: he's a stellar average, and that's ok. But elementary was rough for him; school just wasn't a priority.

My daughter, on the other hand, is in the honors program in H.S., has always been studious, etc etc. Two very different kids growing up in the same household, same rules, same parenting.

And with the common core etc etc, I've had to google many an assignment ...

My advice? Step back. Don't take away fortnight on the weekends (does he even have homework on the weekend?). Look at the bigger picture: what is he having trouble with? If it's just Latin ... well, that's impressive! If it's everything, ask for a meeting with his teacher ... with you and your hubby.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

A few overly facile words of advice (apologies, that's all I've got):

- It's not clear if your husband is plain not stepping up or if he disagrees with your priorities and either cannot or doesn't want to say so. Consider writing each other letters about this issue so your perspectives can be brought out without a heated argument, or else even some marriage counselling specifically on this issue.

- I suspect most parents think they have far more control over their children than they do. Ultimately, not every aspect of your son's life is your responsibility. It may be OK to let yourself off the hook a bit.

- Fortnite is the devil. Let me know how cutting it off cold turkey goes for you please.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Neuroscience.

I have tears in my eyes from the support in this forum.

He's failing at the best thing I excel at, which is science, with a D+. I don't know what assignments are due or when they are due because he is expected to write them down in his agenda. I just emailed the principal and teacher with a request to meet for a parent teacher/principal conference.

Thank you all for you comments. They will be considered after this conference, and I will figure out what to do. You all are the best, and I can't help but to feel grateful for the comments and advice you've provided.

Motherhood, it's difficult. I hate to feel I've failed my son.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Psych, Addictions, SOL (Student of Life).

Did you know that even if your child attends private school he is entitled to a free assessment from the public school district in which you live. My own son had great difficulty in his early school years up to 5th grade. I had him assessed and he was diagnosed with an auditory processing disorder. An Individual Education Plan (IEP) was developed and he received services from the district even though he did not attend public school. That's what you pay taxes for.

The man cub is now a junior in high school and making a 3.0 GPA because of the supports we were able to get for him. One thing is certain "Yelling at your child all the way to school will not achieve the desired results. "

If you are able to PM and want to know how to request an assessment from the public school district send me a PM.

Oh an give your self a break -

Hppy

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Add a Comment