Actually, I lost all respect for two colleagues today. One is a brand new grad, about 21 or 22 and gorgeous in one of those fresh, "girl next door" ways. She gets her scrubs tailored so they fit her just so, her hair is long, shiny and falls in loose lustrous waves. She could be a model, so we'll call her Heidi. The other is a married neurosurgery fellow, whose wife is pregnant with his first child. We'll call him Dr. Dick, or just Dick.
Heidi didn't do anything to seriously endanger a patient: she didn't slam in Lasix, for example, or trickle in Adenosine. She didn't miss a run of VT (although, to be fair, the Clin Tech noticed it first and pointed it out to Heidi). She didn't ignore post-op pain or bleeding, and she wasn't the one sitting at the computer at the nurse's station, headphones on and watching a hockey game while ignoring monitor alarms and call bells. Nevertheless, I've completely lost respect for her.
It was a slow night for a Friday night -- half of our surgeons were out of town for a conference and of the remaining four, one just lost his mother and isn't back from the funeral in Asia. There's a new sushi restaurant near the hospital, and they deliver if you can put together a lucrative-enough order. The folks I work with are crazy about sushi and even the Respiratory Therapists and the X-ray techs were ordering $20 worth of sushi.
We were all sitting in the back -- well, not ALL of us. Half of us were sitting in the back, having drawn the long straw and were enjoying our sushi while the other half watched all of the patients. Heidi was sitting next to Dick, something that really didn't register with me at the time, and Dick was regaling us all with a tale about how his wife's incredible morning sickness caused her to toss her cookies in the waste basket of a patient's hospital room while the patient described in great detail the "unusual" nature of his poop. (Only nurses -- and surgeons, RTs and X-ray techs can sit around enjoying a good meal while describing poop and someone's vomiting episodes.)
And then I went back to relieve Steve, my substation partner so he could eat his sushi. While Steve was gone, his patient's attending surgeon stopped by and asked a question I couldn't answer, so I popped into the break room to ask him about it. Both Heidi and Dick were still there, only this time they were sharing a single chair. The sexual tension was palpable, and Steve looked thrilled to be interrupted. He shot out of the room as though he'd been fired from a cannon.
Heidi, it seems, has been sleeping with Dick since her arrival on our unit in July. She knows all about the pregnant wife . . .
Heidi may be a good clinician one day, she may be a compassionate and caring nurse. She may be a hard worker. But I will never again respect a woman who could sleep with a married man, a man whose wife is pregnant with their child and who is a sometimes-colleague on a consulting service. And the fact that they made no attempt to be discreet makes them even more contemptible. I've lived through the drama on a unit when an affair goes bad, witnessed a famously and flagrantly unfaithful surgeon's wife storm into the ICU demanding "which one of you ugly ******* is ******* my husband?" and making a good attempt to castrate the man in question. I've seen the aftermath of the DON being found going at it with the Medical Director of Emergency Medicine and I've lived through more nurses breaking up with doctors on our service than I can even remember. I've been the cheated-upon, and it was more painful than even I can describe. Why would you put someone else through that deliberately?
Keep it out of work, people. And if you cannot do that, at least be discreet.
It's like when Bill Clinton was getting raked over the coals for his sex life. I thought it was irrelevant personally, unless he was going to be blackmailed. I was more concerned at his job performance. I was really happy that he balanced the budget!
And the power differential between the most powerful man in the world and a young, naive, clearly empty-headed intern didn't bother you at all? A man doing exactly the same thing in corporate America or on a university campus would be drummed out for sexual harassment.
Specializes in M/S, LTC, Corrections, PDN & drug rehab.
I think they are both to blame. Dr. Dick because he is married (& his wife is pregnant) & Heidi for going along with it even though she knows he's married.
So what Heidi is only 21? She's not 1. She doesn't need someone to spell it out for her that it's immoral & wrong. She is an adult & she know this. Yes we all did stupid things when we were young but hopefully she was raised well enough to tell right from wrong. I assume Dr. Dick didn't force her into that relationship.
But on the other hand you never know what kind of relationship Dr. Dick has with his wife. If Dr. Dick's wife is ok with this & she does the same thing, then Dr. Dick & Heidi just need to keep it PG at work. You'd be surprised at how some people live outside of work.
But regardless of all of that, they need to sit in their own chairs & keep to themselves during working hours. Because no one wants to see any of that or be caught up in any drama at work.
And the power differential between the most powerful man in the world and a young, naive, clearly empty-headed intern didn't bother you at all? A man doing exactly the same thing in corporate America or on a university campus would be drummed out for sexual harassment.
You make a salient point there, dusky. I did think that 'affair' was rather pathetic. FDR, on the other hand, had a mistress who was an ongoing companion. Somehow, that's more respectable in my mind.
Basically, any time a doctor has an affair with a nurse, or a CEO with his secretary, he has more status and power. Women are attracted to powerful men. She probably wouldn't be attracted to the guy in housekeeping, or a CNA.
I don't think it's on the same level as a professor having an affair with a student, or doctor having an affair with a patient.
Incidentally, my parents divorced because my father, a professor, had an affair with one of his, much younger, students. They married and then she left him 7 years later. She and I are close today, and share a common loathing for the man!
Specializes in burn ICU, SICU, ER, Trauma Rapid Response.
(shrug) Hardly unusual. I have seen similar at most every hospital I have ever worked in. Well except when I worked in New Zealand, never saw anything like that going on there.
I see it, I hear about it, but I don't see it and I don't hear about it if you know what I mean.
Ok, first off I would like to say I am in the age range of Heidi. New Nurse with a new speciality, and some of my coworkers even call me "bombshell." So I guess I would be expected to support her, yet I find her actions inexcusable. There are multiple Doctors, married and single that have made advances at me, I have reciprocated none of them. I am at work to work only. Who the heck is taking care of my patients if I was off in an empty room somewhere? I also think adultery is wrong in both cases. Yes, Dr. Dick has made his vows, but Heidi is potentially ruining a marriage and breaking up a family, especially since she knows about Mrs. Dick. (I do not believe for a second that she does not know about her.) I would not want someone to do that to me, so I would not do that to another woman, simple as the Golden Rule. Now to touch on the topic of a Polyamorous relationship, that is perfectly fine with me, as long as all partners understand and agree, however, it should not be obvious in the work place. They might not be sleeping together, but you better believe if I walked in on a woman sitting on my Husband's lap, they would both be running for their lives. :)
She does have a personal obligation to Mrs. Dick, and Mrs. Anyone Else, not to help him break his vows. Your response is likely that he'll do it anyway with someone else. Which is true, but it would be nice if it were harder for adulterers to find willing partners. Why aren't we teaching our daughters to value themselves more highly? Because at the end of the day, while Heidi may feel powerful, she's just his trampoline ride this month.
Not to help him break his vows? Are you kidding? That's like blaming others if you fall off the wagon. If someone is going to cheat, they're going to cheat. Doesn't matter who with. If you believe sleeping with a married man is wrong, then yes Heidi is in the wrong. But Heidi is not breaking up a marriage, she is not leading him astray, nor is she breaking any vows. I just don't see how her love life has anything to do with her ability to do her job. Not am I seeing anyone question how well the doc can do his job...smacks of sexism to me.
She does have a personal obligation to Mrs. Dick, and Mrs. Anyone Else, not to help him break his vows. Your response is likely that he'll do it anyway with someone else. Which is true, but it would be nice if it were harder for adulterers to find willing partners. Why aren't we teaching our daughters to value themselves more highly? Because at the end of the day, while Heidi may feel powerful, she's just his trampoline ride this month.
I understand your point but my reasoning is a bit different. I’d attack this problem from a different angle. I think that we should teach our daughters and sons to honor the commitments and keep the promises they make. That would solve the problem just as efficiently and has an added bonus. It clarifies that a person’s inclination and ability to do the right thing is their own responsibility, and that this responsibility has nothing to do with and isn't dependent on another person’s behavior.
I haven't read all the responses, but some have made the observation that of the two, Heidi seems to have taken the brunt of the OP's loss of respect.
I find this an interesting observation, because when one thinks about it, in the workplace women usually come out on the losing end of indiscretions. The male might get a slap on the wrist from Admin, and his buddies might even give him a knowing grin and a locker-room slap on the back: "Heh-heh. You old dog, you."
Women in my observations, are much more likely to be fired, and ostracized by their coworkers. She becomes the "skanky ho'" while the male is just being "a guy." It's as if it is expected that men will wander more easily, and therefore it is the woman's responsibility to ensure that she does not fall prey to his advances, nor encourage them. If she does, then she is an evil, home-wrecking whore.
duskyjewel
1,335 Posts
And the power differential between the most powerful man in the world and a young, naive, clearly empty-headed intern didn't bother you at all? A man doing exactly the same thing in corporate America or on a university campus would be drummed out for sexual harassment.