I Lost All Respect For A Colleague Today

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

Actually, I lost all respect for two colleagues today. One is a brand new grad, about 21 or 22 and gorgeous in one of those fresh, "girl next door" ways. She gets her scrubs tailored so they fit her just so, her hair is long, shiny and falls in loose lustrous waves. She could be a model, so we'll call her Heidi. The other is a married neurosurgery fellow, whose wife is pregnant with his first child. We'll call him Dr. Dick, or just Dick.

Heidi didn't do anything to seriously endanger a patient: she didn't slam in Lasix, for example, or trickle in Adenosine. She didn't miss a run of VT (although, to be fair, the Clin Tech noticed it first and pointed it out to Heidi). She didn't ignore post-op pain or bleeding, and she wasn't the one sitting at the computer at the nurse's station, headphones on and watching a hockey game while ignoring monitor alarms and call bells. Nevertheless, I've completely lost respect for her.

It was a slow night for a Friday night -- half of our surgeons were out of town for a conference and of the remaining four, one just lost his mother and isn't back from the funeral in Asia. There's a new sushi restaurant near the hospital, and they deliver if you can put together a lucrative-enough order. The folks I work with are crazy about sushi and even the Respiratory Therapists and the X-ray techs were ordering $20 worth of sushi.

We were all sitting in the back -- well, not ALL of us. Half of us were sitting in the back, having drawn the long straw and were enjoying our sushi while the other half watched all of the patients. Heidi was sitting next to Dick, something that really didn't register with me at the time, and Dick was regaling us all with a tale about how his wife's incredible morning sickness caused her to toss her cookies in the waste basket of a patient's hospital room while the patient described in great detail the "unusual" nature of his poop. (Only nurses -- and surgeons, RTs and X-ray techs can sit around enjoying a good meal while describing poop and someone's vomiting episodes.)

And then I went back to relieve Steve, my substation partner so he could eat his sushi. While Steve was gone, his patient's attending surgeon stopped by and asked a question I couldn't answer, so I popped into the break room to ask him about it. Both Heidi and Dick were still there, only this time they were sharing a single chair. The sexual tension was palpable, and Steve looked thrilled to be interrupted. He shot out of the room as though he'd been fired from a cannon.

Heidi, it seems, has been sleeping with Dick since her arrival on our unit in July. She knows all about the pregnant wife . . .

Heidi may be a good clinician one day, she may be a compassionate and caring nurse. She may be a hard worker. But I will never again respect a woman who could sleep with a married man, a man whose wife is pregnant with their child and who is a sometimes-colleague on a consulting service. And the fact that they made no attempt to be discreet makes them even more contemptible. I've lived through the drama on a unit when an affair goes bad, witnessed a famously and flagrantly unfaithful surgeon's wife storm into the ICU demanding "which one of you ugly ******* is ******* my husband?" and making a good attempt to castrate the man in question. I've seen the aftermath of the DON being found going at it with the Medical Director of Emergency Medicine and I've lived through more nurses breaking up with doctors on our service than I can even remember. I've been the cheated-upon, and it was more painful than even I can describe. Why would you put someone else through that deliberately?

Keep it out of work, people. And if you cannot do that, at least be discreet.

[Delicate Flower]

Wow, Ruby. I enjoyed reading that. Just like a Harlequin! I don't blame you for losing respect.

Do you know for a fact they are sleeping together? I mean, sharing a chair makes it pretty obvious that something is going on...

The facts that he is married and his wife is pregnant definitely make the relationship more scandalous, but even a straightforward relationship, when conducted at work, is downright inappropriate. It makes everyone around you uncomfortable, and you can be sure you aren't focused 100% on the job when your object of lust is sitting next to (or under) you.

Just don't, people.

I almost feel bad for Heidi. At 21, I didn't know what the heck I was doing. I'm sure she knows it is wrong to be messing with this dude, but she's got stars in her eyes and by golly, he's a doctor! Someone needs to confront her and tell her: Nothing good can come of this. A whole heaping load of bad, but nothing good.

[westieluv]

Heidi "gets her scrubs tailored so they fit her just so"? Oh, someone PLEASE, pass me that patient's wastebasket!

Anyway, in all of my years of working on hospital units, I have seen my own share of Heidis and Dr. Dicks and this is almost always how it pans out:

Heidi runs around bragging to anyone and everyone about how she is bagging a neurosurgeon. You see, Heidi didn't really go to school so that she could ease patients' suffering or empty bedpans. No, Heidi had an agenda, which was that as soon as she got out of school, she was going to hit the floor looking hot and get her a doctor! Never mind that a lot of doctors are total Dr. Dicks, it doesn't matter, she is 21 and gorgeous, and she feels that she deserves the "good" life and will stomp on anyone, using her cover girl looks, to get it.

Dr. Dick, meanwhile, who has an ego the size of Moby Dick, is really enjoying feeling like Mr. Stud Muffin. Not only does he have a pregnant wife, but he is SUCH a big, hot, neurosurgeon kind of guy, that he can also bag the cutest nurse on the unit, just with a wink of his eye! Not too many guys can do all that, eh? He is truly DA MAN!

And then what I've seen happen, nine times out of ten, is that Dr. Dick never had any intention of leaving his wife (whom he really does "love", he's just been a bad boy, boo hoo) or his six or seven figure salary, or his mcmansion, or his Mercedes. He was only toying with Heidi, who, by now, has fallen head over heels in love with him and has already been writing her "married" name (Mrs. Heidi Dr. Dick) in big, loopy, cursive letters on everything for quite some time now, and fantasizing about the beautiful children that they will have together (Baby Heidi and Lil' Dick), never mind that Dr. Dick already has a child on the way with the woman that he promised to love, honor, and foresake all others for. Cut to the end, and we see Heidi a broken, emotional mess, blubbering about how Dr. Dick promised her the moon and the stars, only to turn out to be a, well, Dr. Dick. Heidi will then put on her big girl pants, hold her chin up, and somehow try to persevere until the next Dr. Dick in her life comes along, because girls like Heidi never seem to learn from these experiences, they just keep on keepin' on until they finally find a Dr. Dick who is willing to leave his family for them, even if this Dr. Dick looks like a toad and wears plaid sports jackets and a comb over because, well, you know, he IS still a doctor!

But seriously, I hope that stupid Heidi doesn't end up pregnant with this loser's baby also. That would leave two innocent victims (the kids). I used to work with a very attractive nurse who got involved with a married ER doctor, got pregnant, and spent the child's first two or three years trying to get, and ultimately getting, child support from this Dr. Dick, and throughout it all, his wife never even thought about leaving him, and the attractive nurse ended up being a single mom who couldn't get Dr. Dick (the father of her child) to even look at her.

So much for baggin' a doctor.

[jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B]

Keep out of the rumor and the fray. Some people have weird personal lives that are messed up, not something we would do....you just never, ever know. For what it is worth, MD may not even still be with the wife, pregnant or not--and the young nurse may not be having any sort of an affair, just a really close friend. Could be his niece. Could be another obscure relative/friend of my father's stuff. You just don't know. (and with the difficulty in any number of new grads getting jobs, this is plausible--everyone seems to need to know someone--to what extent, we just don't know).

There are many who jump to the conclusion that people are having affairs. While that may be the case, it has nothing to do with how Heidi practices as a nurse. Huge error in judgement as far as bringing it to work--break room or not--however, what they do on their time is their thing.

I would keep what you saw to yourself. I would not comment when asked. I would not continue a rumor and gossip. Because even though they may be having a bang-up time--and again, we do not KNOW that this is the case--she is a 21 year old young lady (and at 21, fresh outta college, any number can and do fall for anything in the romance department) and he is older, wiser, and should know better--but unfortunetely, it falls on the female that somehow she is to "blame" for all of this. And moreso, the comments about this nurse's looks, right down to the tailored scrubs--that really has little to do with it.

To put it another way--I have no respect for men who prey on young girls for their own entertainment **in my personal life** and bring all the nonsense to work so it becomes part of my professional life with the never ending speculation, gossip and all around trashing of the nurse in this, as opposed to the MD, as opposed to anyone, because quite frankly, it is none of my business.

[Esme12, ASN, BSN, RN]

I've seen it..Worker kills doctor and herself at MGH

[Esme12, ASN, BSN, RN]

Keep it out of the workplace people.

[AdamantiteEnigma]

Seen this type of thing way too much in my career so far. I used to feel bad for the intern docs at one hospital I used to work at. It really did look on the surface that every 20 something to 30 something nurse were throwing themselves at them enthusiastically and often. Then we had 'the incident.'

That incident involved three nurses one was floated, another wasworking off their shift of OT, and one that was part of our floor and shift having a WWE Smackdown right at the station. They were all sleeping with this particularly gifted intern. And, as fate would have it, they were all spending any chat time during the shift discussing ad nauseum the wonderful doctor they were seeing. Didn't take long for cell phone pictures to break out, and the throwdown began. I got a good sized scratch on my face trying to break it up with security. It was absolutely insane. I thought I was an unwilling guest in a Jerry Springer Show Episode. And the sucky part was being called in off my shift repeatedly to address the matter. I just happened to be there. Felt like punishment And I made no bones about stating that repeatedly.

There was no questioning in two of the three women's claims as I'd had the misfortune to walk in on them during previous shifts. Intern sleeping room while trying to get the doc for a code - and the supply room in the basement with the other. I just knew better to even acknowledge let alone discuss what I'd seen. These things almost always have bad endings. The third, well... I figure she wouldn't have gone into the melee without a dog in the fight. *shakes head*

I actually got a chance to ask him about it during an event we were both invited to. He shrugged nonchalantly and stated, " Well, none of them even knew about my wife." Yeah...

[AdamantiteEnigma]

FWIW this is my policy on these types of things. Because even being a bystander can land you in a heap of hot water...

[firstinfamily, RN]

Yes, I agree, hear no evil, speak no evil, see no evil. Keep out of it, it is their problem. Unless it is affecting the patient care on the unit either by the nurse or the MD, they are both adults. Heidi will have to learn her lesson the hard way. There must be some info out there about MDs preying on younger nurses and younger nurses getting wrapped up with MDs and the outcome. I would put something like that conveniently where Heidi sees it.

[tcvnurse, BSN, RN]

I really think the doc in this case deserves waaaay more vitriol than your colleague. For one, he is the one who is married. She is presumably single? Why should she be responsible for his behavior? Also, there is a power element here. She is a new nurse, he is an experienced surgeon. He may have seen her as an easy mark to be manipulated. I feel like you're giving him a free pass in this rant.

I think he is the really sleazy one. But agree--don't poop where you eat.

[klone, MSN, RN]

I guess I don't really understand why Heidi seems to have taken the brunt of your disdain and disgust. Heidi is not the one who broke any vows. Heidi does not know Mrs. Dick, Mr. Dick is the bigger ******* here.

Not saying Heidi is incredibly foolish. But she's also 22. She doesn't have the life experience to think about a family being torn apart. DICK DOES.

They should both have your disdain. But Dick should have a far greater part of it than Heidi should. She's not the "homewrecker" here - HE is.

And I think it's in poor taste to be airing colleagues' dirty laundry here. As we are always chastising the others - you gave enough details so that anyone who works where you work could easily tell about whom you are talking.

Unless this is fictional, and it's supposed to be an "article."

[ShelbyaStar]

Good story, but very interesting that you feel so much more vitriol for Heidi than Dr Dick. HE'S the one with a pregnant wife. They're both extremely unprofessional and behaving badly, but between the two I'd say the doc is the worse person. The responsibility to be faithful to his wife is his and his alone.