Actually, I lost all respect for two colleagues today. One is a brand new grad, about 21 or 22 and gorgeous in one of those fresh, "girl next door" ways. She gets her scrubs tailored so they fit her just so, her hair is long, shiny and falls in loose lustrous waves. She could be a model, so we'll call her Heidi. The other is a married neurosurgery fellow, whose wife is pregnant with his first child. We'll call him Dr. Dick, or just Dick.
Heidi didn't do anything to seriously endanger a patient: she didn't slam in Lasix, for example, or trickle in Adenosine. She didn't miss a run of VT (although, to be fair, the Clin Tech noticed it first and pointed it out to Heidi). She didn't ignore post-op pain or bleeding, and she wasn't the one sitting at the computer at the nurse's station, headphones on and watching a hockey game while ignoring monitor alarms and call bells. Nevertheless, I've completely lost respect for her.
It was a slow night for a Friday night -- half of our surgeons were out of town for a conference and of the remaining four, one just lost his mother and isn't back from the funeral in Asia. There's a new sushi restaurant near the hospital, and they deliver if you can put together a lucrative-enough order. The folks I work with are crazy about sushi and even the Respiratory Therapists and the X-ray techs were ordering $20 worth of sushi.
We were all sitting in the back -- well, not ALL of us. Half of us were sitting in the back, having drawn the long straw and were enjoying our sushi while the other half watched all of the patients. Heidi was sitting next to Dick, something that really didn't register with me at the time, and Dick was regaling us all with a tale about how his wife's incredible morning sickness caused her to toss her cookies in the waste basket of a patient's hospital room while the patient described in great detail the "unusual" nature of his poop. (Only nurses -- and surgeons, RTs and X-ray techs can sit around enjoying a good meal while describing poop and someone's vomiting episodes.)
And then I went back to relieve Steve, my substation partner so he could eat his sushi. While Steve was gone, his patient's attending surgeon stopped by and asked a question I couldn't answer, so I popped into the break room to ask him about it. Both Heidi and Dick were still there, only this time they were sharing a single chair. The sexual tension was palpable, and Steve looked thrilled to be interrupted. He shot out of the room as though he'd been fired from a cannon.
Heidi, it seems, has been sleeping with Dick since her arrival on our unit in July. She knows all about the pregnant wife . . .
Heidi may be a good clinician one day, she may be a compassionate and caring nurse. She may be a hard worker. But I will never again respect a woman who could sleep with a married man, a man whose wife is pregnant with their child and who is a sometimes-colleague on a consulting service. And the fact that they made no attempt to be discreet makes them even more contemptible. I've lived through the drama on a unit when an affair goes bad, witnessed a famously and flagrantly unfaithful surgeon's wife storm into the ICU demanding "which one of you ugly ******* is ******* my husband?" and making a good attempt to castrate the man in question. I've seen the aftermath of the DON being found going at it with the Medical Director of Emergency Medicine and I've lived through more nurses breaking up with doctors on our service than I can even remember. I've been the cheated-upon, and it was more painful than even I can describe. Why would you put someone else through that deliberately?
Keep it out of work, people. And if you cannot do that, at least be discreet.
I think the OP is biased because she was cheated on once as well.
And so what if she is?
Everyone's opinions are either formed by what happened to them personally, what happened to someone they knew/know, or something they were told at one time.
Correct! In the same way, if anyone at any time ever wants to discuss your personal life, RNsRWe (and in particular your sex life), I will gladly refrain...
Wow i must work in an extremely boring place! I have never heard of this happening, and talking to several co-workers, they have not heard of it either. People at my workplace must either be very discrete or they are not into that kind of thing.
Wow i must work in an extremely boring place! I have never heard of this happening, and talking to several co-workers, they have not heard of it either. People at my workplace must either be very discrete or they are not into that kind of thing.
I thought I did too, until I heard about my fellow RN banging a RT in her car on their lunch breaks. Both were married. Super classy. I guess I'm just out of the gossip loop!
Not to help him break his vows? Are you kidding? That's like blaming others if you fall off the wagon. If someone is going to cheat, they're going to cheat. Doesn't matter who with. If you believe sleeping with a married man is wrong, then yes Heidi is in the wrong. But Heidi is not breaking up a marriage, she is not leading him astray, nor is she breaking any vows. I just don't see how her love life has anything to do with her ability to do her job. Not am I seeing anyone question how well the doc can do his job...smacks of sexism to me.
The second person is not blameless. If you are drinking in front of someone who is going to AA, and you are going on and on about how good the drink is and keep offering a sip to that person, you're a jerk (even though the ultimate choice to drink is on each individual person, you shouldn't put that pressure on someone else). Likewise, you can't say for certain that if someone has cheated, they would have just found someone else to cheat with if that original person shot them down. Who knows, Heidi may have put forth enough pressure to tip the scales. Both parties clearly have blame. Loss of respect here is referring to personal, not about her ability to perform the job.
The second person is not blameless. If you are drinking in front of someone who is going to AA, and you are going on and on about how good the drink is and keep offering a sip to that person, you're a jerk (even though the ultimate choice to drink is on each individual person, you shouldn't put that pressure on someone else). Likewise, you can't say for certain that if someone has cheated, they would have just found someone else to cheat with if that original person shot them down. Who knows, Heidi may have put forth enough pressure to tip the scales. Both parties clearly have blame. Loss of respect here is referring to personal, not about her ability to perform the job.
I never said Heidi was blameless but to me the blame is 70/30 on the doc. He was the one married, not her. And honestly saying he was tempted and couldn't say no is a cop out. We are all responsible for our actions and blaming the other person is childish and immature.
Specializes in Nurse Leader specializing in Labor & Delivery.
When I said Heidi doesn't know Mrs. Dick - I didn't mean she doesn't know of her existence. I meant that Heidi doesn't have a relationship with her, doesn't have a commitment to her. Her husband does.
And I just can't say how much I disagree with the sentiment of "She has a commitment to not help him break his vows." She has no such commitment. HE is the one who made the vows, and it's on HIM, and NO ONE ELSE, to make sure he fulfills them.
I question her judgment and maturity. But HE is the one who is cheating on his wife. It's HIS morals and ethics that I question.
It's no wonder marriage is in such a damaged state in our society when people actually believe they have no obligation to respect and protect other people's vows.
Specializes in Nurse Leader specializing in Labor & Delivery.
It's no wonder marriage is in such a damaged state in our society when people actually believe they have no obligation to respect and protect other people's vows.
The only people who have a responsibility to their vows is the people who made them.
If a married man seeks out a prostitute, I don't place blame in the prostitute's lap.
And I am very happily married to my best friend. But if he cheated on me with a coworker, it would be HIM to blame for cheating on me.
It's no wonder marriage is in such a damaged state in our society when people actually believe they have no obligation to respect and protect other people's vows.
Because no ever cheated on spouses till recently? As long as there has been the concept of marriage there has been cheating in marriage. I personally don't think it's right to sleep with a married person, but the people who are ruining marriage are the married cheaters.
RNsRWe, ASN, RN
3 Articles; 10,428 Posts
And so what if she is?
Everyone's opinions are either formed by what happened to them personally, what happened to someone they knew/know, or something they were told at one time.
Opinions aren't formed in a vacuum.