Actually, I lost all respect for two colleagues today. One is a brand new grad, about 21 or 22 and gorgeous in one of those fresh, "girl next door" ways. She gets her scrubs tailored so they fit her just so, her hair is long, shiny and falls in loose lustrous waves. She could be a model, so we'll call her Heidi. The other is a married neurosurgery fellow, whose wife is pregnant with his first child. We'll call him Dr. Dick, or just Dick.
Heidi didn't do anything to seriously endanger a patient: she didn't slam in Lasix, for example, or trickle in Adenosine. She didn't miss a run of VT (although, to be fair, the Clin Tech noticed it first and pointed it out to Heidi). She didn't ignore post-op pain or bleeding, and she wasn't the one sitting at the computer at the nurse's station, headphones on and watching a hockey game while ignoring monitor alarms and call bells. Nevertheless, I've completely lost respect for her.
It was a slow night for a Friday night -- half of our surgeons were out of town for a conference and of the remaining four, one just lost his mother and isn't back from the funeral in Asia. There's a new sushi restaurant near the hospital, and they deliver if you can put together a lucrative-enough order. The folks I work with are crazy about sushi and even the Respiratory Therapists and the X-ray techs were ordering $20 worth of sushi.
We were all sitting in the back -- well, not ALL of us. Half of us were sitting in the back, having drawn the long straw and were enjoying our sushi while the other half watched all of the patients. Heidi was sitting next to Dick, something that really didn't register with me at the time, and Dick was regaling us all with a tale about how his wife's incredible morning sickness caused her to toss her cookies in the waste basket of a patient's hospital room while the patient described in great detail the "unusual" nature of his poop. (Only nurses -- and surgeons, RTs and X-ray techs can sit around enjoying a good meal while describing poop and someone's vomiting episodes.)
And then I went back to relieve Steve, my substation partner so he could eat his sushi. While Steve was gone, his patient's attending surgeon stopped by and asked a question I couldn't answer, so I popped into the break room to ask him about it. Both Heidi and Dick were still there, only this time they were sharing a single chair. The sexual tension was palpable, and Steve looked thrilled to be interrupted. He shot out of the room as though he'd been fired from a cannon.
Heidi, it seems, has been sleeping with Dick since her arrival on our unit in July. She knows all about the pregnant wife . . .
Heidi may be a good clinician one day, she may be a compassionate and caring nurse. She may be a hard worker. But I will never again respect a woman who could sleep with a married man, a man whose wife is pregnant with their child and who is a sometimes-colleague on a consulting service. And the fact that they made no attempt to be discreet makes them even more contemptible. I've lived through the drama on a unit when an affair goes bad, witnessed a famously and flagrantly unfaithful surgeon's wife storm into the ICU demanding "which one of you ugly ******* is ******* my husband?" and making a good attempt to castrate the man in question. I've seen the aftermath of the DON being found going at it with the Medical Director of Emergency Medicine and I've lived through more nurses breaking up with doctors on our service than I can even remember. I've been the cheated-upon, and it was more painful than even I can describe. Why would you put someone else through that deliberately?
Keep it out of work, people. And if you cannot do that, at least be discreet.
I've always joked that medical workplaces are not at all like Grey's Anatomy with everyone getting it on in on call rooms but maybe I've just worked at the wrong places?
Because no ever cheated on spouses till recently? As long as there has been the concept of marriage there has been cheating in marriage. I personally don't think it's right to sleep with a married person, but the people who are ruining marriage are the married cheaters.
Of course infidelity happened, but there was a much higher social price for it because people were invested in the health and stability of society as well as themselves. They recognized that a healthy social fabric benefits everyone. These days it's everyone for themselves, and screw everyone else.
PS if your sister or best friend boinked your husband, I'm sure you'd be upset with her for violating vows she didn't personally make and in your calculus, has no responsibility for.
Specializes in Nurse Leader specializing in Labor & Delivery.
What if he cheated on you with a neighbor, or a friend of yours, or with your sister? You wouldn't assign any blame to your neighbor/friend/sister?
If my husband had an affair with someone with whom I have a relationship of trust, I would be incredibly hurt and devastated, and may not be able to recover. But the only person I would blame for dishonoring my marriage vows is the person with whom I made said vows.
Specializes in Nurse Leader specializing in Labor & Delivery.
I don't know how to answer that. I think it's just a fundamental difference in how we view things, that you will probably not ever understand where I'm coming from.
I think everyone should have basic decency and respect for themselves and others. But vows and contracts are between the people engaged in them, and nobody else.
Specializes in Medical Oncology, Alzheimer/dementia.
One of my mentors as a young 'un said, "Don't dip your pen in the company inkwell."
Words to live by.
When my husband first started out his teaching career, his principal said every year at staff orientation "Don't have a honey where you make your money." Yet it never failed every year, some teacher was getting it on with another.
Absolutely agree. I would've lost respect for her too. it's Keep "it" out of work. Ms. Heidi not only disgraced nurses, but women in general. You might see this type of scenario played out a lot in healthcare, or other areas where tension runs high but it's all around.
I don't understand this....why SHOULDN'T everyone be expected to honor the marriage vows of those around them?
Why should you have anything to do with vows I take? They have nothing to do with you. They are between the two people who took them. What if it was a vow you absolutely didn't believe in??
Absolutely agree. I would've lost respect for her too. it's Keep "it" out of work. Ms. Heidi not only disgraced nurses, but women in general. You might see this type of scenario played out a lot in healthcare, or other areas where tension runs high but it's all around.
Oh please, this isn't the 50's. I personally dong think you should date at work, but that's on them. As for her being a disgrace what about him? He deserves way more if the blame by a long shot.
stewstew03
45 Posts
What if he cheated on you with a neighbor, or a friend of yours, or with your sister? You wouldn't assign any blame to your neighbor/friend/sister?