Actually, I lost all respect for two colleagues today. One is a brand new grad, about 21 or 22 and gorgeous in one of those fresh, "girl next door" ways. She gets her scrubs tailored so they fit her just so, her hair is long, shiny and falls in loose lustrous waves. She could be a model, so we'll call her Heidi. The other is a married neurosurgery fellow, whose wife is pregnant with his first child. We'll call him Dr. Dick, or just Dick.
Heidi didn't do anything to seriously endanger a patient: she didn't slam in Lasix, for example, or trickle in Adenosine. She didn't miss a run of VT (although, to be fair, the Clin Tech noticed it first and pointed it out to Heidi). She didn't ignore post-op pain or bleeding, and she wasn't the one sitting at the computer at the nurse's station, headphones on and watching a hockey game while ignoring monitor alarms and call bells. Nevertheless, I've completely lost respect for her.
It was a slow night for a Friday night -- half of our surgeons were out of town for a conference and of the remaining four, one just lost his mother and isn't back from the funeral in Asia. There's a new sushi restaurant near the hospital, and they deliver if you can put together a lucrative-enough order. The folks I work with are crazy about sushi and even the Respiratory Therapists and the X-ray techs were ordering $20 worth of sushi.
We were all sitting in the back -- well, not ALL of us. Half of us were sitting in the back, having drawn the long straw and were enjoying our sushi while the other half watched all of the patients. Heidi was sitting next to Dick, something that really didn't register with me at the time, and Dick was regaling us all with a tale about how his wife's incredible morning sickness caused her to toss her cookies in the waste basket of a patient's hospital room while the patient described in great detail the "unusual" nature of his poop. (Only nurses -- and surgeons, RTs and X-ray techs can sit around enjoying a good meal while describing poop and someone's vomiting episodes.)
And then I went back to relieve Steve, my substation partner so he could eat his sushi. While Steve was gone, his patient's attending surgeon stopped by and asked a question I couldn't answer, so I popped into the break room to ask him about it. Both Heidi and Dick were still there, only this time they were sharing a single chair. The sexual tension was palpable, and Steve looked thrilled to be interrupted. He shot out of the room as though he'd been fired from a cannon.
Heidi, it seems, has been sleeping with Dick since her arrival on our unit in July. She knows all about the pregnant wife . . .
Heidi may be a good clinician one day, she may be a compassionate and caring nurse. She may be a hard worker. But I will never again respect a woman who could sleep with a married man, a man whose wife is pregnant with their child and who is a sometimes-colleague on a consulting service. And the fact that they made no attempt to be discreet makes them even more contemptible. I've lived through the drama on a unit when an affair goes bad, witnessed a famously and flagrantly unfaithful surgeon's wife storm into the ICU demanding "which one of you ugly ******* is ******* my husband?" and making a good attempt to castrate the man in question. I've seen the aftermath of the DON being found going at it with the Medical Director of Emergency Medicine and I've lived through more nurses breaking up with doctors on our service than I can even remember. I've been the cheated-upon, and it was more painful than even I can describe. Why would you put someone else through that deliberately?
Keep it out of work, people. And if you cannot do that, at least be discreet.
Lmao at the affair left the apartment and into the workplace. They were sitting in the same chair!!!! lol how do we know if the room mate is telling the truth? He might want her for himself (if he likes women) or he's spreading rumors because she didn't wash her dishes on her dish night.
Heidi is young. In high school I remember seeing girls sharing seats with guys and holding hands with other girls while walking to class (straight girls) it's the in thing now to be open and affectionate with the younger crowd ( I don't know how old dr dick is btw)
And I doubt they would get all mushy in front of Steve like he wasn't there. They probably thought it was innocent and you don't know how it came about that they even shared the chair.
Dr dick: I'm getting fat
Heidi: no you're not! See we can fit in the same chair!
You walk in and Steve bolts out because he has diarrhea. You don't know!
I walked into my unit one morning to see a stranger standing there with a camera. He said, "Hey, I'm doing some PR for the hospital. Will you be willing to have your picture taken with our hospital CEO?" I said, "Uh, ok." Picture taken, we all went our separate ways. Rumor soon had it that I was having an affair with our CEO. Sigh.
I would have at least understood it better if he and I had decided to share a single chair while alone in my break room with PLENTY of other chairs available.
The bottom line, I think, is that whether or not you think it OK for Heidi and Dick to be having an affair while his pregnant wife vomits in patient wastebaskets, I don't think anyone thinks it's OK for them to bring it into the workplace. Yes, we should all mind our own business, gossiping is bad and what someone does behind closed doors should stay behind closed doors. But behaving in such a way in the workplace that your co-workers notice and are uncomfortable (Steve bolted out of the breakroom as if he had been shot from a cannon and those who were still eating looked as though they'd gladly follow him, food and all) is not cool. Public displays of affection in the break room, in the nurse's station and in the doorway of a (fortunately unconscious) patient's room are in poor form even if both parties are single.
The message I'm trying for is "Keep your affairs out of the workplace, and if you can't do that, at least don't be blatant about it. Try to keep secrets SECRET."
And to those who are gunning for the roommate -- the roommate didn't say anything to anyone until the affair left the apartment and was put on display in the workplace. Maybe s/he should have kept quiet even then, but I'll admit that it would have required more willpower than I personally possess to have done so. Gossiping, while evil, is also fun.
I think my feelings for Dick are clear by the name I assigned him. But this is a nursing forum, and my message is for nurses. It may damage your professional reputation to be caught having an affair with a married colleague. Whether the colleague is a physician, surgeon, fellow nurse, respiratory therapist, X-ray tech, pharmacist or administrator, bringing your affairs into work is a thoroughly bad idea. And if the spouse of your lover works for the same hospital, it's potentially a disaster for all concerned.
Would it change anyone's opinions if I told you that Dick was really a pharmacist working on our unit and the step-down and his wife is really the unit secretary on the stepdown? If Mrs. Dick was the surgeon and Dr. Dick was a consulting podiatrist? If Heidi was our assistant nurse manager and the Dicks were a decade younger?
I don't think anyone is saying "YES, oh YES, affairs are wonderful things!! Let's all get one!!" What is being said (by me) is that what they are or are not doing is none of any co-workers concern. Unless they are coming out of a broom closet (or the break room) and someone has been coding for 5 minutes....or some other patient safety and care issue. And if that is the case, then there are disciplinary actions that can be taken r/t the nurse's inactions as opposed to "it's because Nurse Heidi is vo-di-oh-do-ing with the surgeon."
Gossip is NOT "fun". You have lost respect for coworkers, have alluded that precepting this nurse would be difficult, called her a liar, that she somehow is a lesser nurse because of a bunch of assumptions--but to gossip about it is "fun" ?!?! That is a huge disconnect.
It may be damaging to your professional reputation to be caught gossiping about co-workers or to hold assumptions about one's personal life against them when you are assigned to precept, work with, or otherwise engage in communication at work.
And I would not be the bit surprised if the wife of the MD goes directly to OP and said room mate to discuss why it is that you both are spreading rumor and gossip. I probably wouldn't answer "because it is fun". Add that to OP treating the nurse differently because of it, and that is stuff jobs are lost over.
It would behoove an older more experienced nurse to state to the room mate "what happens at home stays at home, we can not begin/continue gossiping about this", and to treat Nurse Heidi as any other new nurse on the unit--based on her practice as opposed to personal feelings.
This is career ruining stuff. And not only the career of this MD and nurse.
Specializes in Critical Care, ED, Cath lab, CTPAC,Trauma.
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WHAT!? Society is not in collapse! At least not OUR society. In fact we are making wonderful progress OUT if degradation and towards civilization.
By any measure our society can be shown to be better, healthier, safer, and more ethical and moral than as any point in our past.
Not to say we don't still have a lot of room for improvement in many areas.
Every year, the number of children born out of wedlock increases. Societal support for marriage is at an all time low, and that's vividly demonstrated by attitudes in this thread. Children of any ethnicity being raised by single mothers face poverty at substantially higher rates than children born to married parents of ALL ethnicities. That means they face all the attendant problems that come with poverty at higher rates, too, like food insecurity, higher crime vulnerability, and poorer health outcomes. If you think that's progress, I don't know what to say to you. While the adults build their "no rules" funhouse, children suffer.
Specializes in Nurse Leader specializing in Labor & Delivery.
Take a look at those of us who are fighting for gay equality and the rights for gays to marry, and then tell us that "support for marriage is at an all time low."
Specializes in burn ICU, SICU, ER, Trauma Rapid Response.
E
very year, the number of children born out of wedlock increases.
I haven't seen the numbers (I would like to). My observation is that "out of wedlock" is a very different thing than children being born to single moms. I know lots of couples who have children together and are devoted to their children and each other, but who didn't bother to get married.
Societal support for marriage is at an all time low, and that's vividly demonstrated by attitudes in this thread.
I don't know about that. Seems to me there is more support for marriage than ever, but that the supporters of marriage are facing an uphill battle and marriage will continue to decline until the underlying conditions that make it so unattractive are fixed.
I would say that families are changing, but not degrading. The recent legalization of same sex marriage certainly points to wider society support for marriage and family.
Children of any ethnicity being raised by single mothers face poverty at substantially higher rates than children born to married parents of ALL ethnicities. That means they face all the attendant problems that come with poverty at higher rates, too, like food insecurity, higher crime vulnerability, and poorer health outcomes. If you think that's progress,
Does born out of wedlock mean born to single moms? I don't think it does. The issues of children being born to young and single women are well known but I don't see that being on the rise, despite the best efforts of conservatives.
I don't know what to say to you. While the adults build their "no rules" funhouse, children suffer.
I just disagree with the conclusions you have drawn.
(blurred-out face, of course)...
pookyp, LPN
1,074 Posts
I just laughed out loud! Seriously! Lol!!