Actually, I lost all respect for two colleagues today. One is a brand new grad, about 21 or 22 and gorgeous in one of those fresh, "girl next door" ways. She gets her scrubs tailored so they fit her just so, her hair is long, shiny and falls in loose lustrous waves. She could be a model, so we'll call her Heidi. The other is a married neurosurgery fellow, whose wife is pregnant with his first child. We'll call him Dr. Dick, or just Dick.
Heidi didn't do anything to seriously endanger a patient: she didn't slam in Lasix, for example, or trickle in Adenosine. She didn't miss a run of VT (although, to be fair, the Clin Tech noticed it first and pointed it out to Heidi). She didn't ignore post-op pain or bleeding, and she wasn't the one sitting at the computer at the nurse's station, headphones on and watching a hockey game while ignoring monitor alarms and call bells. Nevertheless, I've completely lost respect for her.
It was a slow night for a Friday night -- half of our surgeons were out of town for a conference and of the remaining four, one just lost his mother and isn't back from the funeral in Asia. There's a new sushi restaurant near the hospital, and they deliver if you can put together a lucrative-enough order. The folks I work with are crazy about sushi and even the Respiratory Therapists and the X-ray techs were ordering $20 worth of sushi.
We were all sitting in the back -- well, not ALL of us. Half of us were sitting in the back, having drawn the long straw and were enjoying our sushi while the other half watched all of the patients. Heidi was sitting next to Dick, something that really didn't register with me at the time, and Dick was regaling us all with a tale about how his wife's incredible morning sickness caused her to toss her cookies in the waste basket of a patient's hospital room while the patient described in great detail the "unusual" nature of his poop. (Only nurses -- and surgeons, RTs and X-ray techs can sit around enjoying a good meal while describing poop and someone's vomiting episodes.)
And then I went back to relieve Steve, my substation partner so he could eat his sushi. While Steve was gone, his patient's attending surgeon stopped by and asked a question I couldn't answer, so I popped into the break room to ask him about it. Both Heidi and Dick were still there, only this time they were sharing a single chair. The sexual tension was palpable, and Steve looked thrilled to be interrupted. He shot out of the room as though he'd been fired from a cannon.
Heidi, it seems, has been sleeping with Dick since her arrival on our unit in July. She knows all about the pregnant wife . . .
Heidi may be a good clinician one day, she may be a compassionate and caring nurse. She may be a hard worker. But I will never again respect a woman who could sleep with a married man, a man whose wife is pregnant with their child and who is a sometimes-colleague on a consulting service. And the fact that they made no attempt to be discreet makes them even more contemptible. I've lived through the drama on a unit when an affair goes bad, witnessed a famously and flagrantly unfaithful surgeon's wife storm into the ICU demanding "which one of you ugly ******* is ******* my husband?" and making a good attempt to castrate the man in question. I've seen the aftermath of the DON being found going at it with the Medical Director of Emergency Medicine and I've lived through more nurses breaking up with doctors on our service than I can even remember. I've been the cheated-upon, and it was more painful than even I can describe. Why would you put someone else through that deliberately?
Keep it out of work, people. And if you cannot do that, at least be discreet.
I have been at this a long time. And I have seen totally innocent actions of young nurses being morphed into gossip that is crushing to careers. We have seen many, many nurses on this site come with "my preceptor is so mean" issues, which are mostly discounted, when this is a perfect example of why this could be in fact true.
And I am a strong advocate of what someone does on their off time is their business. And that who we are as people are very different than who we are as nurses. As it should be.
I have been at this a long time. And I have seen totally innocent actions of young nurses being morphed into gossip that is crushing to careers. We have seen many, many nurses on this site come with "my preceptor is so mean" issues, which are mostly discounted, when this is a perfect example of why this could be in fact true.
And I am a strong advocate of what someone does on their off time is their business. And that who we are as people are very different than who we are as nurses. As it should be.
You make strong points. I'll admit freely that I've been a fan of your posts since I arrived here. I'll also freely admit that I am bothered by the description given to us in the OP of events/behavior. But from an in house perspective what bothers me about the scenario is the effect I'm inferring that Heidi and Dr. Dick's behavior toward each other has on the team on that unit.
Totally agree that what one does outside of work is just that. At my old job I was disturbed by the rumor mill over something I considered to be rather harmless. Which was nothing to me but something to everyone else I guess. I filed it under the 'joys of working for a Catholic Hospital.' Here's the comedy: I play metal guitar and do back up/main vocals in a band. We do some pretty spiffy Tool and Sevendust covers. I was spotted (and recorded via someone's cellphone) performing a Tool song. Been there too, and had to ride out the backlash. And I remember the distinct change in how people treated me at work. As well as feeling the need to re-establish myself professionally while on the clock. I'm just waiting for it to happen again actually. Because I'm not stopping on account of someone else's view of me getting shattered because I was putting it down on a Saturday Night.
But I think what bothered me the most about the situation really was that Heidi/Dr. Dick had taken whatever they are doing outside of work and made it a work issue that made everyone uncomfortable with them professionally. It's hard to say though whether the majority of that falls on them, or the behavior of the roomate. Being a person who's had a cheating partner twice now in my life, I'm not inclined to be forgiving or open minded. That's on me, I know that. Yet from the OP one can easily infer that the work environment has been adversely affected.
The cheating, the admin/hourly fraternizing, the poor wife (if this is something she's not aware of and wouldn't approve of), add up to a horrid situation. It would definitely affect me at work were it happening on my unit. So no surprises there on reading about others being affected.
Overall though, it sounds like time is going to solve this problem for this unit. The husband/wife doc team will be moving on. But I am little worried for them. And definitely worried about Heidi. Sounds like she's going to take quite a blow to the heartstrings when it's time for the Docs to move on. Will she learn anything from that? Or will it continue to be an issue?
Why are people defending '' Heidi's" actions so fiercely? for goodness sake, do you work with Ruby? Do you personally know "Heidi" ? exactly! Quit raining on this post and acting like its not completely obvious when two people who should not be having sex are doing just that...
Who might YOU be that you have judged that "two people who should not be having sex"?
This is why society is in collapse. Because people actually think it's wrong to say that a married man shouldn't have sex with someone not his wife, and a woman shouldn't have sex with someone else's husband.
Yeah, but the point is, everyone lies, and if they say they don't, guess what, they're lying!
So because everyone has probably lied at some point in their lives, it means we can never speak out against dishonesty? We can't call out our husbands or children if they lie to us, because we once lied?
Not everyone lies as a matter of course. Many people do try to be honest most of the time. No one is perfect, so I guess we cannot expect honesty and integrity from anyone, right? Anything goes...
I wouldn't necessarily have assumed Heidi and Dr. Dick were sexually involved had I witnessed what she did in the break room, though I definitely think it opens the door to that thought. However, I would still have considered that unprofessional behavior. How many of you routinely share a chair in the break room with your surgeons, WHILE ALONE in a room with plenty of other empty chairs, creating an air which could be considered one of "sexual tension"?
It was inappropriate on both parts. I'll give the greater blame to Dr. Dick, as he is older and presumably wiser, more experienced, and has a great advantage in the power hierarchy, which is why his actions alone could be construed as sexual harassment. But I have a 20 year old daughter who would know this is NOT okay, so let's give the young ones a little more credit.
Did I miss some details along the way? How does "sharing a chair" suddenly become "making out"??
I heard they were having sex at the nurses station with a crowd of patients surrounding them and cheering them on while they burned effigies of the Dr's pregnant wife.
We all know hospitals are microcosms of Peyton Place and there's a lot of gossip, some of it patently untrue, some true, some with a grain of truth, etc. etc. I have been in the field long enough to see/hear all of it. About 10 years ago, a colleague in ER was having an affair with a married doc and no one knew about it. Their demeanor at work gave nothing away. And in my opinion, that's how it should be if it has to happen at all. It's fine to talk to, joke around with doctors but whatever happened to professionalism in the workplace? Some lines should just not be crossed as to not invite gossip or invoke disgust in co-workers/patients. It's absolutely none of my business what goes on in people's homes/bedrooms but it becomes my business when it's going on under my nose whether I want it to be or not.
This is why society is in collapse. Because people actually think it's wrong to say that a married man shouldn't have sex with someone not his wife, and a woman shouldn't have sex with someone else's husband.
I must have more power than I ever realized.. I am contributing to the collapse of society!
The judgement of strangers and expecting them to live by your moral code... is much more contributory.
ANRN2B
26 Posts
I would like this 1,000 times if I could.