Actually, I lost all respect for two colleagues today. One is a brand new grad, about 21 or 22 and gorgeous in one of those fresh, "girl next door" ways. She gets her scrubs tailored so they fit her just so, her hair is long, shiny and falls in loose lustrous waves. She could be a model, so we'll call her Heidi. The other is a married neurosurgery fellow, whose wife is pregnant with his first child. We'll call him Dr. Dick, or just Dick.
Heidi didn't do anything to seriously endanger a patient: she didn't slam in Lasix, for example, or trickle in Adenosine. She didn't miss a run of VT (although, to be fair, the Clin Tech noticed it first and pointed it out to Heidi). She didn't ignore post-op pain or bleeding, and she wasn't the one sitting at the computer at the nurse's station, headphones on and watching a hockey game while ignoring monitor alarms and call bells. Nevertheless, I've completely lost respect for her.
It was a slow night for a Friday night -- half of our surgeons were out of town for a conference and of the remaining four, one just lost his mother and isn't back from the funeral in Asia. There's a new sushi restaurant near the hospital, and they deliver if you can put together a lucrative-enough order. The folks I work with are crazy about sushi and even the Respiratory Therapists and the X-ray techs were ordering $20 worth of sushi.
We were all sitting in the back -- well, not ALL of us. Half of us were sitting in the back, having drawn the long straw and were enjoying our sushi while the other half watched all of the patients. Heidi was sitting next to Dick, something that really didn't register with me at the time, and Dick was regaling us all with a tale about how his wife's incredible morning sickness caused her to toss her cookies in the waste basket of a patient's hospital room while the patient described in great detail the "unusual" nature of his poop. (Only nurses -- and surgeons, RTs and X-ray techs can sit around enjoying a good meal while describing poop and someone's vomiting episodes.)
And then I went back to relieve Steve, my substation partner so he could eat his sushi. While Steve was gone, his patient's attending surgeon stopped by and asked a question I couldn't answer, so I popped into the break room to ask him about it. Both Heidi and Dick were still there, only this time they were sharing a single chair. The sexual tension was palpable, and Steve looked thrilled to be interrupted. He shot out of the room as though he'd been fired from a cannon.
Heidi, it seems, has been sleeping with Dick since her arrival on our unit in July. She knows all about the pregnant wife . . .
Heidi may be a good clinician one day, she may be a compassionate and caring nurse. She may be a hard worker. But I will never again respect a woman who could sleep with a married man, a man whose wife is pregnant with their child and who is a sometimes-colleague on a consulting service. And the fact that they made no attempt to be discreet makes them even more contemptible. I've lived through the drama on a unit when an affair goes bad, witnessed a famously and flagrantly unfaithful surgeon's wife storm into the ICU demanding "which one of you ugly ******* is ******* my husband?" and making a good attempt to castrate the man in question. I've seen the aftermath of the DON being found going at it with the Medical Director of Emergency Medicine and I've lived through more nurses breaking up with doctors on our service than I can even remember. I've been the cheated-upon, and it was more painful than even I can describe. Why would you put someone else through that deliberately?
Keep it out of work, people. And if you cannot do that, at least be discreet.
If I caught someone in a lie, any lie, I would trust them less in the future. Maybe I'm just odd, but I tend to think past behavior is indicative of future behavior until proven otherwise.
Yeah, but the point is, everyone lies, and if they say they don't, guess what, they're lying!
Specializes in ED, Cardiac-step down, tele, med surg.
What about talking to your colleagues about the matter? Since they had no qualms about getting cozy in the break room, maybe if you mentioned it, they may be more inclined to keep it on the down low. Or if you are really concerned about the doctors wife, give her an anonymous note. Actually, I think that is the best thing to do, out of these options. Is it wrong to allow the doctors wife to be kept in the dark about this? Now that you saw and you know, do you feel obligated to act? Or is this something you will just keep to yourself and the other colleagues that saw?
I think I might be inclined to drop the wife an anonymous note telling her what was up. He wouldn't know it was you necessarily. That would be the thing that would make me angry, is that I saw something, that I found morally objectionable, but felt I must keep a secret.
It's challenging us to think about social constructs at many levels, and why we feel the way we do one way or the other.
For me, it made me think about why women so often carry the brunt of social shaming in situations such as these.
Interestingly, I was watching a PBS special not long ago in which it was mentioned that at and around the turn of the last century, young gentlemen were expected (and encouraged) to be "experienced" before marriage, and that they were to seek out this experience in brothels and in the lower class. It was granted that men had "needs" but they must not satisfy those needs with any lady they thought they might marry. The woman they married was to be pure, and a virgin: The good girl.
And here we are today, with men still satisfying their needs with the "lower class." And here we are today, as sisters, still casting the lion's share of shame on our counterparts who act the harlot. Whether we want to admit it or not, we women look for signs of sluttiness in our counterparts. Even subconsciously. I believe it comes from generations of teaching : "Stone her! Make her to wear a Scarlet A! Cast her out!"
Regarding Dr. Dick and Heidi, are not both equally home-wreckers?
And speaking of home-wreckers, let me pose this question: When one hears or reads or thinks of the word "home-wrecker," is the mental image we have that of a man, or a woman? Think about that for a minute.
Why are people defending '' Heidi's" actions so fiercely? for goodness sake, do you work with Ruby? Do you personally know "Heidi" ? exactly! Quit raining on this post and acting like its not completely obvious when two people who should not be having sex are doing just that...
Here's why. According to the OP, there was a seat sharing in the lunch room. Somehow, this got tied into a complete physical description of a nurse's model like looks (cause as we all apparently need to be aware of is only beautiful, young, snug scrub wearing women are out on the prowl to have affairs with married MD's). It makes the OP curious enough that this nurse's room mate is grilled on what HE (oh my stars, she is room mates with a male!!) knows about the nurse and the MD. He then recounts his apparent tale of woe on sleepless nights and endless romps....that don't include him.....(one can assume). Then comes the warning for all young ladies that one is not to become a nurse to have affairs.
No where does it say that these two are PDA'ing up the place. No where does it say that one thing occurred other than sharing a seat at WORK. No where does it say that it is a known fact that the nurse is not this MD's relative, friend, or any other thing other than the room mate running of the mouth. That morphs into the nurse not being a good one in practice, could be running to the broom closet for a quickie when there's patient care to be done, and is a liar. Therefore, to precept her would be not something the OP would like to take on, as she is a harlot--which equates to a poor nurse.
Which is a bunch of hogwash. And a huge lesson in why it is never a good thing to gossip about others at work. Even if there's nightly throwdowns on the kitchen table at home, there was no pushing aside the sushi and have at it on the break room table.....what they are doing or not doing is not anyone's business at work.
There are lots of people for many reasons why they may not like each other at work. But at the end of the day it really is no reflection on the nurse they are or the care they provide.
Pillars of the nursing community can and do whatever they want to. Equally, pillars can also be the ones stealing narcs (
So when the nurse in question comes to AN and states that she is being accused of having an affair, is being gossiped about, and that her preceptor is being mean, this is an excellent example of why we should believe her.
Here's why. According to the OP, there was a seat sharing in the lunch room. Somehow, this got tied into a complete physical description of a nurse's model like looks (cause as we all apparently need to be aware of is only beautiful, young, snug scrub wearing women are out on the prowl to have affairs with married MD's). It makes the OP curious enough that this nurse's room mate is grilled on what HE (oh my stars, she is room mates with a male!!) knows about the nurse and the MD. He then recounts his apparent tale of woe on sleepless nights and endless romps....that don't include him.....(one can assume). Then comes the warning for all young ladies that one is not to become a nurse to have affairs.
No where does it say that these two are PDA'ing up the place. No where does it say that one thing occurred other than sharing a seat at WORK. No where does it say that it is a known fact that the nurse is not this MD's relative, friend, or any other thing other than the room mate running of the mouth. That morphs into the nurse not being a good one in practice, could be running to the broom closet for a quickie when there's patient care to be done, and is a liar. Therefore, to precept her would be not something the OP would like to take on, as she is a harlot--which equates to a poor nurse.
Which is a bunch of hogwash. And a huge lesson in why it is never a good thing to gossip about others at work. Even if there's nightly throwdowns on the kitchen table at home, there was no pushing aside the sushi and have at it on the break room table.....what they are doing or not doing is not anyone's business at work.
There are lots of people for many reasons why they may not like each other at work. But at the end of the day it really is no reflection on the nurse they are or the care they provide.
Pillars of the nursing community can and do whatever they want to. Equally, pillars can also be the ones stealing narcs (
So when the nurse in question comes to AN and states that she is being accused of having an affair, is being gossiped about, and that her preceptor is being mean, this is an excellent example of why we should believe her.
In my opinion, you are over reacting and entirely too emotionally involved in this thread subject.
In my opinion, you are over reacting and entirely too emotionally involved in this thread subject.
I have been at this a long time. And I have seen totally innocent actions of young nurses being morphed into gossip that is crushing to careers. We have seen many, many nurses on this site come with "my preceptor is so mean" issues, which are mostly discounted, when this is a perfect example of why this could be in fact true.
And I am a strong advocate of what someone does on their off time is their business. And that who we are as people are very different than who we are as nurses. As it should be.
laKrugRN
479 Posts
Oh man Ruby that is crazy! How disgusting! His poor wife