Actually, I lost all respect for two colleagues today. One is a brand new grad, about 21 or 22 and gorgeous in one of those fresh, "girl next door" ways. She gets her scrubs tailored so they fit her just so, her hair is long, shiny and falls in loose lustrous waves. She could be a model, so we'll call her Heidi. The other is a married neurosurgery fellow, whose wife is pregnant with his first child. We'll call him Dr. Dick, or just Dick.
Heidi didn't do anything to seriously endanger a patient: she didn't slam in Lasix, for example, or trickle in Adenosine. She didn't miss a run of VT (although, to be fair, the Clin Tech noticed it first and pointed it out to Heidi). She didn't ignore post-op pain or bleeding, and she wasn't the one sitting at the computer at the nurse's station, headphones on and watching a hockey game while ignoring monitor alarms and call bells. Nevertheless, I've completely lost respect for her.
It was a slow night for a Friday night -- half of our surgeons were out of town for a conference and of the remaining four, one just lost his mother and isn't back from the funeral in Asia. There's a new sushi restaurant near the hospital, and they deliver if you can put together a lucrative-enough order. The folks I work with are crazy about sushi and even the Respiratory Therapists and the X-ray techs were ordering $20 worth of sushi.
We were all sitting in the back -- well, not ALL of us. Half of us were sitting in the back, having drawn the long straw and were enjoying our sushi while the other half watched all of the patients. Heidi was sitting next to Dick, something that really didn't register with me at the time, and Dick was regaling us all with a tale about how his wife's incredible morning sickness caused her to toss her cookies in the waste basket of a patient's hospital room while the patient described in great detail the "unusual" nature of his poop. (Only nurses -- and surgeons, RTs and X-ray techs can sit around enjoying a good meal while describing poop and someone's vomiting episodes.)
And then I went back to relieve Steve, my substation partner so he could eat his sushi. While Steve was gone, his patient's attending surgeon stopped by and asked a question I couldn't answer, so I popped into the break room to ask him about it. Both Heidi and Dick were still there, only this time they were sharing a single chair. The sexual tension was palpable, and Steve looked thrilled to be interrupted. He shot out of the room as though he'd been fired from a cannon.
Heidi, it seems, has been sleeping with Dick since her arrival on our unit in July. She knows all about the pregnant wife . . .
Heidi may be a good clinician one day, she may be a compassionate and caring nurse. She may be a hard worker. But I will never again respect a woman who could sleep with a married man, a man whose wife is pregnant with their child and who is a sometimes-colleague on a consulting service. And the fact that they made no attempt to be discreet makes them even more contemptible. I've lived through the drama on a unit when an affair goes bad, witnessed a famously and flagrantly unfaithful surgeon's wife storm into the ICU demanding "which one of you ugly ******* is ******* my husband?" and making a good attempt to castrate the man in question. I've seen the aftermath of the DON being found going at it with the Medical Director of Emergency Medicine and I've lived through more nurses breaking up with doctors on our service than I can even remember. I've been the cheated-upon, and it was more painful than even I can describe. Why would you put someone else through that deliberately?
Keep it out of work, people. And if you cannot do that, at least be discreet.
In other places I have worked, that kind of PDA in a lunchroom, even if it's between a legally married or dating couple, would receive some kind of ridicule, like the rest of us saying "Hey, get a ROOM!" Or some similar comment that makes *them* feel uncomfortable.
I LOVE the ridicule response! The first harm occurs when someone else is made uncomfortable by workplace behavior and feels that s/he needs to stuff the feelings and accept the situation. We have laws about workplace environments, after all.
I disagree. If a person can lie about something as important as their wedding vows (open marriages aside), what else will they lie about? A liar can't be trusted, whatever the lie is.
Yeah, like every person posting here hasn't lied, about something, at least once???????????
I am a firm believer in karma. Usually, the cheaters crash and burn; I know my father did (and boy, he is still on fire! And not in a good way). I know what it is like to be the child in this situation; it hurts and a family is destroyed. My heart goes out to the spouse and unborn baby. That being said...
She is despicable, but he is even more so. He is the one with the (pregnant) spouse, not her. She will get a rude awakening when Dr. Dick won't leave his wife for her; men rarely leave their spouses for their mistresses. It will end in tears. However...
I wouldn't get into it. Keep your head focused on your work and stay out the drama and office politics. Clock in, do your job, and then clock out. Remember, you are there for a paycheck (and maybe fulfillment), not to police other people's inappropriate behavior.
Yeah, like every person posting here hasn't lied, about something, at least once???????????
If I caught someone in a lie, any lie, I would trust them less in the future. Maybe I'm just odd, but I tend to think past behavior is indicative of future behavior until proven otherwise.
Lack of respect for vows is only the tiniest fraction of why marriage is on the decline in the USA (obviously it has been on the decline in other advanced nations for a lot longer). I know MANY men who are simply choosing to not get married and with good reason. I am often in a position ot mentor and teach young people. If the topic comes up, as it does in certain circumstances, I advise young men not to marry, or not to marry until at least their 50's or older. This despite being in a great marriage to a wonderful woman for more than 22 years myself.
If you would like to understand why I give this advice, and who so many men are choosing not to marry I suggest the book "Men on Strike" by Hellen Smith PhD.
Okay, you hooked me! I'm off to the library!
Actually, I've often thought that 10 year contracts with option to renew might be a workable model for the marriage contract. At the very least, recognizing marriage as a contract might get the parties to think about their assumptions and consequences a bit more. Forging a close partnership is tough enough without doing it blind. Was it ever a surprise to me to discover that my husband and I had very different ideas of fidelity... I just assumed!
SeattleJess
843 Posts
I LOVE the ridicule response! The first harm occurs when someone else is made uncomfortable by workplace behavior and feels that s/he needs to stuff the feelings and accept the situation. We have laws about workplace environments, after all.