I just set my friend up

[Kaylle]

I'm going to try to make this post as short as possible...

I have a friend and we've been best friends for over 15+ years (We're both 18 now). Well, both of our future goals since HS was to become a RN and then move in together once we graduate nursing school, then later on become traveling nurses together.

But now she's saying that she doesn't want to be a nurse anymore or get her CNA license with me next summer because there are too many pre-reqs and she doesn't want to take the nursing admission exam because she's horrible at math.

So I said "Alright, what do you want to be because there's no point paying for these expensive classes and you don't know what you want to do yet". So long story short, she now wants to major into something else where you can make a lot of money with just a bachelor's degree (She wants a career that can make over 50,000+ annually).

So I recommend just about everything in the book that she could major in with a bachelors and still make a lot of money (like a biology technician). But she didn't even consider those things either.

So I looked online (more like glanced) and I found out about a Scrub Tech and told her that they can make up to 40,000 a year. Now she wants to become a scrub tech and she just forgoed her seat out of the university we're enrolled into to pursue that career at a local CC. I didn't even know she was planning on doing that rash move.

But now I honestly believe that I just set her up because what if she changes her mind again and wants to come back to the university to become a nurse again? I researched a Scrub Tech a little more and it says that an associates degree Scrub Tech can make the 40,000 annual, not the certificate one. And now she believes that.

I'm afraid to tell her that, because she'll no doubt be pissed at me for feeding her B.S and telling her that she'll make good money. But she now cannot enroll back into the university.

I feel so guilty and horrible now that I did that to her and I'm just looking for anyone to tell me how should I go about the situation now. I honestly feel like I stabbed her in the back and she's my only friend.

[jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B]

At the end of the day, you are responsible for you. Period, end of story.

And to your parents, who are the ones who have to take out 90% of the undergraduate loans to pay for your schooling. Parents are responsible for most of the school loans (aside from the small federal loans that are given for students) for high school graduates in this day and age, not the kids. And that can be a struggle for many parents.

Perhaps your friend (and her parents) can not afford the school which ya'll got into. Especially if a kid is "not sure" what they want to do, but highly unlikely that it would involve a bachelor's degree. What they may be able to afford is a vocational/certificate program.

And it is a shame that kids and parents pay 30-40K a year for a degree that one can't really do anything with. You are smart in that you are getting a CNA certificate so that you will have income. And some sort of idea/experience that could (COULD) give you a foot in a door of a future job prospect. The job market is not easy any way you look at it. And know that most travel companies want nurses to have experience--so really keep your eye on who hires new graduate nurses--

In other words, there are no guarantees in life when it comes to a job market. Your friend is taking the route of getting through a certificate program quickly, as to start in the job market sooner. And that's ok. And her (and her parents) decision. You will make additional friends. You will be busy studying and may or may not be able to have much of a social life the next 4 years. Especially if you need a high GPA to get into the nursing portion of your school's program. So you need to focus on you.

[KayL]

So one of life's great lessons here: "You cannot control the actions of others". Being that you are very young, and I was once too:woot:, you need to understand that you are only responsible for yourself. There is a possibility for everyone that they may change their career path once or many times...I know I did! Focus on yourself and what you need to do to become successful in this world. There are a lot of obstacles out there without being worried about your friend's career choices. Best wishes in nursing school!

[ixchel]

It's not time to make a change,

Just relax, take it easy.

You're still young, that's your fault,

There's so much you have to know.

Find a girl, settle down,

If you want you can marry.

Look at me, I am old, but I'm happy.

I was once like you are now, and I know that it's not easy,

To be calm when you've found something going on.

But take your time, think a lot,

Why, think of everything you've got.

For you will still be here tomorrow, but your dreams may not.

[Guttercat, ASN, RN]

It's not time to make a change,

Just relax, take it easy.

You're still young, that's your fault,

There's so much you have to know.

Find a girl, settle down,

If you want you can marry.

Look at me, I am old, but I'm happy.

I was once like you are now, and I know that it's not easy,

To be calm when you've found something going on.

But take your time, think a lot,

Why, think of everything you've got.

For you will still be here tomorrow, but your dreams may not.

"...from the moment we are born we

are ordered to listen now

there's a way

and I know that I have to

go away

I know

I have to go...."

[Jensmom7, BSN, RN]

It's not time to make a change,

Just relax, take it easy.

You're still young, that's your fault,

There's so much you have to know.

Find a girl, settle down,

If you want you can marry.

Look at me, I am old, but I'm happy.

I was once like you are now, and I know that it's not easy,

To be calm when you've found something going on.

But take your time, think a lot,

Why, think of everything you've got.

For you will still be here tomorrow, but your dreams may not.

Ah, nostalgia. Whenever I hear one of his songs I feel like I'm 20 again.

[mzrainydayz, BSN, RN]

You have to live your life and pursue your goals. You aren't her mother, what she needs is a college adviser to help her figure out what career path is right for her. Focus more on yourself, never "push" anyone into something they don't desire to do. For example, me and my cousin started taking prereqs together, I finished while she quit.I got accepted to a ADN program and then tried encouraging her to go back, but she never did. I graduated a ADN program and a BSN program, and this coming January 2016, I will be pursuing a NP program. Long story to say she hasn't even finished her preqs and gotten into a nursing program and it's been a few years. Just stay friends and support each other decisions because what is best for you may not be the same for others.

[NurseGirl525, ASN, RN]

I noticed a couple of things in your posts that caught my eye. First, how did she forgo a seat in a nursing program if you guys just graduated and haven't done any prereqs yet? You do your prereqs then apply to a program. So, I'm thinking she just decided not to go to this college because she didn't want to do the prereqs. Also, if she is just picking careers you select for her based on your advice and not thoroughly research what career she wants, she is not ready for college. This girl has no idea what she wants to do in her life yet and that is ok. I sure as heck didn't know at 18. I just knew I was done with school and wanted to be out in the real world for a while. Let her decide what she wants to do in her own time. At 18, she does not have to have her life set in stone and all laid out yet. I'm 39, and my life is still changing. It changes all the time, and that is life. Sometimes it's fun, and sometimes it's not. I get the feeling that you think you guys need to have your lives all planned out. College, marriage, kids. You guys want to have kids around the same time together and they grow up the best of friends. I think lots of best friends envision that at one or another when they are young.

You also say, she is my only friend. You are getting ready to have a whole new world opened up to you at college. You will meet so many people and make new friends. Hold on to the old ones, but make new ones too. I am still friends with my two best friends from high school. But our friendships have changed and evolved over the years. I live 8 hours away now, we went through years of hurt feelings and not speaking to each other. The other two don't talk to each other anymore, but they are both still friends with me. One went through breast cancer, the other married her high school sweetheart at 19. We all have families now and our own lives but when I get back home, I make time for us to get together. The funny thing is, we all grew up in families with 3 kids, we each had a brother and sister, all three of us now have one child the same age!!! We weren't speaking to each other at the time we each got pregnant, but we were all pregnant at the same time for at least 2 months. Just a weird coincidence. We keep up with each other on Facebook and the phone. We talk on the phone 2 or 3 times a year. But both were there for me during my divorce. I also have other best friends.

Just realize you are both starting new chapters in your life. It is possible to still be friends while making new ones, and it's possible even on different career paths. If your friend decides she wants to be a nurse at some point again, college will always be there. Please do not worry about this money thing. My guess is that she is not going to end up being a surgical tech. She may start school and withdraw or may change her mind. That is common. She is just not sure what she wants to do yet, but she knows she wants to make good money. And while $50k a year is not bad money, it's not going to make you or anyone else rich. Now, if you end up in a relationship with a guy who makes around that or more and you combine them, that's a decent living. You will be amazed at how much it costs to live. I remember being excited when I got a promotion and was making $24k, then 30k a year. I thought I would be living it up. No, I wasn't. Lol.

[sunnyharbor]

Tell your friend as soon as possible. Don't wait. If you were ever friends to begin with she will understand and take responsibility for her own choices.

[nurseprnRN, BSN, RN]

Tell your friend as soon as possible. Don't wait. If you were ever friends to begin with she will understand and take responsibility for her own choices.

And if not, then what?

You --and she -- will make other friends and gradually drift apart as life unfolds. Don't fear this, it's totally normal.

[Riawahine, BSN, MSN]

Hopefully she will see a counselor at the CC and they will explain the various paths for the tech job she wants. Much luck to both of you.

[windsurfer8, BSN, RN]

If she is over 18 then she can make her own decisions. You are not responsible for other adults happiness and choices.

[johsonmichelle]

I think you should just mind your business and face YOUR studies. If nursing is truly what you want to pursue then buckle down and start foccusing in your education.