I just set my friend up

[Kaylle]

I'm going to try to make this post as short as possible...

I have a friend and we've been best friends for over 15+ years (We're both 18 now). Well, both of our future goals since HS was to become a RN and then move in together once we graduate nursing school, then later on become traveling nurses together.

But now she's saying that she doesn't want to be a nurse anymore or get her CNA license with me next summer because there are too many pre-reqs and she doesn't want to take the nursing admission exam because she's horrible at math.

So I said "Alright, what do you want to be because there's no point paying for these expensive classes and you don't know what you want to do yet". So long story short, she now wants to major into something else where you can make a lot of money with just a bachelor's degree (She wants a career that can make over 50,000+ annually).

So I recommend just about everything in the book that she could major in with a bachelors and still make a lot of money (like a biology technician). But she didn't even consider those things either.

So I looked online (more like glanced) and I found out about a Scrub Tech and told her that they can make up to 40,000 a year. Now she wants to become a scrub tech and she just forgoed her seat out of the university we're enrolled into to pursue that career at a local CC. I didn't even know she was planning on doing that rash move.

But now I honestly believe that I just set her up because what if she changes her mind again and wants to come back to the university to become a nurse again? I researched a Scrub Tech a little more and it says that an associates degree Scrub Tech can make the 40,000 annual, not the certificate one. And now she believes that.

I'm afraid to tell her that, because she'll no doubt be pissed at me for feeding her B.S and telling her that she'll make good money. But she now cannot enroll back into the university.

I feel so guilty and horrible now that I did that to her and I'm just looking for anyone to tell me how should I go about the situation now. I honestly feel like I stabbed her in the back and she's my only friend.

[nurseprnRN, BSN, RN]

Honestly, she'll probably think that I'm out trying to get her. I don't want to tell her just yet because she'll probably try to back out of the CC as well, and I don't want her to do that either and mess her up completely.

Should I just tell her when she sets up her first payment plan at the CC?

No, as in you stop dancing this dance entirely. You stop fantasizing and catastrophizing about what she thinks or might do. Listen to all these people telling you to stop taking responsibility for her.

Stop. Repeat after me: "Not my circus, not my monkeys." Stop.

[Jensmom7, BSN, RN]

No, as in you stop dancing this dance entirely. You stop fantasizing and catastrophizing about what she thinks or might do. Listen to all these people telling you to stop taking responsibility for her.

Stop. Repeat after me: "Not my circus, not my monkeys." Stop.

Ah, Grn you took the words right out of my mouth!!

[KelRN215, BSN, RN]

I'm so confused by this whole post and think mayhaps you both need to have a serious chat with the career counseling office. Her more than you.

Nursing IS a career where you make >$50,000 with a bachelor' degree. And I hate to break it to you, but in most parts of the country now, much less in 2019, $50,000 isn't that much. I made $80,000 last year and am at about the median for my area salary wise. And that was with charge nurse pay, weekend pay, some overtime (not tons like some people do), night shift differentials, and critical care differentials, and after years of experience.

Further, you can't just pick a job out of a career catalog and say, "Oh, it says here they make $70k." You have to also consider realistically what the outlook is for that job in your area, and whether that's the national average salary considering all levels of experience. Let me assure you, salaries for LA and NYC are not the same as salaries in Boise. And the career outlook for a marine biologist in Detroit ain't great. I'm not saying you're doing that- just all things to consider.

Finally, you're saying she enrolled in a community college to be a scrub tech, but you're concerned that the salary you told her was for an associates degree program and she's in a certificate program? Are you sure? Most community colleges give associates degrees.

Greentea is right in saying that this friendship likely won't be as long lasting as you anticipate. A lot of this sounds like "high school drama" and won't mean anything 6 months from now.

One last word of advice- nothing kills a friendship faster than becoming room mates.

All of this is what I thought when reading the OP. 1. Nursing IS a career where you can make > $50K with just a bachelor's degree. 2. $50K is not a lot of money by any stretch of the imagination. 3. I very much doubt that scrub techs will come out of school making $40K.

[kp1987]

Your friend should have researched scrub tech before doing it. However maybe being a scrub tech will give her an opportunity to make some money while she decides what she wants to if that is not her career of choice.

Focus on yourself and your nursing career!

[canigraduate]

1) Is this person your friend, your kid, or neither? 'Cause you're treating her like an idiotic baby who can't be trusted to make her own decisions. Are you sure you're her friend? You sure aren't acting like it.

2) Seriously, back off. OMG. It sounds almost like you're in a relationship, an abusive one, where you are the abuser trying to control her life. Stop it.

3) Let your friend make her own mistakes and learn from them. It isn't the end of the world and will help her grow into a responsible adult.

Good luck in nursing school.

[HopefulRN4]

That was mean Caringraduate! She is just a young girl,

[canigraduate]

She's eighteen, right? Why should I treat her any differently than any other adult? I respect her enough to tell it like it is, not blow smoke up her butt.

[Jensmom7, BSN, RN]

That was mean Caringraduate! She is just a young girl,

No, it wasn't mean. Probably not what OP wants to hear, but not mean.

Read the other replies, most of them say pretty much what canigraduate just said.

OP needs to back off, let her friend make her own decisions, and stop making this all about her. The best thing OP can learn from this is to say the phrase "Not my circus, not my monkeys" over and over.

[HopefulRN4]

Ain't suppose to be caring and sweet!

[BuckyBadgerRN, ASN, RN]

Yikes. You just need to worry about yourself. End of story.

[roser13, ASN, RN]

Ain't suppose to be caring and sweet!

Huh? Could you elaborate?

[Kooky Korky, BSN, RN]

I would just tell her you came across some information she might be interested in. Tell her now. Don't say anything about how it's your fault or you fear you messed her up. Let her re-apply to school if she wants to or not do so if she doesn't want to.

What else is going on in her life and yours that you are so worried about her? You seem kind of overly protective of her. Or are you afraid of losing her, or afraid to step out on your own without her, or ???

You are both at a crossroad, a time and place of decision-making, having just finished high school. It's not easy. But you will both make a choice and you will both be OK.

Best wishes to you both.