I just set my friend up

cracklingkraken, ASN, RN · Aug 7, 2015

It sounds like she (and you) are both still extremely young. She should have done thorough research before making that decision. I think that if the information you gave her was incorrect, you should correct yourself.

And I don't think you should have offered her advice in the first place. These are adult decisions, and as an adult, you should worry about your own paths. Not to mention, these kind of decisions will consume a lot of time and money. No offense intended. I've seen many of my friends change majors because of what someone else told them without doing the appropriate research. I can't help but find myself in disbelief with these sorts of situations. I can understand taking advice from older people with MORE experience, but you are both in the same stages of life, it seems.

nurseprnRN, BSN, RN · Aug 7, 2015

Way too much drama here.

1) Although we never believe it at graduation when we toss our caps in the air, 99/100 high school friendships do not last once people move/go to college/etc. You will make new friends all through your life, starting on your first day of college. You are just members of the latest HS graduating class to learn this. You will not be the last.

2) You are both adults, but you are not her parent. She, and she alone, is responsible for making the choices about what she wants to do in her life, where she goes to school, how she gets there, and what she does when she gets there. You have zero reason to feel responsible for her, and you did not "stab her in the back."

3) If she changes her mind next year and decides she wants to go to the same university you're already planning to attend, you say, "Would you like to buy some of my books from last year?"

Go to college in September, do well, succeed, be a nurse if that's what you want to work towards. You will meet a lot of folks who really want to be there when you do. :)

Kaylle · Aug 7, 2015

Honestly, she'll probably think that I'm out trying to get her. I don't want to tell her just yet because she'll probably try to back out of the CC as well, and I don't want her to do that either and mess her up completely.

Should I just tell her when she sets up her first payment plan at the CC?

blondy2061h, MSN, RN · Aug 7, 2015

I'm so confused by this whole post and think mayhaps you both need to have a serious chat with the career counseling office. Her more than you.

Nursing IS a career where you make >$50,000 with a bachelor' degree. And I hate to break it to you, but in most parts of the country now, much less in 2019, $50,000 isn't that much. I made $80,000 last year and am at about the median for my area salary wise. And that was with charge nurse pay, weekend pay, some overtime (not tons like some people do), night shift differentials, and critical care differentials, and after years of experience.

Further, you can't just pick a job out of a career catalog and say, "Oh, it says here they make $70k." You have to also consider realistically what the outlook is for that job in your area, and whether that's the national average salary considering all levels of experience. Let me assure you, salaries for LA and NYC are not the same as salaries in Boise. And the career outlook for a marine biologist in Detroit ain't great. I'm not saying you're doing that- just all things to consider.

Finally, you're saying she enrolled in a community college to be a scrub tech, but you're concerned that the salary you told her was for an associates degree program and she's in a certificate program? Are you sure? Most community colleges give associates degrees.

Greentea is right in saying that this friendship likely won't be as long lasting as you anticipate. A lot of this sounds like "high school drama" and won't mean anything 6 months from now.

One last word of advice- nothing kills a friendship faster than becoming room mates.

maxthecat · Aug 7, 2015

You are not responsible for taking care of this person. Stop trying to take care of her and her feelings. If telling her that you cannot be responsible for her schooling and career decisions ends the friendship, then it needed to end. Otherwise, neither one of you is going to grow up.

springchick1, ADN, RN · Aug 7, 2015

So I looked online (more like glanced) and I found out about a Scrub Tech and told her that they can make up to 40,000 a year. Now she wants to become a scrub tech and she just forgoed her seat out of the university we're enrolled into to pursue that career at a local CC. I didn't even know she was planning on doing that rash move.
But now I honestly believe that I just set her up because what if she changes her mind again and wants to come back to the university to become a nurse again? I researched a Scrub Tech a little more and it says that an associates degree Scrub Tech can make the 40,000 annual, not the certificate one. And now she believes that.

That's not necessarily true. It all depends on where you live. Scrubs in my area right out of school start out making $14.00 an hour. Maybe a little more. When I started out as a scrub I was making little more than that and when I graduated nursing school, I had 7 years scrub experience and I still wasn't making $40,000 a year.

You need to let your friend do her own research. And don't pick a job based on how much money you will make.

rollieschmollie · Aug 7, 2015

Firstly, its not your responsibility to be doing research for your friend's future career. That's her responsibility.

Secondly, even though you were the one who did try to help her out, SHE should've went back and researched the information further before dropping out of the current school.

Thirdly, just tell her you found out more information. Don't worry about whether or not y'all will continue to be friends. If this is the end of the friendship, then that means it has run its course. I can tell you I no longer am friends with that I was friends with in high school. Friends will come and go throughout life. Who you are today and who she is today, will NOT be who y'all are once school is over, let alone this time next year.

OCNRN63, RN · Aug 7, 2015

Honestly, she'll probably think that I'm out trying to get her. I don't want to tell her just yet because she'll probably try to back out of the CC as well, and I don't want her to do that either and mess her up completely.
Should I just tell her when she sets up her first payment plan at the CC?

I think you need to MYOB and let your friend do her own due diligence regarding her career. Seriously, are you going to be advising her and researching the internet (or whatever we have) a few years from now if she marries and wants kids?

Let her make her own career decisions, and you make yours.

Horseshoe, BSN, RN · Aug 7, 2015

I have remained very close friends with 2 of my best HS friends. Two of us roomed together in college and as young professionals. We've been there through thick and thin for decades.

HOWEVER: we've never gotten involved in giving each other career advice, we never set each other up romantically. That way, you can be there for each other if things go wrong, but you share no responsibility for it.

I would tell her you are sorry for getting involved in her professional aspirations, that you were wrong to give her career advice when you yourself don't really have the life experience to do so, and tell her you will support her as a friend no matter what she decides to do professionally. Then back off, let her make her own choices.

Most of us didn't really know for sure what we wanted to do with our lives at 18. She may work as a scrub tech, decide she wants to be a surgeon, and go to medical school! Or she may hate it and go on to be a lawyer or other professional. Don't feel the burden for her choices. You have enough on your plate just handling your own.

FolksBtrippin, BSN, RN · Aug 7, 2015

Your friend gave up her seat because she didn't want to go to nursing school. As far as what scrub techs earn, tell her what you learned, because a friend should be honest. Tell her the same way you told us. Then respect her decision. You don't run her life, even if you think you do, even if she thinks you do.

If she isn't ready for school, it's a good thing she doesn't go, because sometimes people fail out when they go before they are ready. Being a scrub tech might be a good experience until she's ready.

You didn't set her up.

roser13, ASN, RN · Aug 7, 2015

Your friend is a big girl (at least as big as you). You are not responsible for her or her choices.

You are 18. You need to focus on yourself and your choices. Support your friend and her choices, whatever they may be. They are not your responsibility.