I Hurt A Patient

[MInurse.st]

Going into hour 16 or 17 of my shift tonight, the scrub tech and I were getting the patient cleaned up on the OR table before transferring back to ICU. We turned the patient away from me, I began to clean the pt up, the tech lost grip, the pt fell off the table towards said tech, who, thankfully, broke much of the fall. But the pt did fall. The intubated, sedated, helpless pt. Literally my worst nightmare. Anesthesia was present. Pt remained intubated and as stable as he/she had been throughout the case (it was tenuous), although we lost central access at that time. 

I’ve been home for several hours now and cannot sleep, because every time I close my eyes I see what happened. I have to be back to work in a few hours, but cannot fathom trying to take care of patients when I know what I’ve done - the incompetence, the negligence, the physical harm I’ve caused. We literally had this pt’s life in our hands, and I failed him/her. It’s a special kind of incompetence where you literally drop a god damn helpless pt. I feel such shame. I was the nurse, it was my job to keep this pt safe. But I caused harm. For context, I’ve been a nurse for going in 10 years, from Med-surg to ICU, never an event like this. 

I’m not looking for sympathy, I received plenty from the physicians involved. Just looking for validation of my feelings - that I no longer deserve to be a nurse. 

[Been there,done that, ASN, RN]

First thing you need to do is call off... now.  You are in no shape to go back to work.

16 hour shifts will cause injuries and errors. You said it yourself, the tech lost their grip.

Get some REST. Analyze the root cause after.

[Wuzzie]

32 minutes ago, MInurse.st said:

Just looking for validation of my feelings - that I no longer deserve to be a nurse. 

Won't be getting that here. Having feelings is valid. Feeling you do not deserve to be a nurse isn't. You need to call you EAP immediately. 

[Davey Do]

1 hour ago, MInurse.st said:

Just looking for validation of my feelings - that I no longer deserve to be a nurse. 

I am sorry this happened.

Feelings are emotional reactions not necessarily based in reality, Mlnurse.

Reality: You're human and you will make mistakes.

Follow the advice of BTDT and Wuzzie.

 

[CrunchRN, ADN, RN]

That is horrible in all ways. I think you are exhausted and traumatized and need a few days off to recover and maybe talk to someone. It is a very unfortunate thing that happened. Need to find ways to prevent it in the future (down the road). However, it does not negate your worth as a good nurse who was doing everything they could to care for their patient. Not everything in the universe is under your control.  You must accept that.

 

[Sour Lemon]

This is not the type of thing that one person can be completely responsible for. From personal experience, I know that you probably feel like the loneliest person in the world right now, but you're not alone.

We've all been tortured by an exceptionally bad day at least a few times. Unfortunately, time is often the only "cure". There's probably not much anyone can do or say ...you just need time to work through all the bad thoughts and feelings in your head.

[Nurse SMS, MSN, RN]

Oh man. My heart hurts for you SO BAD. This was an accident. Human error, not even yours. Please, please, please seek help with EAP or a peer you trust and don't go back to work until you feel you are ready. You truly, truly deserve a break.

[JKL33]

I'm going to say it, and I mean it kindly: The self-deprecation is not appropriate.

It's really terrible. Don't do this to yourself, you don't deserve it and the things you are saying just aren't correct anyway. You are exhausted.

Everything's okay. You are okay too.

Get rest. ??

[hppygr8ful, ASN, RN, EMT-I]

Way back when I was starting as an EMT a preceptor told me "Number one rule is don't drop the patient. Number 2 rule see rule number !"

So we are walking a Guerny across a parking and I had only a light grip on the guerney as I ASSUMED my preceptor had a hold on the guerny as well. Go up a slight grade I felt the guerny slide sideways and as I turned to catch it I lost my grip on the guerney and it flipped      so that the man on the guerny ended up face down on the pavement.
 

I was mortified and considered quitting but I was encouraged by co-workers and persevered and I late became a nurse. While dropping a patient is never good what matters is if the patient suffered harm as a part of this occurance. 

Hppy

 

[Green Tea, RN]

I used to work in the OR as an RN. I have worked a long shift like you did. I have worked with barely minimum help (this is a regular occurrence especially when I was on call).
What I have learned working there was that many incidents are preventable ONLY IF SUFFICIENT STAFF ARE AVAILABLE to begin with. Please stop beating yourself up.

[amoLucia]

Repeating everyone else here - stop beating yourself up!

Many a nurse has made a med error or other and has felt like you also.

It's not like you did something deliberately.

Give yourself the time off to re-set your focus. And seek EAP for counseling and support.

 

[TXRocks]

Accidents will occur for a reason. Mostly for professional growth. I validate your feelings totally. Take some me time and regroup. I'll say a prayer for you.?