Going into hour 16 or 17 of my shift tonight, the scrub tech and I were getting the patient cleaned up on the OR table before transferring back to ICU. We turned the patient away from me, I began to clean the pt up, the tech lost grip, the pt fell off the table towards said tech, who, thankfully, broke much of the fall. But the pt did fall. The intubated, sedated, helpless pt. Literally my worst nightmare. Anesthesia was present. Pt remained intubated and as stable as he/she had been throughout the case (it was tenuous), although we lost central access at that time.
I’ve been home for several hours now and cannot sleep, because every time I close my eyes I see what happened. I have to be back to work in a few hours, but cannot fathom trying to take care of patients when I know what I’ve done - the incompetence, the negligence, the physical harm I’ve caused. We literally had this pt’s life in our hands, and I failed him/her. It’s a special kind of incompetence where you literally drop a god damn helpless pt. I feel such shame. I was the nurse, it was my job to keep this pt safe. But I caused harm. For context, I’ve been a nurse for going in 10 years, from Med-surg to ICU, never an event like this.
I’m not looking for sympathy, I received plenty from the physicians involved. Just looking for validation of my feelings - that I no longer deserve to be a nurse.
Discuss things theoretically, rather than identifying a specific adverse event. Don't self-flagellate & publicly admit to incompetence/negligence/stupidity. Things in cyberspace stay there forever and are ALWAYS retrievable by adverse parties. Assume there is no such thing as privacy. With this kind of a case, ask GENERALLY how nurses deal with error or patient issues when they feel responsible. Half the problem is our culture which expects perfection and holds individuals responsible without looking at organizational failures. We need to support each other and learn from each other but without exposing each other to liability in the process.
Alright girl take a breath. I get it. I completely get it. I was an OR nurse for 7 years before going back to school. It's DEVASTATING when anything happens in the OR because its just you. Yes, you have support from anesthesia, surgeon, and CST, but it's you. All you.
The fact that you're taking this so hard, proves how good an OR nurse you really are. This should bother you. You are the patients sole protector in that room and you let them down, but you will LEARN from this.
You will always do better for your patients from this experience. This incident does not define you as a nurse. So you lost a central line.. who cares. They weren't extubated. They didn't break anything. This was not a life or death situation. Don't be so hard on yourself. We will always be our biggest critics and I think you should be a little nicer. You're doing great. Don't let this incident ruin you.
Specializes in Medical-Surgical Nurse, Community Health Nurse.
All of us have made mistakes in the course of work. We may have hurt our patients many times but we are not brave enough to relate our experiences, or we are afraid of law suits.
In life, there are not mistakes, but lessons to learn. We learn lessons differently and from different life teachers/life experiences.
None of us nurses can say that we never made mistakes or never hurt our patients. We may not hurt them physically, but in one way or another, we may have hurt their feelings; but we move on with life anyway!
So, you are very brave and great; and you are better than most of us who are silent from what we have done. Learn from the past and move on with life, and as much as you can, never hurt any other patient again. God bless you.
EdieBrous, BSN, MSN
73 Posts
Discuss things theoretically, rather than identifying a specific adverse event. Don't self-flagellate & publicly admit to incompetence/negligence/stupidity. Things in cyberspace stay there forever and are ALWAYS retrievable by adverse parties. Assume there is no such thing as privacy. With this kind of a case, ask GENERALLY how nurses deal with error or patient issues when they feel responsible. Half the problem is our culture which expects perfection and holds individuals responsible without looking at organizational failures. We need to support each other and learn from each other but without exposing each other to liability in the process.