Just wanted to post this somewhere to rant... because I can't mention this to any coworkers...
The other day, we had a resource tech/aid on our floor, who was African american with a unique name. And while we were all sitting around the nurses station talking, I said to her "Did your momma name you xxxxxxxx", in which she replied "No my grandma did" -- the only reason I asked this question was because I was curious if the name was a birth name or nick name.
About half an hour later, she told me that she thought what I said was rude to her. She walked away and I followed a minute later and apologized (for what? I don't know, still did anyways)
Today, I found out she reported me to HR for this incident. I don't know whether I should be worried or not because I almost find this ridiculous... and at the same time, if she's playing the racist card and HR is making the decision about it, not my unit director... I could be long gone already?
It's sad that you can offend someone so easily over something so small or innocent. I'm genuinely the kindest person, always helping out and trying to make people laugh! I said this in a total non-malicious way and everyone around us was aware of that. I'm almost angry at the fact she went to HR because there is no way in heck she actually thinks I was trying to be mean!
Should I be worried? Do you find what I said completely inappropriate?It's sad that the lesson I learned is you can't talk to people you don't know I guess. I really enjoy working on my unit... I get along with all the staff so well. I'm just at loss for words right now.
Specializes in Case mgmt., rehab, (CRRN), LTC & psych.
Wait a minute.... are you suggesting the race card does not exist in this world?
I don't think this person was suggesting that the race card didn't exist. It's sometimes challenging to figure out what people are implying when they do not clearly communicate their point in the written word.
It takes a special kind of mind to point out the obvious. In this case, the race card certainly exists and is pulled whenever white privilege is challenged. "The race card" and "race baiting" are terms of condemnation that come in very handy for making people shut up, already.
I don't think this person was suggesting that the race card didn't exist. It's sometimes challenging to figure out what people are implying when they do not clearly communicate their point in the written word.
To be honest I stopped reading this thread after the first page. It was getting ridiculous. Changing her words from Your Momma to Yo mama was unfair and not what she wrote. Momma is a common way to refer to a mother in many parts of the country and to change her words to something she did not say to show the OP is potentially sounding racist is a bit too PC for my tastes, I much prefer honesty.
@ crunch berries: but apparently the OP's co-worker being honest about her experience of the OPs comment, and taking steps to fend off any further pain, doesn't count.
The PC position here is that she must ignore her own experience and either educate the OP or grin and bear it so the OP doesn't have to hear anything that might upset her. Failure to do so gets her branded as a wielder of the infamous race card.
@ crunch berries: but apparently the OP's co-worker being honest about her experience of the OPs comment, and taking steps to fend off any further pain, doesn't count.
The PC position here is that she must ignore her own experience and either educate the OP or grin and bear it so the OP doesn't have to hear anything that might upset her. Failure to do so gets her branded as a wielder of the infamous race card.
QED
**IF** this is a race card issue there is nothing honest about it. It's sheer manipulation, nothing more. Changing the OP's words to something they are not and claiming it could be a race issue is not honest.
To hell with being PC, it's time to go back to being realistic.
Example, last April Fool's Day someone on my f/b friends list *demanded* that nobody use pregnancy in an April Fools day joke because it hurt those who can't get preggers. What does that mean? If I laugh at my own shoes I am really insulting someone with no feet?
I am a wls patient, one day I referred to feeling like a cow (before I lost weight). I didn't call fat folks cows, I said ***I*** felt like a cow. Someone was totally annoyed claiming she was insulted because she too, was fat. That meant I thought she was a cow. I could go on for days with example after example and I'll bet most reasonable people can do the same.
I just don't care anymore. I don't care about being PC. I can't speak, I can't tell how *I* feel about myself without insulting someone, somewhere. So I just plain give up.
White privilege, it does not exist anymore. At one time? Darn straight it did and that was wrong. But it simply does not exist anymore. Race baiting? It's done all the time and a good example is Al Sharpton. His own race is suing him for race baiting but if ANY non black says Sharpton is race baiting we are called horrible names.
Nope, I will not ever play into this nonsense again. It's ridiculous.
AGAIN--- Changing the OPs words to something she DID NOT say or write and then claiming she might have sounded racist is insanity and childish. Not to mention simply dishonest.
Well, if white privilege didn't exist, then why all the outrage when a person of color declines to defer to it?
I remember acknowledging that the OP's coworker could well have mis-perceived the OP's intent and that the OP was simply unknowing of the cultural differences that could be at work. But the question is, whose perceptions matter? The assumption is that the coworker should discount her own perception and deny her own reaction, with all the adverse effects that has on mental health, lest she be castigated for "pulling the race card". What is that if not privilege?
Well, if white privilege didn't exist, then why all the outrage when a person of color declines to defer to it?
I remember acknowledging that the OP's coworker could well have mis-perceived the OP's intent and that the OP was simply unknowing of the cultural differences that could be at work. But the question is, whose perceptions matter? The assumption is that the coworker should discount her own perception and deny her own reaction, with all the adverse effects that has on mental health, lest she be castigated for "pulling the race card". What is that if not privilege?
It is not a matter of which person's perception matters. It is unrealistic to think every person understands every culture of everyone else.
Hey, here is a thought, the offended girl could have actually behaved as an adult and had an adult discussion with the OP. We don't even know if this is a race issue in the mind of the complaining person. An adult discussion can go a long way but in the world of PC cops the only thing that matters is jumping down the throats of others. It's a childish and non productive game and one I'm not playing.
This discussion is ridiculous, I'm outta this thread.
Specializes in Oncology; medical specialty website.
@ crunch berries: but apparently the OP's co-worker being honest about her experience of the OPs comment, and taking steps to fend off any further pain, doesn't count.
The PC position here is that she must ignore her own experience and either educate the OP or grin and bear it so the OP doesn't have to hear anything that might upset her. Failure to do so gets her branded as a wielder of the infamous race card.
QED
The PC position you keep touting is that if you are white, you are guilty of behaving in a racist manner, no matter how polite or kind you are. If you are white, you are guilty of behaving in a privileged manner. I almost feel like I should apologize every time I see/meet a black person. ("I'm sorry that I'm white!")
Perhaps when we're at work we should just self-segregate, like a PP suggested, to avoid any misunderstandings.
One thing is for sure, I am not going to walk around hanging my head in shame just because I'm Caucasian. I get the feeling that that's what you want white folks to do, heron.
Specializes in Oncology; medical specialty website.
Well, if white privilege didn't exist, then why all the outrage when a person of color declines to defer to it?
I remember acknowledging that the OP's coworker could well have mis-perceived the OP's intent and that the OP was simply unknowing of the cultural differences that could be at work. But the question is, whose perceptions matter? The assumption is that the coworker should discount her own perception and deny her own reaction, with all the adverse effects that has on mental health, lest she be castigated for "pulling the race card". What is that if not privilege?
It's being an adult. Instead of running to HR ("Mommy, Mommy, she hurt my feelings!"), she could have used it as a teachable moment. Now, HR is involved, and a nurse's job is in jeopardy. All because of a poor choice of words.
Specializes in Case mgmt., rehab, (CRRN), LTC & psych.
Race baiting? It's done all the time and a good example is Al Sharpton. His own race is suing him for race baiting but if ANY non black says Sharpton is race baiting we are called horrible names.
I should mention that fringe presidential candidate Donald Trump is another recent race-baiter due to his very public, racially prejudicial comments about non-Asian minorities.
To be honest I stopped reading this thread after the first page. It was getting ridiculous. Changing her words from Your Momma to Yo mama was unfair and not what she wrote. Momma is a common way to refer to a mother in many parts of the country and to change her words to something she did not say to show the OP is potentially sounding racist is a bit too PC for my tastes, I much prefer honesty.
I use "your mama" when referring to a person's mother frequently and I am not from the south. I have never been castigated for using that term, but then the context in which I was using the phrase was clearly, obviously, or assumingly, not something that offended the person I was talking to at the time. I thought about it and came to the conclusion that maybe people of my 'generational persuasion', (ahem, older people) may use the term in a different way than those who use it as a form of derision. I will have to rethink my use of the phrase, thanks to the prevailing thought on the matter.
TheCommuter, BSN, RN
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