I am in an absolute state of panic right now... need help

Jo Dirt · Sep 7, 2005

Thanks so much for all of the good advice. I guess my life is rather stressful; maybe not as much as some folks, but... well, here's an idea of what my life is like OUTSIDE of my job. Maybe this is why I have such a hard time handling the stresses of nursing. If it sounds like I'm whining, I'm sorry.

No need to apologize, I know exactly how you feel. I am a couple of weeks away from taking the CPNE and my common-law husband of 11 yrs. has decided he is in love with another woman and I need to sign over my half of the house to him before I get out. We never did have much of a normal loving relationship but it's still a slap in the face. I'm so stressed out I am having trouble sleeping and concentrating on anything. Not to mention I can expect no help from him financially because he is on disability.

So now I can worry about supporting myself and three children.

I'm two months late on my car payment.

I'm grossly overweight and am too depressed to worry about diet.

I have one friend and even that is not a close one.

At least you have your husband.

Feel free to pm me if you ever want to vent more.

stidget99 · Sep 7, 2005

I can relate to your stress at work. I too made what I felt to be a huge mistake (gave sodium bicarb instead of dextrose) and I really freaked out over this. I was ready to leave nursing, was afraid to go back to work, was afraid that BON would get involved, afraid that my co-workers would no longer respect me, was afraid that my family would reject me because of my inability to be "super nurse", etc etc etc. Well, ultimately the pt was okay. As it turned out she was supposed to be on IVFs w/ sodium bicarb for the whole day......so no damage done. However, that didn't minimize what I was feeling (those feelings of inadequacy). Three things really helped me

#1 The people on this board. We all know what we all go through every day that we work. We can not only sympathize but also empathize.

#2 A few select nurses at work. One even called me at home to make sure I was okay and her talking w/ me did me a world of good!

#3 I took a couple of days off of work to put things into perspective. That, in itself, was a huge help!

#4 I went in and talked to an EAP counselor. He really helped me to see how things really are, not how I perceived them to be.

I don't know what you did at work. I am wondering if you might not possibly be blowing everything out of proportion like I did. Either way, you need to take a brief sabbatical. Put things into perspective. Take a long hard look at your professional (and maybe personal) life. Ask yourself what you want and where you are going (or want to go). I also strongly urge you to talk to someone in your hospital's Employee Assistance Program. They might be able to hook you up w/ some counseling. A counselor has a way of making you see the light. S/he can't take away the stress but might just be able to help you come up w/ ways to cope with the stress.

I wish you only the best of luck in dealing w/ this situation. My heart goes out to you. It is my strong belief that everything happens for a reason. Too bad we are not privy to what those reasons are when we are going through them. Please keep in touch via this board and let us know how things are going for you.

Stacey

tencat · Sep 7, 2005

:icon_hug:

It does sound like counselling would be a good thing for you. I can understand how stressed you are. I think a talk with your husband is needed, too. Think of some specific chores he could do to help out like sweep, mop, dust, pick up stuff....then point blank tell him you NEED him to help you by doing these chores. I know sometimes it's hard to find counselling right when you need it, but talk to your employee assistance program people and see what they can do to help. Keep talking to us, too, if that helps, just to get it all out in some way that's not going to hurt you. Rest and regroup, then tackle one thing at a time (like hubby and chores). There are a lot of other things you can do besides med/surge. If there's a nursing school nearby, they always need nursing instructors. The pay isn't as good, but you get more time off of work, usually. Don't be afraid to take care of yourself.

You said you're on a diet. I know that when I have severely restricted calories in the past I have had A LOT of trouble handling stress. I don't know what kind of diet you're doing, but that might be worth looking at.

dawn1rhino · Sep 7, 2005

wow - i sympathize with your predicament. i am 3 mos. out of nursing school on a short-staffed med-surg floor so i can only imagine how the long term stresses of being over-stretched can build up -

any way you can get on one of those tv fix my house shows that sends the mom away to a spa? :)

i noticed that there was one field that no one has mentioned for you to work in...mental health...? or maybe an ortho rehab facility (you said you like ambulatory) or staff nurse at an assisted living facility.... - just a little brainstorm!

really i just wanted you to know that there is one more person out there praying for your peace. please continue to vent and verbalize with your new online friends - we would like to help!!

cast thy burden upon the lord, and he shall sustain thee - psalm55:22

USA987, MSN, RN, NP · Sep 7, 2005

RealNurseWitch...

Sorry that you are going through this.

I've read some of your other posts re: your interest in working at the health department. I, too, am leaning that direction...and I actually have an interview with them TOMORROW.

I agree with the others. Take a sick day or two, get your resume in order and put them out there. Don't quit your current position in haste. Methodically search for a new position and be selective about it. When you get an offer that sounds good to you...then quit. Since I've been looking for a new job, it has been so much easier for me not to get "roped" in to all the politics, etc. I'm not going in every day busting my butt to turn over the rooms...I am providing good, quality nursing care to my patients and assisting my coworkers as much as I can (I'm going to miss them )...neither of which the administration finds important.

As far as the situation with your husband...that's a different stress all together! My DH, too, is not very home improvement inclined. He's in the Navy so he travels a lot. One time I painted the hallway when he was gone. Now, mind you, I had been nagging him for months about doing it. Of course, when he came home he criticize my paint job. Needless to say, after I read him the riot act for an hour, he never criticized my work again!!!

Keep us posted.

gypsyatheart · Sep 7, 2005

I know how you're feeling. That overwhelmingly sick to your stomach, I can't do this another minute feeling. It's OK. Most of us have been there. You know, everything happens for a reason....maybe this "mistake" happenned as a wake up call for you. I find, if life is very stressful outside of work, the last thing I need is a stressful work environment. And Lord knows, the majority of nursing jobs are stressful. Don't beat yourself up over what happenned. Definitely take the rest of your shifts off this week. Even if it shorts you a little on your check. Putting some time and distance will help put things in perspective. Think about your options in a day or two. There are lots of ambulatory care jobs you might like. Even if you make a little less money. I know what it's like to be in a tough financial spot, but you can't keep working and living under that amount of stress, ultimately, it will take it's toll.

Comfort yourself w/the fact, that you can get out of your current job, there are options and start making plans, exploring those options. If you need/want ideas, pm me. Believe me, I have thought about or done most of 'em. :wink2:

Hang in there, life is tough, being a nurse is tough, take care of you! :kiss

Here's the deal. I HAVE to quit my job.
If I don't, I'm either going to end up:
--Getting fired
--Cracking, mentally
--Getting reported to the BON
--A combination of the above... and SOON.
The problem is that you know, I can't just run right out and get a job making what I make now. Probably not even NEAR what I make now. I am part of a family of three and I make the good majority of the money.
But, I had a horrible, horrible thing happen to a patient this morning as the result of HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE mistakes that I made during my shift.
Other than that, I don't even feel like going into what happened. My stomach is literally tied in knots right now. I can't handle moments like this anymore, I just can't. I am a med surge nurse and I feel like I can't handle the sheer responsibility any more, I can't handle making such crucial mistakes anymore and "learning" from them (which I never seem to do), I just simply cannot handle my job anymore... mentally, physically, emotionally. I am such a thin-skinned person and that's part of what makes things really hard.
I. just. can't. do. it. any. more. I can't even go back tonight. I can't face what I did, I can't face that place, I just can't face any of it.
I have to get another job. I'm panicking because it's like, I need a job, outside of the hospital, NOW. Home health or health dept, or some sort of state job, would be ideal. I'm thinking about calling my MIL and asking her to go to bat for me and see if she can get me hired with one of the health dept's (she's a head person over state health dept's).
We have lots of bills. We have a very tight budget as it is. I can't just quit, but I don't know what else to do. This isn't just a sudden thing; med surge, hospital nursing in general, has ALWAYS stressed me out to the max, and I have a hard time handling when ANYTHING goes bad during my shift. What happened this morning, *JUST* as I was about to finish and give report, was the absolute END. I can't do this anymore.
I like predictability. I like a slow pace. I like ambulatory people. I don't like stress. I don't like when things change at a spit second's notice. I'm NOT a good med-surge/hospital nurse.
But I have a responsibility, and I need to just go back to my job until I can find something else. But right now I just CAN'T. I can't face it. I know I'm weak and I know I'm running away, but... I can't do it.
I'm sorry if I'm being a huge downer to someone who's reading this and wants to be a nurse. That isn't my intention at all. There are some very very good nurses out there who are excellent at what they do, which is med-surge. I just am not one of them.
I guess I could work in a small ER if I stayed in the hospital, but I don't know any of the area ER's that are hiring, or would hire me. I'm just scared to stay in the hospital. I"m a terrible nurse. I'm thinned skinned as you-know-what, I have no common sense whatsoever. The best thing for me would be to just get out of nursing alltogether, but I CAN'T. What else will I do? I have some slight experience doing graphic design, and I have experience as a convenience store manager. That's about it.
I don't know what to do. I literally feel like I am going to crack.

unknown99, BSN, RN · Sep 7, 2005

Please visit this website, I believe it will be of significant help to you. Please do this.

http://medi-smart.com/stress-nw4.htm

Cute_CNA, CNA · Sep 7, 2005

I think you should take advantage of any resources that are in the hospital. Where I work, there's a clinical nurse specialist that is very good at just listening to people venting and talking through problems. Find out if there is anything like that where you are.

stevierae · Sep 7, 2005

Thanks so much for all of the good advice. I guess my life is rather stressful; maybe not as much as some folks, but... well, here's an idea of what my life is like OUTSIDE of my job. Maybe this is why I have such a hard time handling the stresses of nursing. If it sounds like I'm whining, I'm sorry.
--My husband does little to nothing to help out around the house. During the three day stretches of twelve hour shifts that I work, the house gets to a point where it really looks like it was never cleaned once. (I do a lot of cleaning when I'm off. I have a toddler and two four legged creatures living in the house).
--I have a toddler. Need I say more? *laughs* But seriously, she's precocious and independent spirited and REALLY likes having her way and likes to throw hellacious tantrums when not getting her way.
--I really have very few close friends to de-stress with. That sounds sad, I know, but most of the people that I ever SEE are people that I work with, and I have a strange, STRONG aversion to socializing with people at work. Maybe because work is stressful enough without bringing it home, in ANY way? I don't know. But, I have friends that I don't work with, but most of them I never see because they have busy lives, or they live far away.
--I'm overweight and on a diet, which has been mostly successful actually.
--My house is in a moderate state of unrepair, both inside and out. Again, husband has been really unwilling to be very proactive on this, though I admit I have also. Neither of us knows much either about home improvement, or landscaping.
--Finances. Again, we are always pretty tight as it is. Me quitting my job would only make it much worse, of course. We owe a LOT of people.
--Husband hurt his shoulder this summer and has been mostly off, but JUST really went back to full time.
So. *sigh* I guess considering what the rest of my life is like... yeah, maybe that's why I'm unwilling to accept the stress of my job. I mean, I think I really am unwilling to accept the responsibilities of nursing. Unless maybe something gives in the rest of my life... or maybe MORE than one somethings. =) Considering that my husband is stubborn, I don't know that I see that happening any time soon. Oh yeah, and I handle the finances. Hubby has shown in the past that he's unable to do this job.
There are nurses that I work with that have pretty cushy lives outside of nursing. Husbands that are at their beck and call and are self-motivated and make great money and do, DO for their wives. Lots of friends. Nice houses with manicured lawns. I mean, that's not to say that there certainly aren't GOOD things about my life. Really, my life is mostly HAPPY, just incredibly stressful I guess.
I really don't know... I'm sorry to get so personal but maybe you all have hit the nail on the head. Maybe I'm too stressed out ALL AROUND, and that's why I can't handle this job. I really don't know.
I do know one thing. I'm calling in for tonight, even if I have to make something up. I'll tell them my kid is sick. I don't have enough vacation time to take more than that.

Ditto the excellent suggestions of seeking help from employee assistance.

I would start keeping a paper trail--starting with a journal--of both your physical and emotional symptoms.

Go to occupational health, see the doc, share EVERYTHING with him as you have told us, and ask for a mental health referral. File a work-related stress claim---this should be covered under worker's comp/disability depending on your state law. That way you will be able to take off the time you need to recoup, recover and contemplate where to go from here, without exhausting your sick time and vacation.

On the job stress like you are describing is very real, and if you don't seek help soon, you will end up making a mistake that kills a patient, getting you fired and losing your license--and ending up with a serious case of PTSD, with no way to deal with it, as you will have lost your benefits, including health care.

Take care of yourself first--if you don't, you will be of little use to anyone, including your own family. Also see if you can get your husband into couples' counsleing with you so that he can hear, in a professional setting, from a neutral 3rd party, how overwhelmed you are and that you can't do it all alone--and how he can help.

If he won't go, go to counseling yourself--as they say, you can't change his behavior, but you can certianly change the way you deal with it.

Good luck--hope things look up for you soon.

dawn1rhino · Sep 7, 2005

Ditto the excellent suggestions of seeking help from employee assistance.
I would start keeping a paper trail--starting with a journal--of both your physical and emotional symptoms.
Go to occupational health, see the doc, share EVERYTHING with him as you have told us, and ask for a mental health referral. File a work-related stress claim---this should be covered under worker's comp/disability depending on your state law. That way you will be able to take off the time you need to recoup, recover and contemplate where to go from here, without exhausting your sick time and vacation.
On the job stress like you are describing is very real, and if you don't seek help soon, you will end up making a mistake that kills a patient, getting you fired and losing your license--and ending up with a serious case of PTSD, with no way to deal with it, as you will have lost your benefits, including health care.
Take care of yourself first--if you don't, you will be of little use to anyone, including your own family. Also see if you can get your husband into couples' counsleing with you so that he can hear, in a professional setting, from a neutral 3rd party, how overwhelmed you are and that you can't do it all alone--and how he can help.
If he won't go, go to counseling yourself--as they say, you can't change his behavior, but you can certianly change the way you deal with it.
Good luck--hope things look up for you soon.

GREAT advise to journal. Taking the time to put words to what you are feeling. Also a journal will give you the opportunity to get whatever transpired out of your mind into words without any fear of judgment or criticism. Letting it out is the first step to not letting "IT" consume you. No matter what transpired - I feel certain it was not intentional - forgive yourself for not being perfect.

In preparing to interview make a list of things (say 25) that are unique & special about you - positive good things. Don't let your mind focus only on the mistakes -

If you were not a caring, loving person you would never have sought nursing and you certainly would not be distraught over this event if you were not a person of high integrity.

Comfort Measure Rx: warm soapy bath, candles, music, pen and paper

allnurses Guide · Sep 7, 2005

*Whew!* Again, thank you for all of the good suggestions/advice.

I've already been in counseling in the past year, over stress issues. My husband gave me hell over it. I ended up going on medication and it helped a lot, but also made me tired all the time, killed my libido, and made me gain weight. I have been trying to do without the drugs for a while, and have actually done, believe it or not, okay.

I will post again later with more, but right now I have to take my little one to her grandparents. I am going to really start looking for work outside of the hospital. I do realize that the rest of my life needs work also =), and I do believe that I'm going to sit DH down and have a nice calm, heart-to-heart with him.

I have also considered mental health/psyche nursing as an option... I've considered it a LOT... but I've had doubts whether I can even handle IT. I think I would be able to handle a small psyche unit in a large hospital, than working in a large state hospital, with the "worst of the worst". I used to actually work in the psyche unit of our hospital from time to time when I was a tech, and LOVED it. Unfortunately, it's since been closed.

Again, thanks a BUNCH, all. I'll post more later.

DYatesRN · Sep 7, 2005

No need to apologize, I know exactly how you feel. I am a couple of weeks away from taking the CPNE and my common-law husband of 11 yrs. has decided he is in love with another woman and I need to sign over my half of the house to him before I get out. We never did have much of a normal loving relationship but it's still a slap in the face. I'm so stressed out I am having trouble sleeping and concentrating on anything. Not to mention I can expect no help from him financially because he is on disability.
So now I can worry about supporting myself and three children.
I'm two months late on my car payment.
I'm grossly overweight and am too depressed to worry about diet.
I have one friend and even that is not a close one.
At least you have your husband.
Feel free to pm me if you ever want to vent more.

LPN--

I hear you. I was in a similar situation back in the late 90's. Hang in there! You will pass the CPNE and once that is over you can focus on weight loss and getting a new life together. Best wishes!