The problem is that you know, I can't just run right out and get a job making what I make now. Probably not even NEAR what I make now. I am part of a family of three and I make the good majority of the money.
But, I had a horrible, horrible thing happen to a patient this morning as the result of HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE mistakes that I made during my shift.
Other than that, I don't even feel like going into what happened. My stomach is literally tied in knots right now. I can't handle moments like this anymore, I just can't. I am a med surge nurse and I feel like I can't handle the sheer responsibility any more, I can't handle making such crucial mistakes anymore and "learning" from them (which I never seem to do), I just simply cannot handle my job anymore... mentally, physically, emotionally. I am such a thin-skinned person and that's part of what makes things really hard.
I. just. can't. do. it. any. more. I can't even go back tonight. I can't face what I did, I can't face that place, I just can't face any of it.
I have to get another job. I'm panicking because it's like, I need a job, outside of the hospital, NOW. Home health or health dept, or some sort of state job, would be ideal. I'm thinking about calling my MIL and asking her to go to bat for me and see if she can get me hired with one of the health dept's (she's a head person over state health dept's).
We have lots of bills. We have a very tight budget as it is. I can't just quit, but I don't know what else to do. This isn't just a sudden thing; med surge, hospital nursing in general, has ALWAYS stressed me out to the max, and I have a hard time handling when ANYTHING goes bad during my shift. What happened this morning, *JUST* as I was about to finish and give report, was the absolute END. I can't do this anymore.
I like predictability. I like a slow pace. I like ambulatory people. I don't like stress. I don't like when things change at a spit second's notice. I'm NOT a good med-surge/hospital nurse.
But I have a responsibility, and I need to just go back to my job until I can find something else. But right now I just CAN'T. I can't face it. I know I'm weak and I know I'm running away, but... I can't do it.
I'm sorry if I'm being a huge downer to someone who's reading this and wants to be a nurse. That isn't my intention at all. There are some very very good nurses out there who are excellent at what they do, which is med-surge. I just am not one of them.
I guess I could work in a small ER if I stayed in the hospital, but I don't know any of the area ER's that are hiring, or would hire me. I'm just scared to stay in the hospital. I"m a terrible nurse. I'm thinned skinned as you-know-what, I have no common sense whatsoever. The best thing for me would be to just get out of nursing alltogether, but I CAN'T. What else will I do? I have some slight experience doing graphic design, and I have experience as a convenience store manager. That's about it.
I don't know what to do. I literally feel like I am going to crack.
I could have written this post the day before I gave my notice 10 years ago. I felt like I was going to absolutely lose my mind.
I left, and I found a terrific job as an admin asst. making almost as much as I made in nursing with a LOT more perks. Did that job for several years but found it boring. So, now I'm going to try nursing again. But if I get the feelings you describe in your post, I'm walking out. Life is too short. I'd rather work 2-3 part time jobs than to live feeling that way.
*Whew!* Again, thank you for all of the good suggestions/advice.
I've already been in counseling in the past year, over stress issues. My husband gave me hell over it. I ended up going on medication and it helped a lot, but also made me tired all the time, killed my libido, and made me gain weight. I have been trying to do without the drugs for a while, and have actually done, believe it or not, okay.
I will post again later with more, but right now I have to take my little one to her grandparents. I am going to really start looking for work outside of the hospital. I do realize that the rest of my life needs work also =), and I do believe that I'm going to sit DH down and have a nice calm, heart-to-heart with him.
I have also considered mental health/psyche nursing as an option... I've considered it a LOT... but I've had doubts whether I can even handle IT. I think I would be able to handle a small psyche unit in a large hospital, than working in a large state hospital, with the "worst of the worst". I used to actually work in the psyche unit of our hospital from time to time when I was a tech, and LOVED it. Unfortunately, it's since been closed.
Again, thanks a BUNCH, all. I'll post more later.
What did you do maybe we can learn from this, besides the suspense is killing me!!!
Specializes in OB, ortho/neuro, home care, office.
I agree with the above poster. We can learn from this, and at the same time - give you advice. Please tell us what provoked this. If it's a med error - we've all made them. Please talk to us, allow us to help you - and at the same time - help ourselves.
You have given me some inspiration in the past - reading other of your posts, please allow me to do the same for you.
Please tell what happened. I will graduate in 8 months with my RN and I am already hired on the med surg unit.people I talk to just have one thing to say "IT IS HARD" and that scares me!! Maybe I should look for a job in another part of the hospital after graduation........What do you all think??
I. just. can't. do. it. any. more. I can't even go back tonight. I can't face what I did, I can't face that place, I just can't face any of it.
I don't know what to do. I literally feel like I am going to crack.
Oh man....I was just here this week, and specifically, last night. You are not alone in your thoughts and feelings. I feel as if I am just a moment away from a terrible mistake at times.
I sure hope you are able to recover from this all. I know the recurring thoughts can be awful.
I know exactly where you are at. I am a new LVN and have been working med/surg for the past six months with 12 patients sometimes up to 14, 15 and I am about to have a breakdown. Wanted to stay at this hospital for a year while I am finishing my RN prereqs and to get experience, but not sure if I will make it either. It is the most stressful thing I have ever done and at 49 and going through menopause I don't know what I was thinking. This job has made me think maybe I cannot even be a nurse after waiting my whole life to be one. My heart goes out to you because I think I am where you are. I have major panic attacks, cry and feel like a failure when I can't handle everything at work because I am stretched so thin. If I had half the amount of patients I think I would be okay and be able to monitor them the way they deserve. My prayers and thoughts are with you sweetie.
I know exactly where you are at. I am a new LVN and have been working med/surg for the past six months with 12 patients sometimes up to 14, 15 and I am about to have a breakdown. Wanted to stay at this hospital for a year while I am finishing my RN prereqs and to get experience, but not sure if I will make it either. It is the most stressful thing I have ever done and at 49 and going through menopause I don't know what I was thinking. This job has made me think maybe I cannot even be a nurse after waiting my whole life to be one. My heart goes out to you because I think I am where you are. I have major panic attacks, cry and feel like a failure when I can't handle everything at work because I am stretched so thin. If I had half the amount of patients I think I would be okay and be able to monitor them the way they deserve. My prayers and thoughts are with you sweetie.
Considered relocating? California has mandated state ratios for med-surg nurses. I will definitely pray. I am sooo sorry you are going through this. I myself am starting to examine other areas of nursing for the future, and am trying to look carefully at my finances/savings to take care of my family. My best to you :icon_hug:
I know I am getting off subject here, but after reading these posts, I am going to seriously consider relocating to Ca. I know it will be $$, but I am very low maintenance. Also, I am a late starter, as I am in school. The good thing is I know my limits. There is no way in h*ll I could take care of 11 or 12 patients. It would not be fair to them. This country is in a mess, and I think I probably will have to relo to a state where the ratio's are lower. My mum is in her 70's in FL and I was hoping to go there but no way after some of these posts!!!!!
Specializes in Med/Surge, Psych, LTC, Home Health.
How are you doing?
Ahhh, since I made that post I have moved on and am now working in Psych. I am actually, overall, MUCH much less stressed out these days, though my job has stressors of it's own. I'm still learning the job though, and hopefully I'll find my way. After doing it for two months, I'm not 100 percent sure if I like it or not, but the people that I work with are wonderful and supportive, and that is a big help.
I'm finding that I have some internal issues of my very own that I must deal with before I'm going to be successful ANYWHERE that I go, and I've made the decision to deal with them right now instead of running off to another job again.
Please, take some time off for mental health. Most employers have an Employee assistance program. Call HR to find out if you have one. If so call them. You can explain in confidence that you are under tremendous stress and are about to loose it, Let them know this is emergent. They can and will direct you to appropriate help. It is confidential. The reason employers offer this is because they know stuff happens that can interfere with one's job and they do not want this to happen so they are willing to help.
Sometimes it stinks. Take 3 big slow breathes then Get help from someone--hopefully your manager. If you can't unburden yourself to her find an experenced nurse you like and respect. It sounds as if you are panicing. Maybe a view from outside of the picture will help you to see if your self assessment is on track and if you should find another venue.
Specializes in Community Health, Med-Surg, Home Health.
I had to take a week off and hired a cleaning crew to clean and organize my house, because the three of us; hubby, myself and my son are busy and I could not keep up since nursing school. It cost $850 but it was worth it to me to see them throw away 30 bags of mess I no longer needed. Since then, I told my family to keep it up or they will pay the next time.
Also, during that week off, I obtained a prescription for Zoloft, because my nerves were also upset. I have money issues as well, which I decided to obtain my credit report and speak to a financial counselor for help in paying some of these outstanding bills. I will read further to see if you spoke about what actually happened with your patient. One of the things that makes me angry is that nursing has become so demanding and we have no respect, that the care of the patients is suffering because of outrageous expectations of nurses that actually remove us from quality patient care.
Blessed Be to you, and take time to yourself. You really need it.
I literally feel like I am going to crack.
Elisheva
200 Posts
I could have written this post the day before I gave my notice 10 years ago. I felt like I was going to absolutely lose my mind.
I left, and I found a terrific job as an admin asst. making almost as much as I made in nursing with a LOT more perks. Did that job for several years but found it boring. So, now I'm going to try nursing again. But if I get the feelings you describe in your post, I'm walking out. Life is too short. I'd rather work 2-3 part time jobs than to live feeling that way.