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JentheRN05 RN

OB, ortho/neuro, home care, office
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JentheRN05 is a RN and specializes in OB, ortho/neuro, home care, office.


JentheRN05's Latest Activity

  1. Hi, well, I've spilled my life out on the forums. I've been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I need to know if this will stop me from getting my goal accomplished as a nurse practitioner? Do I have to disclose this to potential employers (when/if I get my NP)? Honestly all I've ever wanted to be is a nurse practitioner. Now so early in my career (as an RN) I'm now disabled (1-2 years per doctor). Once I get through the disability and get my head on straight, is it feasible to become a nurse practitioner. Please tell me if there are any bipolar NP's out there. Do you disclose? I haven't started school yet, do I have to tell them? Just want suggestions. Thanks for listening, at least this isn't as long a post as normal. :)
  2. JentheRN05

    mother dies after refusing blood transfusion

    I am NOT Jehovoas Witness or anything, but i know what it's like. I nearly coded with a a 3.4 count. I was delirious and refusing blood because of the chance of AIDS at the time (1989) Only way I survived was my mom, a nurse, came back to the hospital and stuck me. I said that was the only way I would take the blood. So they allowed it. I wouldn't be here otherwise. I was truly delirious. I kept passing out, couldn't move, terrible feeling. But I'm here 18 years later due to my mom.
  3. JentheRN05

    Having to take time off

    Well, after my much read story about my personal life. I recently had a turn of events. I'm now applying for temporary disability d/t inability to focus on what I"m doing at work. Sucks, but I don't have a choice. Doctor said 'you're in no condition to work right now' d/t mostly panic attacks at work. So now I'm being properly medicated. The mind chatter is less, so that is a plus, but short term memory went to heck when I started the new bipolar med. I'm hoping it will return soon because that's just one more reason I can't work. I truly don't want to be 'disabled' in fact it drives me nuts, I truly would rather work. But, in the condition I was in, I totally agree with the doctor. I wasn't in any condition to take care of myself, let alone someone else. So I hope I made the right decision, and I hope it isn't for too long. Anyone that knows anything about how to go about temp. disability, how long it takes and so on. Please please help me out. I'm clueless. Thanks in advance. Also - side note. I am in classes now (bipolar) and start with a therapist on Friday this week. So I am doing my best to get this under control.
  4. JentheRN05

    Hit all time low

    Well, I guess I'll see when I get there. Feel fairly normal today. Only problem I have is I didn't sleep last night, much anyway. But - on another note, it could be because of other things that kept me up past 2 and just got a second wind. Who knows. Just going to take this one day at a time. Found a 'class' for bipolar, I hope to attend. If I can do that and work it would be great. Thanks again everyone, I truly am feeling better, not sure if it's for the better or worse, but in either case not in a darn fog.
  5. JentheRN05

    Hit all time low

    Sweetie, I have done a TON of research, Julie Fast's program was one of the first things I came across, but if I hadn't I would've kissed your feet for that information. Thanks again Zoe, your a lifesaver. In more ways than one!
  6. JentheRN05

    Hit all time low

    That's why I'm going to stay on the new antidepressant and see how the combo goes, plus add on a little omega 3 and I'm ....well, I'm gonna do my best.
  7. JentheRN05

    Hit all time low

    Just a note to say another thank you. My doctor called and we talked for quite a while. He agrees and I have a diagnosis. I am bipolar. However, I plan on seeking therapy with a real psychiatrist if I can this week, just to make sure. However, I'm fairly sure already. I have done a TON of research on bipolar. With my huge fear of side effects of practically every med used for bipolar, I'm trying first a more conservative route. Ones that's been tested, (and did well I might add) for bipolar, and I also have a need for it anyway. The doc was skeptical says he'd never heard of it being used this way, but I cited several psychiatric articles and he agreed to give it a trial run. Anyway - I'll be picking up tomorrow, it's Verapamil. I know I know, but I am desperate to stay away from side effects, and my BP & Pulse is WAY out of control anyway, especially with our family history (hypertrophic cardiomyopathy - my 32 year old brother has it in a very very severe form) I have the s/s of it too, but refuse to allow anyone to diagnose me with it because I'll never get insurance. Anyway. So I'm giving this a try, worst that can happen is my blood pressure will be controlled, but I'm not. So I'll try it for a while, if I find that it's not working, then I'll go to something else. No worries I will definitely be calling a psych on Monday though, and will be seeking therapy, just no more than I'm already gonna try for now. You guys have been wonderful through this, you really have and I don't know how I can thank you. I am having a really hard time accepting this, but I know it's true, it just, well - wasn't expected/wanted but do I have a choice? I guess not. SO the only thing left to do is d-e-a-l. So that's what I plan to do. ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) and thanks again so much.
  8. JentheRN05

    Hit all time low

    Thank you - in this post, you hit it on the head. My point number 3 of my original post ( lucky I didn't end up on the streets) was because of the times I was 'supposed' to be taking care of the budget, and then spent enormous amounts of money on stupid little things that weren't needed. My husband took over the budget officially in Feb of this year. I'm guessing I had probably been maybe hypomanic before that, just spending lots of money, no major episodes with craziness that I can think of beyond spending money we didn't have, and our house was about to be foreclosed because of it. Never gambled though, thank goodness, biggest gambling I do is play bingo online. Yet another hit on the head. Thinking back, I had considered suicide on more than one occasion when I was depressed. I remember numerous times, driving down the road, swearing someone was whispering in my ear, 'just cross the yellow line, your pain will be over' I cannot believe I thought about things like that. I most certainly did though. Sad but true. I must say again. I do not feel the urge to harm myself right now. Right now, I just want to get better. Still waiting on a call, but on Monday, I will be making a call of my own, whether or not the doctor calls today, to get some counseling. Which I obviously needed. I can think of one obviously manic phase when I was married to my first husband. I was sleeping with anyone that was male and had anything between their legs. I always thought it was some screwed up problem I had related to being molested and raped repeatedly when I was 4-5 years old by a b@s!ard that lived across the street (actually I now live exactly across the street from where it happened those 2 years). I can't remember the count, but it was more than 10 guys in a 3 month period . Mind you all while I was married, it was back when I was doing drugs and drinking. I was neglectful of my son as well. Not to any extreme thank goodness, but I didn't give him the attention he should've had at 2. So anyway - that was when I was 19-20 years old. Seems like forever ago. That's my plan for Monday, I'm going to get ahold of a local chapter of anyone that will help me. I have a web page saved. I sent a copy of my original post to Indiana NAMI and I'm hoping to hear back how they can help, and if they can help. I have been driving my husband crazy with begging him to do some reading on it. I think he will, and when he does he will be more supportive (not that he hasn't been, he just doesn't understand it. I have 'educated him' but I think he needs to see it in writing. Also, I think I have figured out my 'mania' times. Thinking back, most of them were in the late fall (Nov) through early Feb. So knowing that, I hope will help. I just need to get going on something soon, so it can take hold before then. T I am also planning on doing all this on Monday. My bigger concern is how on earth are we going to survive on only my husbands income. I am certain he thinks, 'as soon as she gets diagnosed, gets meds, we'll be back in business, she can go back to work immediately' I'm not so sure this is true. Great idea. I will start that soon. I used to journal when I was younger, I hope I can pick it back up again. Thank you so much for this. I wish I had you here so I could hug you. I needed to hear that. Thank you so very much.
  9. JentheRN05

    Hit all time low

    Just to let you know - alcohol was a problem many many years ago (as was drugs) I've spilled my guts already, what difference does it make if I drank alot 20+ years ago or did drugs. Again, I think this was during a 'manic' phase. MUST MAKE SURE I CLARIFY. I no longer drink or do ANY drugs that are not prescribed by a doctor (just for the record). I do appreciate you sharing that bit of info though, maybe someone else will read that as well and learn from what you said. Thank you again.
  10. JentheRN05

    Hit all time low

    Just wanted to let you know, I am STILL waiting. I called 3 times today. He's supposed to be in the office tomorrow. I want to thank each and every one of you. It really does mean alot. I appreciate all your words, guidance, suggestions, websites....everything really. One way or the other, come monday morning, I'm making calls and finding someone to do therapy. Welcome to keep thoughts coming while I'm waiting. It is just nice to know ya'll care. Thanks
  11. JentheRN05

    Hit all time low

    I've been on Allnurses for ...well I don't remember how long. I'm sure it says somewhere but I don't have the urge to look for it. I've come to this board time and time again for advice. Everyone has always been supportive and kind. I have been through countless jobs since becoming a nurse. Each one ending up in disaster. Nothing life threatening (for the patients anyway) or license threatening. Yet I find myself repeatedly in the same situation. Feeling out of control, out of my realm, that others are insane, that the workload is crazy, that .... heck everyone else is a problem. Suddenly, most recently, I had a mind-blowing discovery about myself. Well, I shouldn't say suddenly, it was coming on for months, yet I still didn't recognize it, nor made any move to correct it. One word. DEPRESSION. It hit me like a freight train about a month or so ago. I didn't get out of bed for 3 days, ended up having an ulcer, getting treated for said ulcer, quitting yet another job, and getting yet another one. The most recent one had me out of the house the entire time my family was home. Now, suffice it to say, I have been clinically depressed for 13 years now. Went through several medications (antidepressants) and after a couple of years on each, they just seem to quit working, and I go into a major depression, get into the doctor, get meds changed, and go on with life. Great scenerio, it worked for 13 years, so whats changed now? I went into work last week Wednesday, in my scrubs with a statement typed up of problems I was having on orientation on my new job. Lack of 'actual' orientation. In all honesty, I have done that same exact thing in half the jobs I quit. I have built up a reputation for myself in my area, which makes it extremely hard to find a job. In either case, went into work last wed with note in hand, and had a complete meltdown trying to talk to my DON. I said, "I think I need to get my head together, I'll call you next week" only briefly talking about the issues I had planned to talk about and basically left it at that. I talked to her that Friday (picking up my check) She said to call us back when your feeling better. So I hope that means I'll actually have a job to go back to, because I have burnt every single bridge from here to there and everywhere inbetween. Then, last weekend was my birthday, my parents were set to come down, I had to clean the house (which had been terribly neglected for who knows how long. As I was cleaning, I took a break and got on the computer. I did a google search for severe depression. Anyone ever do that? It comes up with more links to Bi-polar than 'depression'. That got me thinking, reading, doing tests. I realized that I have had major manic phases. Severe ones that I'm 1. lucky to have lived through, 2. lucky to still have a family through, and 3. lucky to not be living on the street. For years I've brushed off these 'episodes' as I just flipped out. Everyone does it from time to time right? BUT do you know of anyone that does it for 3 months straight? Who feels completely out of control and cannot think, not sleeping, rarely eating (lost 65#s) and inviting people you don't know, from another country to come and live with your family (with the impression 'I" was unhappy in my marriage). Which the unhappiness in my marriage was in itself untrue. BUT I wasn't getting the attention I used to. So I turned to the internet, where I got all the attention I needed plus some. So I invited this man to come live with us (my husband, children and myself) thinking it would sort itself out. WHAT IN THE WORLD???!!! Who would think like that? All these years (it's been at least 8) I thought I just was 'addicted to the internet' and that 'I just flipped out for a while' I'm normal right? Other people do this too right? I spent, all 8 years living with what I did to my family. Yes we're still together, I one day realized what a mistake I had made and sent him back home to his country. Life moved on, however with quite a bit of difficulty. Well..... with that story in mind, it occurred to me (after reading a lot about bipolar on the net) that geez, I've done stupid stuff like that on and off since I was 14 years old! I can think of at least 6 instances where I completely went off the deep end, and doing things that NORMAL people don't do. Yet turning around and looking at these instances like, no biggie. I'm mortified by my actions after I do them, but during the time, it seems perfectly reasonable. These periods of oddness usually happened for minimum of 3 weeks, usually lasting up to 6 months, where, during this time, I feel absolutely happy, very sure of myself, confident and most assuredly NORMAL. Yet by and large, I was FAR from normal. Now, I'm in a very VERY low state of depression, to the point I have considered suicide (no I'm not suicidal anymore). I did at the time, have a plan, had the means. You name it I had it, yet didn't have the energy to do it (Thank god). What's funny is, the first time I was 'manic' I was actually put in a mental institution. My parents did it when I was 14 to keep me away from my 18 year old boyfriend (who I was about to run away to Mexico with at the time). During my time in the mental institution, I was never labeled anything but a genius (did a darn IQ test on me). So after I was released, I secretly keep seeing this 'boyfriend' for a while, then started getting together with a lot of guys (so to speak). I didn't get treatment, I didn't get help, and I was never diagnosed. First time seeking help was when my second husband cheated on me. I was at my wits end, couldn't focus, was deeply in mourning (for our relationship) and didn't know where else to turn. Went to a family doctor, was given Buspar. Which was brand new at the time. It worked for a few weeks, then nothing, went back and was given prozac. On to my life on antidepressants. SO - I've been through 2 or 3 doctors since I had my first child (at 18) and all of them diagnosed me with severe depression. So I've been treated, and treated and treated, when in the end, each time ends up with a 'manic' or 'hypomanic' episode (this is another thing that JUST occurred to me). Of course, after reading, when your 'manic' you don't feel like anything is wrong. In fact, everything is awesome. So until you have another meltdown (depression) then your fine. So in essence I have been likely riding the Bipolar roller coaster of doom since I was 14 years old. Do I have a confirmed diagnosis of this yet? No But I have been to the doctor (a new doctor - my old one is getting senile). The doctor said, well, it sounds like bipolar to me, but I need to talk to our NP because she's seems to have a niche for Psych. I told him, great, please do and soon, I don't know how much more I can do this. On came the "are you suicidal?" questions and so on. That was THIS Wednesday. Still no word from the doctor. He did however switch my antidepressant (yet again) and I'm still waiting on word of what the NP said. I'm giving it another hour and then I'm calling the office. I have so many times thought of others as being bipolar, but NEVER once did I look at myself and my insane actions! On top of the glaring fact that my dad is bipolar (untreated) and my paternal grandmother was bipolar (untreated) both diagnosed though. What other idea could I possibly get? What took me so long to figure this out? What doesn't help a darn thing is, I DO NOT HAVE HEALTH INSURANCE!!! So I made sure that was clear to the 'new' doctor and that I can't afford multiple visits since I can't work in the state of mind I'm in. So I don't know. I'm scared to death that I'm going to go 'manic' again after this new med change. However, I have tried to get off antidepressants countless times in the past, only to end up a blithering idiot back at the doctors office 2-3 weeks later (maybe more), begging for help. Then, back to the same old routine, absolutely AWESOME for a while (manic) then hitting rock bottom (depression) then repeat. I'm sure there is some normal times in my life, somewhere, some time. But for now my future looks horrible. I don't know what I want to get across from posting this. Maybe it's a vent, maybe it's a private (well now public) therapy. I don't know. Maybe I want advice, but I'm not sure what about. I just feel absolutely hopeless right now, and feel as though I have no where to go, no way to get there, and I just want, more than anything else, to FEEL again. I cannot think clearly right now, can't focus. I feel like a puppet in someone elses horrible rendition of my life. Like I have NO control, no future. Again, I'm no longer suicidal (seem to be past that). I clearly need help, I have tried to get it. Tried first to get it at a local community action program which supposedly goes on income, and well....I couldn't afford the 'first' appointment. So, that's when I decided I need to find a new doctor. Found one that was suggested by the nurse at my old doctors and tried to get help. He seemed concerned, and I know he's 'conservative' in treatment. But why haven't I heard back from him? I can't afford to make another appointment to see someone else. I am NOT religious, so talking to a pastor is out. My family, well...as supportive as they are, they DO NOT understand what I'm feeling, and just tell me to 'snap out of it' or 'go back to work, keep yourself busy'. That's what sent me this direction in the first darn place. What do I do now? Besides call the doctor in a ½ hour? I just hope he has an answer for me. I cannot keep going like this. I'm so sorry this is so long, it's all built up on me for so many years, and none of it made sense until now. And NOW no one is listening to me. I feel like that girl in the movie "Titanic" I'm standing in a room full of people screaming at the top of my lungs, yet no one is hearing me. I guess that's all for now. There's so much more I could explain, could go into detail about, yet I'm sure by now you get the gist of it all. So it would be pointless. Thanks for reading this.
  12. JentheRN05

    LPN's just glorified nurse aids in LTC? Huh?

    That sickens me to think people think that way. If it weren't for LPNs our nursing homes wouldn't have the necessary help to function. Some of the best nurses I've met have been LPNs (and I never knew they were an LPN) and some of the worst nurses (met one recently) are ones that have their masters!! This particular one, (remember I'm new on orientation) every time I forgot to do something (like a treatment) she'd tell me, 'oh don't worry about it, that's why I come in early' only to find out from other nurses that it wasn't ever done, and I'm the one signing my name (because I'm new, naive, and can't imagine a nurse flat out lying like that!!!). So don't believe all that you hear, and those alphabet soup of letters behind their names doesn't mean much, it's what you see, and know that makes a true nurse. One that (as my motto always says) treats every patients as a beloved, even if they are aggressive, family member. I've soothed the meanest of the mean alzheimers patients, by using loving words. When she sees me now, there isn't that automatic look of hatred. She still fights blood sugar checks, but only half heartedly with me, and as long as I tell her how much I care, and am trying to help. She always calms down. She will only take her meds from me, I've only been there a week. So go figure. K - I've rambled off topic. But the point is, don't believe everything you hear. Judge for yourself what stock to put in others theories.
  13. Okay - I have hated every job I have had since nursing school. Various reasons, all having to do with my own personal issues. So I realize I have a problem. Well anyway - now I'm at a LTC on my second week (actually day 5 of working there) on a 3-11 shift. I HATE it. I never see my family. I get up with them in the morning and see them for about 30 min (max) and come home well after they are asleep. Anyone have any suggestions on how to ask for maybe Baylor nursing schedule instead, tactfully speaking? Since I've only been here a short while, I'm stressing on how to go about this, but I can't stand not seeing my family. I will end up quitting. I like the job, just hate the shift. So if somehow I could just get past the shift issues I think I'd like this job. Just need some help, I WANT to bring this up today so that I can get them thinking about how to change me. I don't want to be 3-11 much longer or like I said, I'll end up quitting yet another job (I think this will be number 6 in 2.5 years) I'm sick of feeling like a failure and would like to be at a job for a long period for once. This seems like a job I would like, just the hours suck so bad. Sorry if I come off as a failure, I feel like a failure. I am frustrated with myself, and I am afraid my expectations are too high. But I can't work miserable. I've already had one nervous breakdown. I've got a major heart condition, so I can't handle alot of stress. I've already had at LEAST 3 heart attacks (I turn 36 in 5 days). I just need help, I realize, with me quitting so many jobs, it's obviously ME that is the problem. I just need help. I don't know what else to do. Thanks for your input in advance, and I understand I'm going to get alot of 'suck it ups' however, I can't do that. Even on blood pressure meds, when I'm stressed my bp gets alarmingly high and I will end up dead (one of these times). Sorry for ranting, just don't know where I should go with this. I love taking care of patients, I love educating patients. Unfortunately there are no jobs like that. That is where I would be best. Education, maybe nursing school, or patient educator. But again, no jobs like that available. HELP? Please:o
  14. JentheRN05

    Thinking of LTC

    One thing I did was make a list of all the questions I needed answered before I accepted a job in LTC/NH. Here's the list: Pay? Pay during orientation (is it the same as normal pay?) How long is orientation (mine said 10 days - which is NO way long enough - I was told 30 days should be what to expect - and that was by another nurse in the same facility - so I'm gonna ask for more orientation) How many aides per nurse on each shift? Insurance - if you need it Do patients have alot of treatments? If so - how much can aides assist with? Are there going to be any other RNs on my shift or will I be the only one (thus becoming a charge nurse)? Will I EVER be responsible for ALL the patients in the building? Is there ever call? (ya know - being on call, if they call you have to go?) Do we alternate holidays? How many weekends a month are required? Are they flexible with school? (I am going back for my masters starting this month) Those are just the questions that were pertinent to myself. hope they help you out in some small way. Good luck - so far I HATE my shift. I'm thinking of asking about a Baylor shift. I've only been there 5 days so far, 3-11 and I miss my family so much. Wish I could work another shift, or baylor so I only have to work 3 days or so a week instead of 5. Any suggestions on how to bring this up tactfully since I've only been there a few days (didn't realize how much I'd hate this shift until I started it)
  15. JentheRN05

    Report sheets

    I just made one up on Saturday. I start at a LTC tonight. SO please give me your thoughts on changes. Let me know what you think. Do I need to add/delete anything? Thanks all. If it is usable, please feel free to use it. ltc double sided.pdf
  16. JentheRN05

    Uniforms and your appearance

    Well - I'm speaking for myself here, (please don't flame me). I don't wear tacky high cut or low cut tops (not intentionally, some times when I have things tailored, then they end up a little big). I have big breasts, no if ands or buts about it. So all of my tops are usually bigger around the top and too long. Not much I can do, because it's the way they are made (otherwise they don't fit), and I can't afford to always have my tops tailor made. I dye my hair unusual colors (currently bleach blond with burgundy underneath), and I have my nose pierced (usually wear a hideit nose ring though). I do not know how to iron, grew up with a nurse who never ironed her clothes, we still look neat. It's your personality that counts, what people see on the outside doesn't show the quality of the person on the inside. Sometimes I like to bring the personality through to the outside. People see me as a friendly likable person. If you were to ask any of my patients, (at any point) they would all tell you so. You do not have to dress the part to play the part. I believe that you are who you show you are, not what you wear or how you wear it. I don't agree with 20 somethings showing belly rings at work (I have one - don't show it), I don't agree with low cut pants or tops (not in a longshot), but I do believe in showing your personality.