I am in an absolute state of panic right now... need help

[NurseCard]

Here's the deal. I HAVE to quit my job.

If I don't, I'm either going to end up:

--Getting fired

--Cracking, mentally

--Getting reported to the BON

--A combination of the above... and SOON.

The problem is that you know, I can't just run right out and get a job making what I make now. Probably not even NEAR what I make now. I am part of a family of three and I make the good majority of the money.

But, I had a horrible, horrible thing happen to a patient this morning as the result of HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE mistakes that I made during my shift.

Other than that, I don't even feel like going into what happened. My stomach is literally tied in knots right now. I can't handle moments like this anymore, I just can't. I am a med surge nurse and I feel like I can't handle the sheer responsibility any more, I can't handle making such crucial mistakes anymore and "learning" from them (which I never seem to do), I just simply cannot handle my job anymore... mentally, physically, emotionally. I am such a thin-skinned person and that's part of what makes things really hard.

I. just. can't. do. it. any. more. I can't even go back tonight. I can't face what I did, I can't face that place, I just can't face any of it.

I have to get another job. I'm panicking because it's like, I need a job, outside of the hospital, NOW. Home health or health dept, or some sort of state job, would be ideal. I'm thinking about calling my MIL and asking her to go to bat for me and see if she can get me hired with one of the health dept's (she's a head person over state health dept's).

We have lots of bills. We have a very tight budget as it is. I can't just quit, but I don't know what else to do. This isn't just a sudden thing; med surge, hospital nursing in general, has ALWAYS stressed me out to the max, and I have a hard time handling when ANYTHING goes bad during my shift. What happened this morning, *JUST* as I was about to finish and give report, was the absolute END. I can't do this anymore.

I like predictability. I like a slow pace. I like ambulatory people. I don't like stress. I don't like when things change at a spit second's notice. I'm NOT a good med-surge/hospital nurse.

But I have a responsibility, and I need to just go back to my job until I can find something else. But right now I just CAN'T. I can't face it. I know I'm weak and I know I'm running away, but... I can't do it.

I'm sorry if I'm being a huge downer to someone who's reading this and wants to be a nurse. That isn't my intention at all. There are some very very good nurses out there who are excellent at what they do, which is med-surge. I just am not one of them.

I guess I could work in a small ER if I stayed in the hospital, but I don't know any of the area ER's that are hiring, or would hire me. I'm just scared to stay in the hospital. I"m a terrible nurse. I'm thinned skinned as you-know-what, I have no common sense whatsoever. The best thing for me would be to just get out of nursing alltogether, but I CAN'T. What else will I do? I have some slight experience doing graphic design, and I have experience as a convenience store manager. That's about it.

I don't know what to do. I literally feel like I am going to crack.

[JBudd, MSN]

Umm, this thread is from fall 2006......

[Shantas]

Ahhh, since I made that post I have moved on and am now working in Psych. I am actually, overall, MUCH much less stressed out these days, though my job has stressors of it's own. I'm still learning the job though, and hopefully I'll find my way. After doing it for two months, I'm not 100 percent sure if I like it or not, but the people that I work with are wonderful and supportive, and that is a big help.

I'm finding that I have some internal issues of my very own that I must deal with before I'm going to be successful ANYWHERE that I go, and I've made the decision to deal with them right now instead of running off to another job again.

I was happy to hear that things are working out a bit better for you. Trust me you are not alone in regards to getting stressed out and feeling depressed at times. I am sure there are many of us here have experienced some sort of down moments sometimes in our lives.

So please dont give up hope. You are not alone. Life is mean and unfair sometimes, but we have to try to stay positive. Specially because we are not only nurses but also mothers. We have to stay focus for our beloved children....I hope things will get better and better for you each and everyday:)

[Weeping Willow]

Hi, RealNurseWitch, I hope you are doing better. I'm glad you switched to an area that's better for you and hope it works out long term. It is not the safest area but it is probably slower than MedSurg. Maybe you want to continue to try to work outside the hospital, although the pay is probably a concern if you do that.

I hope it is going better with your husband and that he is pitching in more at home. I know how that is. Mine is wonderful but for being sort of sloppy. I have pretty mcuh given up trying to get him to do things the way I like and I do feel frustrated about that. I have to remember, though, that I am also not 100000% pleasing to him, either, and that we do complement each other quite well in most areas. I guess we have to take the bitter with the sweet in life. Doesn't mean it's always easy, though.

Hey, do well, Sister, and blessings to you.

[Weeping Willow]

wow...you've gotten a lot of great advice so far, but may i say that you could stand some counseling, too. the fact that your husband is "stubborn" doesn't quite cut it, huh? unless you've made it abundantly and crystal clear that he *must* help out around the house, you are perpetuating this problem. have you explained to him that your stress level is reaching mammoth proportions? that you are on the verge of quitting? i'm not saying to tell him that its all his fault, but he may provide a great resource of support that you didn't know you had. he may be blissfully unaware of your problems. get some rest, please, and take one problem at a time. time off, rest, financial counseling, psychotherapy, career counseling, whatever it takes. keep talking to us, ok?

telling a husband or anyone else something does not always mean they are going to be able or willing to do what we ask of them, even when put the way you suggest. i know this from experience. perpetuating it? yes, i guess so. the alternative, though, is divorce, separation, which is also not so desirable. what to do? rock and hard place. yes, hopefully, he is just unaware and will help her when informed.

[SuesquatchRN, BSN, RN]

the op is still around and this thread is from 2005. i'm sure things have been resolved.

[NurseCard, ADN]

Hello folks...

That post is now well over two years old. Since that time I have really come a long way.

In July of 2006 I left that job and went to a psychiatric hospital. While psych nursing did not exactly turn out to be my niche like I thought it might be.... something about my experience working there really helped my nursing career. I learned a lot about communicating with others... coworkers, doctors, patients... and I did grow a "thicker skin", I guess you could say. Plus, I actually found that I really missed using my nursing skills. I actually kinda missed Med/Surge!

Sooooo... I worked there for a year... enjoyed the staff there, enjoyed the more laid back environment... but missed using my skills and missed running around and being on my feet (in psych, I sat about 85% of the time). Plus there were other issues as well that caused me to leave, but those are an issue separate from the actual nursing job.

Now I'm back in Med/Surge, in a different hospital from the one where I worked before. The strange thing is that this job is actually quite a bit harder and more stressful than my first Med/Surge job. Slightly larger hospital, busier... working on a floor with VERY sick patients. It's been VERY hard at times and there have been times when I have wanted to bolt, right back to the psych hospital.

Right now though, I am driven to be a successful nurse and to actually make a difference in people's lives, and to try to make their hospital stays as comfortable as possible. I'm driven to be a good nurse. When I made this post.... well, let's just say this. When I first started nursing, it was just a job to me... it was a job that I had found myself in, and I really wasn't sure that I liked it. I didn't identify myself as a nurse. I wanted to be doing something else. Getting away from there... getting away from Med/Surge for a while... I don't know... somehow it all really made a HUGE difference.

Now I *AM* a nurse! I may be other things too... I'm a mother, I'm an artist, I want to learn to play the drums, I want to travel, I love college sports, I love music, I love tinkering with my MySpace page (HA!), and I love doing things outdoors. But... still, I'm finally comfortable identifying myself as a nurse.... and I feel GOOD about it! And I'm thinking about how much I'll look back on all of these years that I"m spending as a nurse, and all of the experiences that I'm having, and I'm thinking about how proud I'm gonna be. :)

[MrsCannibal]

You DO sound like you have come far in the past two years; good for you!

[trese]

I can understand your stress. This past week I had a patient that threw a clot and may have had a bowel obstruction, which went unnoticed. I acted like a new nurse and treated the symptoms and not the problem. I am so heart broken that I can barely stand it. This was a surgical patient who had a DVT in both legs, had had a huge BM in the am but stomach was still distended and he continued to say he needed to have enema to help with BM (I tried but he was confused with phenergan given for nausea), no signs of PE accept for the sudden death. He was only 41 years old. I had him the equivalent of 9 hours and he had been there for a week. I have such guilt about him maybe having a bowel obstruction and me missing the signs, I cannot stop thinking about how bad of a nurse that I must be. I know that I am not God, but I went into this profession to be a help not a hindrance. I'm heartbroken and sad over a situation that I and everyone else missed.

[kukukajoo, LPN]

No need to apologize, I know exactly how you feel. I am a couple of weeks away from taking the CPNE and my common-law husband of 11 yrs. has decided he is in love with another woman and I need to sign over my half of the house to him before I get out. We never did have much of a normal loving relationship but it's still a slap in the face. I'm so stressed out I am having trouble sleeping and concentrating on anything. Not to mention I can expect no help from him financially because he is on disability.

So now I can worry about supporting myself and three children.

I'm two months late on my car payment.

I'm grossly overweight and am too depressed to worry about diet.

I have one friend and even that is not a close one.

At least you have your husband.

Feel free to pm me if you ever want to vent more.

If he is on disability the kids should each get a check from SSA.

[UM Review RN, ASN, RN]

I can understand your stress. This past week I had a patient that threw a clot and may have had a bowel obstruction, which went unnoticed. I acted like a new nurse and treated the symptoms and not the problem. I am so heart broken that I can barely stand it. This was a surgical patient who had a DVT in both legs, had had a huge BM in the am but stomach was still distended and he continued to say he needed to have enema to help with BM (I tried but he was confused with phenergan given for nausea), no signs of PE accept for the sudden death. He was only 41 years old. I had him the equivalent of 9 hours and he had been there for a week. I have such guilt about him maybe having a bowel obstruction and me missing the signs, I cannot stop thinking about how bad of a nurse that I must be. I know that I am not God, but I went into this profession to be a help not a hindrance. I'm heartbroken and sad over a situation that I and everyone else missed.

I'm very sorry to hear about your stress over this situation. Sometimes patients die, despite all we can do.

I'm sure you did the best you knew how for that patient. Whenever something goes wrong with one of my patients, I learn from it. I learn as much as I can, and then I am prepared for the next patient who might have the same types of problems.

Please, if your employer has an EAP (Employeee Assistance Program), it might be worth your while to try to talk about this problem with a professional.

[coltsgrl]

I feel your pain....I am sorry to hear what your are going through. Take your break, regroup and if I may give one piece of advice. We teach people how to treat us. Stop letting your husband do nothing. Easier than it sounds, once you do it! Congrats on the diet! (always a silver lining!!!) Now smile, relax and do what's best for YOU! even if just for a moment. Good luck with everything

:monkeydance:and here's a dancing monkey to make you happy ha ha

[polish nurse]

Hang in there. Don't go to an ER. I have been there and actually hate being a nurse. I used to love it, but the stress and overwork just grew and grew. Are you being too hard on yourself? I have tried to look for something non nursing but it's hard to get a decent salary. I have different stressors-divorced, self supporting. I'm right now living on unemployment. For me the breaking point was being in adminstration and realizing I could not continue and be an ethical person. You need to destress. I agree with everything people are telling you. Is there perhaps a community clinic where you can vent to a therapist or even a hotline? What has become of nursing when waitresses make more than a nurse? Good luck and stay in touch.