I started my CNA class this week (it is required for acceptance into nursing school here). I was telling him about the different things I'll be doing as a CNA and then as a nurse. He became upset when I talked about bathing people.
My husband is concerned that I will be touching other men to bathe them. I tried to explain that it's just a bath, kind of like bathing a child, nothing sexual, but he's still concerned.
Now, he hasn't gotten angry or tried to talk me out of nursing, but he still isn't comfortable with me touching other men. Any suggestions on how to ease his mind?
Well, tell him from a male RNs point of view, that there is NOTHING sexual about it. Usually, a patient who needs me to help wash him is confused or not quite sure about what's going on....and there is NOTHING sexual about it. If it's a middle aged woman or man or someone who is still with it and can reach...I'll set up the water and the soap and give them privacy....
We don't bathe EVERYONE...just those who can't help themselves..
Specializes in LTC/SNF, Psychiatric, Pharmaceutical.
Thanks to all who are concerned for my safety, buy let me ease your minds, my husband is in no way an abusive or controlling man. We have lived together 5 years, been married 3. He has never even come close to hitting me, doesn't even use put-downs towards me.
My husband has been very supportive when it comes to my pursuing nursing as a career. He is human, though, and has some discomfort with the thought of me touching any other man, be it a man covered in poop or not! I just think it's a "territory" thing, you know?
I only wanted to know if anyone else had experienced this and get suggestions on how to ease his mind.
By the way, this probably has to do a little with maturity .... we're only 24, so he's still got some growin' up to do!
That last line is probably 90% of your problem: TIME. Unfortunately, time is a pain in the rear end.
If your husband is the man you say he is, this will resolve out and he will be very proud of you before long.
If you have any texts from CNA or nursing classes, you might invite him to look at them with you, to give him an idea of what a workday is like for you.
At first, I thought it sounded like a control issue. However, I changed my mind after going back and reading the post again. It just says that he is uncomfortable, but not that he was angry, or talking her out of it. Also, he may be concerned for his wife and not so much a jealousy issue. I don't think this is a case to hit the panic button for a possible abuse situation. Some men are just a little clueless. When my BIL was in hospital, he called my sister everytime he had to pee, so she could hold the urinal. He was embarrased to have female nurses help him and too homophobic to let a male nurse help him.
I posted only because of my personal similar situation that I went through. In my situation, because of that and other problems, the marriage did not work out. I was young, immature and thought I would be nothing at all without him....boy was I wrong.
To the OP, this thread is a good gauge of the response that you might get from some of your classmates if you confide in one of them about your husband's discomfort. It's a good thing you brought the issue here, where you are anonymous!
Sheesh, people, get a grip. I'm sorry that some of you have had those life experiences, but these experiences are the extremes, not the norm. A tad bit of jumping the gun going on.....
I figured what the OP clarified, that her hubby is a young dude. Young dudes often have 'unrealistic' ideas of what nurses do in a REAL world setting. He'll get used to it.
I posted only because of my personal similar situation that I went through. In my situation, because of that and other problems, the marriage did not work out. I was young, immature and thought I would be nothing at all without him....boy was I wrong.
yeah, i think we all get stuck viewing the issues of others through our own glasses, and if they've been smudged by abuse, then it's even harder to see clearly. Maybe we can try to all expect the best from others unless it is being spelled out. Your motives were out of care for her, and that is great.
At first, I thought it sounded like a control issue. However, I changed my mind after going back and reading the post again. It just says that he is uncomfortable, but not that he was angry, or talking her out of it. Also, he may be concerned for his wife and not so much a jealousy issue. I don't think this is a case to hit the panic button for a possible abuse situation. Some men are just a little clueless. When my BIL was in hospital, he called my sister everytime he had to pee, so she could hold the urinal. He was embarrased to have female nurses help him and too homophobic to let a male nurse help him.
Some men are very self-conscious about their private members for various reasons. It doesn't mean that they are 'homophobic' necessarily.
You are both very young and I think as such he's just a little insecure and ignorant to the facts here. And trust me this happens at times with older men too. We are seen as a sexy profession by many. They think we wear short skirts and give baths like those they've seen on Seinfeld. lol Truth is nursing isn't sexy at all. Nothing sexy about a dying patient, a patient with dementia with poo up to his neck, etc.
I would tell him why you want to be a nurse...help others, aide them in their time of need, be a comfort to those in pain, etc.
I would then tell him that bathing isn't sexual. They only time you even have contact with genitals when bathing whether they be males or females is when they can't do it themselves so it's usually the very injured, very ill, very dependent, etc. Assure him it isn't sexual but part of their daily care so those in need are kept as clean and comfortable in the hospital as they deserve to be.
I started my CNA class this week (it is required for acceptance into nursing school here). I was telling him about the different things I'll be doing as a CNA and then as a nurse. He became upset when I talked about bathing people.
My husband is concerned that I will be touching other men to bathe them. I tried to explain that it's just a bath, kind of like bathing a child, nothing sexual, but he's still concerned.
Now, he hasn't gotten angry or tried to talk me out of nursing, but he still isn't comfortable with me touching other men. Any suggestions on how to ease his mind?
then, ask him to get a very high paying job or work 2 shifts so he can pay for all expenses. And call you princess bebe!
I will definitively treat my wife like that. But of cuz she has to be very pretty.
Specializes in A little of this & a little of that.
I can see where everyone is coming from. I have also endured a controlling, abusive relationship. It makes me hypersensitive to the "signs" with others now because I don't want to see anyone hurt as I was. I'm sure that was the kind of place others were coming from. This certainly could be a first sign of a problem.
Obviously the young lady who posted is not in that situation. I agree that age is probably a big part of what is going on here. We can thank the media image of "naughty nurses" for a big part of this problem.
Definitely share your class materials with him. Reassure him that his worries are important to you and you are glad he cares. There can be sexualization by the patient of personal care. Not many of us get through without being sexually harrassed at some point in our careers. There are ways to handle it and you will learn those too. Assure him that there is always someone there to help you out if any man is taking the professional care you give the wrong way or becomes physically threatening. I'm sure he really is concerned for your welfare and safety. Good Luck.
locolorenzo22, BSN, RN
2,396 Posts
Well, tell him from a male RNs point of view, that there is NOTHING sexual about it. Usually, a patient who needs me to help wash him is confused or not quite sure about what's going on....and there is NOTHING sexual about it. If it's a middle aged woman or man or someone who is still with it and can reach...I'll set up the water and the soap and give them privacy....
We don't bathe EVERYONE...just those who can't help themselves..