I started my CNA class this week (it is required for acceptance into nursing school here). I was telling him about the different things I'll be doing as a CNA and then as a nurse. He became upset when I talked about bathing people.
My husband is concerned that I will be touching other men to bathe them. I tried to explain that it's just a bath, kind of like bathing a child, nothing sexual, but he's still concerned.
Now, he hasn't gotten angry or tried to talk me out of nursing, but he still isn't comfortable with me touching other men. Any suggestions on how to ease his mind?
OP, I really hope this is a sign of his ignorance to the job description and misperceptions of nursing staff in general as opposed to manifestations of an abusive personality. Has he ever been in the hospital or had a family member taken care of by a nurse?
A good tip to remember is that if the patient can reach it, they can wash it - even if you need to provide some assistance. So it isn't like you are going to be towelling off able bodied young men and decide to ride off into the sunset with one of them.
Good luck. I really hope this is just his way of expressing nerves over you starting a new aspect of your life and not an abusive red flag. But please take care of yourself.
I wouldn't jump the gun from this guy's uncomfortable with his wife touching other men in seemingly intimate ways to he's abusive.
I was nervous about doing the touching when I first started. Your comfort level improves when you realize that that poor old guy fighting for every breath didn't even notice that you just washed his member.
When I was in my 20's i was accepted to three different nursing schools but listened to my husband at the time (finally I got older and much much wiser) about his concerns...bathing men and I opted out of school. Very much a control issue, jealousy...make a long story short we ended up divorced but I still kick myself that he had so much control over my life.
Obviously I made it back into nursing but when I think of all those years I wasted it makes me ill.
I wouldn't jump the gun from this guy's uncomfortable with his wife touching other men in seemingly intimate ways to he's abusive.
I was nervous about doing the touching when I first started. Your comfort level improves when you realize that that poor old guy fighting for every breath didn't even notice that you just washed his member.
Give him time. He'll get there.
I agree Sue. This man probably has many admirable qualities. I think it's good that he opened up dialogue with his wife about his insecurities.
I agree Sue. This man probably has many admirable qualities. I think it's good that he opened up dialogue with his wife about his insecurities.
...because they have to get their point accross in order to control, so of course he isn't going to keep his "concerns" to himself.
I find it very hard to believe, in this day of mass media, that even the most uneducated and ignorant can put bathing a sick patient and an illusion of sexually stimulating contact in the same sentence.
When my youngest neice (same age as the OP) was dating her husband about 3 years ago....he used to contantly call her all the time on her cell phone, she giggled and thought it was cute that he was "jealous".
When her father (my brother) was in the hospital after a car accident, and we didn't know if he would live or die, he called her no less than 2 to 3 times an hour wanting to know what was "going on".
I told her she needed to tell him to get a grip because what was "cute" now isn't going to be "cute" in a couple of years.
At a very young age of 25, he obtained enough certifications to obtain very lucrative electrical contracts and was making right at 6-figures...not bad for a guy who never went to college and started fiddling with electrical as a hobby. He lavished her with jewelry, a new car, then they got MARRIED...and many was thinking...oh yeah, she has herself a really nice guy.
Well guess what...less than a year into their marriage she had to leave him b/c he wouldn't even allow her to get a job, go to school, or leave the house because some guy might "flirt with her" and the final straw came when she laughed b/c some ex boyfriend (who didn't even know she was married) asked her out...and she had to sit through an hour of him screaming.
Another girl in my Chemistry class...had a boyfriend that was just "nuts" about her. So "nuts" that after me trying to convince her that this guy was too controlling (for about 8 months) and she really needed to get out of the relationship (b/c he tracked her every move)...he finally pulled a gun on her and her 2 and 4 year old children and told her she wasn't going anywhere one night when she said she had to go to work....b/c he heard that a co-worker had a crush on her.
These things ALWAYS start out small.
I wouldn't be "pleading" or "educating" this man...I would look him straight in the eye and say, "This is training for a job at a hospital, not a brothel, I'm not quitting, and it's not up for discussion" and I would probably dare him to bring it up again.
How he reacts to that will tell you everything you need to know about him.
I'm so sure. Just because he says he isn't comfortable with her bathing a naked man, doesn't mean he's abusive. I too have been in an abusive relationship so I'm not speaking blindly here.
It was a conversation between two partners. This week my husband had to precept a new nurse. I asked "Was she hot?" It was a joke between us. If he posted that and everyone said I was insecure and for him to run would be way out of line.
"The people that we assist with bathing are only those who can't do it themselves."
I have never washed a man's hoo-hah if the man was fully physically capable of reaching down and scrubbing himself. Meaning, about the only man's that I *have* washed are the ones who are for the most part unresponsive. I will even assist with the rest of the bath (back, legs, etc) but I like to think that I am not an enabler -- I promote independence and until you can't do it yourself, you WILL do it yourself.
Let him know that (for the most part) the only men you will be bathing or otherwise touching are old and not appealing -- maybe this will help?
I am truly appalled at some of the responses that are being given here out of "concern" for the OP. Stories about husbands who pulled guns on their families, numerous people telling this woman to leave her husband. What is going on here? Her husband is obviously not in the medical field and probably isn't aware of what goes on during the daily routine on a hospital floor. With shows like Grey's Anatomy, ER, etc, I'm not surprised that he is a little concerned.
What I am surprised at is you...the responders, many of whom I have grown to respect during my time here and are now, instead of offering constructive advice to a fellow nurse with an issue, are trying to rip apart a family. Only 1 or 2 people have actually suggested that she explain to him that its a non sexual procedure. How would you feel if your husbands asked their peers for advice and 80% of them told him to run, get out, suggesting that you may pull a gun on him?
I think it would help if you told him, you are ONLY bathing the seriously ill or very old. All the healthy, verile dudes, have to do it themselves. He might be thinking you bathe everyone. Also, I have learned not to share everything w/husb. If it makes him uncomfortable, don't mention it. And I think it's totally normal for him to be uncomfortable. It doesn't make him a neanderthal, it just means he's a normal red-blooded man! Heather
Smurfette752, BSN
133 Posts
Yeah, that!!! I've also been there.....RUN LIKE THE WIND!